Sending out an SOS

Dear brother, you are part of the continuity of love, God Itself is breathing you. Whatever mistakes you have made have become blessings in your life if you have learned from them.

You may need more comfort and companionship right now than can be provided by typed words. With your permission I will do the shamanic "cutti" for you to strengthen and send more power to your "right thinking, listening to your heart, right action, in the balance of the feminine and masculine." You might want to look for a counselor or trusted family member to talk with and reconnect with the beauty and power of your own being.

with love,
your sister in Divine
Athena
www.curanderahealing.com

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k

very true manicman, but these guys are just trying to help.
can you get to brooklyn? i deal with a lot of this kind of stuff.

tripping at this point in your life might not be a good idea

-justin-

Hey buddy you are a real special person I had a great experience sitting for you. I am going to do more breathwork this tuesday and am looking forward to it. Please dont skip out of school for a yage ceremony , I think yoga really sounds like a great idea for you right now its a wonderful way to further your initiatory experience by grounding all the information that you already have. You need something to help process all this stuff at a slower pace not more plant catalysts at this stage. The medicine you have already taken is still working with you.This path is not always fun I know you understand that but I also know that you can and will make it through this. Yoga , exercise, healthy eating, walking in nature ,spending time with friends that you care about, these are very important parts of an initiatory experience just as much as working with powerful plant spirits , shaman, etc... .It is very very important to find ways to keep your feet on the ground throughout this, being able to take care of yourself physically and keeping yourself in good health is of the utmost importance in getting you where you want to be. Dont give up hope just keep on your path and stay true to yourself. If there is anything I can help you with please reach out I am definitely here to help you if you need it.

Hey man,

You might be interested in looking at some of the old Breaking Open the Head forums, based around or inspired by Pinchbeck's first book. The forum isn't active anymore, but a lot of the threads on it deal with real shit, initiatory stuff, both Daniel's and the other posters, I mean like dudes committing suicide because they got too deep in their own nekyia/underworld psychotropic experiences. Reading your posts, I kind of see myself, when I was 19 and in college I had a big shattering existential crisis which resulted in my dropping out, hitchhiking to New Mexico, transferring to a different school thinking it would be different. Nothing really helped me, finally I enlisted as a recon Marine because by that point I just wanted to go to war and die, and two years into it it's been enough of a purgatorial experience that most of the initiatory crap and destruction and insanity is behind me. Nobody was really able to help me, I kind of just embraced the thing and let it take me, and after feeling for years that I was just falling, I finally hit ground about a year and a half into my enlistment, and was surprised when that ground was actually benevolent and calm and open.

You're right, it does seem like a lot of the posters on this site try way too hard to embody some kind of ideal of spirituality, it doesn't seem as though they acknowledge their own shadow in the Jungian sense, their own share of the 'darkness' in the world, and they seem as though they're trying to convince themselves that everything is going to be OK, all love and light etc., which it is, but not in the dualistic messianic sense in which a lot of people frame it.

Yoga is awesome, I haven't done holotropic breathwork, but given that it's guided, that sounds like a good way to go deeper into this thing. I think you're going to be OK, if only for the fact that you're reaching out for guidance and help, and yeah it doesn't really exist in this culture, you're going to have to pick up and put the pieces together for yourself for the most part, but it's good that you're communicating with the world. I tended to internalize most of the journey, and it's not always so good to do it without any guide whatsoever.

It sounds like a lot of the advice people are giving you is geared towards damage control and mitigating the effects of what you're going through, and that may be necessary, but in the end, if you're going to the land of the dead, then walks in nature and getting high on yoga will only slow down your fall to an extent, and after that you're still going to have to go to those places. It will have a momentum of its own, and maybe consider letting it go to its conclusion instead of trying to resist it. I would say something like 'the trick is to land it gracefully as possible, as if you were landing a parachute,' but there was nothing graceful about what I went through, and it was something larger than myself that caught me or within or upon which I landed which sustained me finally, call it grace or whatever, but it wasn't something I was ever in control of. Books, literature, philosophy, music, drugs, nothing helped me or kept me from going through, as you put it, the abyss, so I'm not going to say read this or that book etc. etc. and it will solve your problems.

I second B 13, if there's anything I can do to help then please contact me, you can reach me by email at ryanhinely@gmail.com. Myself, B 13, I'm sure your family and friends and many others would do what they can to help out, you have a support network. Be OK, man. If you feel called to withdraw from school for a while and go to South America and study with a curandero then I would say go for it.

Good luck man,
Ryan

Hey manicman, just sent you an email. Sorry about the delay. :)

-justin-