evolver new year's eve party last night

Slightly different from my corner of the room.

First off ... I can't really fathom how anyone would have thought it prudent to side with the jacket dude, as, quite frankly, the guy was obviously just as much of a macho, drunk - and I mean "swinging around a huge bottle of jack daniels the entire time" drunk - douchebag as the guys on the other side othe argument .

Neither side needed any kind of encouragement. This was clear to me within 30 seconds.There was nothing civil about the situation - Come on now. Drunk guys threatening violence smack in the middle of a peaceful, public place ... over a Jacket ... and, most importantly ... a *$200* Jacket. This shit wouldn't fly at tiki bobs. Here?

In any case ... Yes, it was certainly a clusterfuck - Everyone was having a fantastic time, then suddenly thrust into the middle of a childish, bullshit cock fight - Rather discombobulating to a group of respectful, peaceful folks. Certainly, my attempts at spouting some kind of clear and obvious peaceful resolution were 100% ignored - 15 other people trying to do the same thing over screaming and yelling ... Yeah. Didn't work so well .... But, again ... we're hippies, not bouncers.

And as for Rob? ... What? Rob ended the situation. How? By - through some feat of character and magic - finally getting the guy to believe the truth of the matter - which was that all we wanted to do was to help him find his jacket, and that we'd do everything we could. If he told you to get out? I probably would have too.

"Angry, Arrogant People" ? "Self-Styled Enlightened Ones?"

So off base and out of line, man. It sounds to me like this is just some kind of axe grinding on a negative
pretense. This describes approximately no one that I have met in this group.

-Mike

Tom, and all other readers,

I am Rob, one of the organizers of the ReNew Year party. Specifically, I am this one-
"At this point one of the rulers put his face right in my face and stated loudly demanding that I "don't say a word to him" he kept saying it over and over and I also tried to reason with him but in his case it was totally impossible."

I am a stranger to blog conflict, but since I was confronted in public, I shall defend myself in public.

I wanted to make some points of clarification:

1) This party was not an official Evolver event, though several of the organizers, all very close friends of mine, are involved with the Evolver Philly crew. I am the regional coordinator for Evolver Philadelphia.

2) This is my experience of the events as recounted in Tom's initial blog post.

After an earlier altercation that resulted expelling a bellicose, intoxicated young man from the party (into the care of his parents in their minivan, as gently as we possibly could), I was sitting in the chill longe toward the back. A friend warned me that I had better hide my computer, because someone was threatening to throw it out the window. I approached the front of the party, where one young man was clearly looking to start a fight because his cousin "lost his $200 jacket." As is often the case with such situations, there was quite an audience, each of whom had strong opinions on how to handle the situation.

At first, I engaged the angriest man by asking him his name. I then asked him who his cousin was, and began talking to him. My first approach was to ask him to give me his contact information so we could look for his jacket the following morning, rather than in the midst of a heated situation with a large audience. This man began to calm down, though calm was soon interrupted by another man, sporting long dreadlocks, who was prepared to enforce the peace by threatening violence. As one might imagine, this incited the machismo of both the jacketless cousin and the jacketed cousin once again, like stirring dirt on the bottom of the pond. I ascertained that a friend of mine new the dreadlocked man, and asked him to separate him from the lost-jacket cousins.

I approached the jacketed cousin, now screaming threats about coming back with a gun. I informed him that I was speaking to his cousin and was trying to make the situation right, but I couldn't hear his cousin speak over all the yelling. He gradually calmed down. This scenario repeated itself several times. Just as the situation was beginning to calm, someone new would enter the fray full of anger, and stir the sediment once again. My main concern was for the safety of our guests and the sanctity of the space, and to protect these I was prepared to take $200 from our earnings to reimburse jacketless cousin for his lost item (the existence of which will forever be in question.) While I conversed with jacketless, several other people, many close friends of mine, approached the two of us with right intent. At this point, I began saying to anyone who was not my interlocutor, "Please say nothing. Please be quiet." to indicate, as best I could, my belief that the only way to deescalate the situation non-violently was to let this man know that I cared about his needs, and would do whatever was in my power to help him meet them. I was aware that it may be construed as rude to silence someone, but this possibility of violence was real, and I was willing to forgo politeness.

It was at this time that Tom, the poster above, entered the situation. Like many others, Tom appeared to mean well. However, what he did not know, and I did not have time to explain to him, was that jacketless and I were very close to reaching an understanding. Tom, when you entered the conversation, jacketless again took an argumentative tone, to which you responded in kind. I saw that the situation was again about to escalate, as it already had during the previous rounds of conflict. It is true that I (perhaps rudely) asked you numerous times to "Say nothing. Stop talking. Shut your mouth." I even put my hand on your mouth, in the hopes that words would stop coming out of it, in the hopes that you would trust me to handle this situation with poise though, perhaps, you had no reason to do so. I had seen that the only way to handle this situation was to engage one on one, to establish trust with the rabble-rouser, and Tom's intervention was standing in the way of this. I trust that Tom has been able to handle difficult situations successfully in the past, and I do not doubt that he has valuable experience that I might learn much from. However, the moment for conversation about someone else's methods was not that moment that we shared.

That was the moment for you to say nothing, to stop talking, to shut your mouth.

When, at last, Tom relented, I was able to get jacketless's contact information from him, with assurance that I would call him the following day. For the first time, jacketless challenged me, asking, "So you're so smart, is that right?" I responded, to him, "I am not smart, I'm just honest." He accepted this. At this point, the police, who had been called, arrived. I am very impressed with the way they conducted themselves- nobody was arrested, but they made sure that any troublemakers were out of the venue before they left.

In the end, nobody was hurt, nothing was broken, nobody was arrested, and the next few hours at the party were the most sublime of the night, with only the most relaxed people lying in the chill lounge, watching nature documentaries underscored by ambient music, giggling, and the flicker of candlelight. Miracles, each of these things.

Though somewhat torn, I stayed true to my word and called jacketless, leaving him a message that we looked, but had not found his jacket, and a number where he could reach me if he wished. I have not yet head back from him.

3) Lastly, this party was, in my estimation, a smashing success. I certainly learned many lessons for future parties (such as, "have a burly yet peaceful security team," and "do not permit entrance to people bearing 1.5 liter bottles of vodka"). I stand by my actions, and I am grateful to all those who trusted me to do the right thing. I am eager for opportunities to plan other parties and to put these lessons into action.

4) Tom- I am guilty of not always expressing myself with perfection. If you wish to contact me directly to discuss anything that occurred on New Year's Eve, please message me privately and we can continue the conversation.

5) I agree with Tom, that we must all examine the ways in which we handle conflict. I am grateful that some of had an opportunity to do so on New Year's Eve, and that nobody was injured that we may have that opportunity.

6) I repeat ninsopolis's sentiments- this was an amazing night, and quite probably heralds more amazement in the future. Thanks to all of you who came and brought your best.

Peace,

Robert Ginkgo