What She Said Over Water

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KRS ONE
May 3, 2011

That I'm a non believing Godless heathen with an-
afterlife, that's not worth grieving
I said
I'm not prepared to live like you yet
yet, I'm prepared to face that regret

If I happen to be wrong and the world isn't fucked
and God's pissed that I punked him
orders global destruction
I'll just spit in his eye
squash those orders like nothin
and kick that old man
because he's destined to love it

I think what I mean is that we need an elitist or-
A billion slaves being led by the penis
so many differently colored religious extremists
to occupy the various regions

Each region has its own look
write that check, read that book
be that guy, do that thing
you're such a unique human being

Look just like this magazine
get there honey, it's gasoline
make that money, and cry to Jesus
hate anybody that tries to resist

Living in the desert
hiding from the slaughter
bullets raining down from a helicopter
what's in this water
what the hell am I drinkin
I need a tall cup of Abraham Lincoln

4 Comments
posted in: Poetry Workshop

Comments

Thanks

KRS ONE — May 08, 2011

Yeah, it's not really based from a conversation, it's just crap that spills out of my brain. I could dull down the anti-religious sentiment, but I don't really agree poetry is supposed to be fun or anecdotal. It can be either but doesn't have to be either. Anyway, everyone has a right to their own opinion.

I've been bad at commenting on other peoples work so I don't have room to talk, thanks for the feedback.

This is also just the 1st draft, 2 more recent drafts are on my blog.

"My country is the world, and my religion is to do good."
- Thomas Paine

also

KRS ONE — May 08, 2011

In response to this comment, "The forced rhyme is coming along somewhat, at times grotesque, at other times predictable." Which rhymes are you referring to with this comment. I'm just interested to see which rhymes you found to be interesting/grotesque.

I think what you don't understand about what I write is that it flows like a hip hop song in my head. I find it hard to transfer the rhythm and beat through the poetry, but I try. I write some poetry without the rhyme scheme, if you look through my stuff you'll find it. But to say that "The forced rhyme is coming along somewhat" I find mildly insulting but at least honest if you feel that way. Clearly making clever rhymes is one of the biggest aims of my poetry. I know that's not the goal of all poetry or everyone else's poetry on this site, but if anyone else out there thinks they can write a poem using a rhyme scheme better, I'd like to see it (literally because it fits my tastes in poetry).

"My country is the world, and my religion is to do good."
- Thomas Paine

Rhyme scheme better

Thebigthoughtful — Oct 02, 2011

Can anyone out there use a rhyme scheme better? Firstly hip hop poetry or rap always uses the sameish rhymscheeme either something like AABBCC or ABABCDCD or for a marathon of Aaaaaaaaa

This is whatbthe commenter met by grotesque or forced. It doesn't sound or look good to write a poem like that, on a beat you have the ability to add emphasis etc, but on paper it seems like your trying to built a home with only legos.

You should experiment writing in "real" rhyme schemes, the sonnet, the villanelle, etc. You should also try and use internal rhyme, which is also used a lot in hipnhop, that is, there is no need for your rhymes to be only at the end of the lines. That is why it looks and sounds weird.

I don't think it's half bad though, and don't worry about poetry being fun I don't think anyone ever thought that.

Read some John Donne.and actually try and read ut, and realize what he does with words

Personally...

NAYKD POET — Oct 02, 2011

what I feel is most important in any writing but, poetry specifically, is the point of what is being expressed. If you choose to do this in some form of rhyming pattern so be it but again, if to paint a picture with your words, focus on just that and not worry about form. Only institutions demand uniformity, poetry is an art form and is not to be limited by rules. That said, reference to hip-hop poetry was made; here is one I wrote in that genre, let me know if you think it works:

People’s Rage

My words meant t’twist minds at an early age
That’s the power of be’n on the stage
They say my songs are full of rage
Sucker, you aint hurd nut’n – turn the page

The muth-fukers that are tak’n us down
Look at us people as nut’n but clowns
They own the banks and the politec
They’ve made this nation – a fuk’n train reck

Every place you look it’s the same condition
People struggling under financial prison
Sold a bill of goods to take on more debt
Not pay’n it back was a sure bet

In the end whose financial ass have they saved?
The same fuk’n ass that’s been digg’n your sorry grave
And guarantee’n too your kids will be their slave
That’s how deep this fuck’n hole’s been made

The impoverished dressed in hand-me-downs
Liv’n on the street eat’n what ever’s found
These are the folks that my words do speak
To enrage their fire to take back the streets

So don’t go say’n I’m full of hate
My words are meant for minds to congregate
To re-establish this nation that once was GREAT
So ALL peoples can have - a better fate

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