Becoming the Peaceful Warrior

I've written about the warrior archetype and the way it is played out in a destructive way in our society today (See "The Warrior Archetype and the Reemergence of the Goddess"). Lately I've become more aware of the importance of this powerful archetype both for myself and the collective. You see for much of my life I've embodied the negative warrior both within and without. In my view, the negative warrior is characterized by aggression, defensiveness and destructiveness. Underlying this is vulnerability and fear, a soft underbelly that needs to be protected at all costs. The negative warrior feels isolated and separate and at war with the world as well as in a constant state of inner conflict. Aggression and defensiveness are the weapons of the negative warrior as he fights to protect an inner core of painful vulnerable feeling from anything that would threaten to expose it fearing that would bring his destruction. This inner core of feeling may have been created early in life by trauma that was never healed or by the experience of being punished for openly expressing emotion causing it to be repressed out of fear of that punishment as is so common in our culture.

My wounds of this life began in early childhood with my parents divorce and then by difficult experiences in school around moving a great deal and not really being able to establish lasting relationships. I responded by protecting myself from these painful experiences by embodying the strong macho male figure and this served me well for a time. I played out being the trouble maker and misfit in school resulting in my dropping out and joining the Army. My experience in the military solidified the negative warrior role by hammering in the taboo of feeling any emotions except for lust and anger. Any expression of true emotion elicited a violent and repressive reaction from those around me as I'm sure it threatened the fragile containment of their own feelings. Participating in the destructive purpose of the military gave me a channel for what I was holding inside and further deepened the trauma and pent up emotion adding shame to the mix. Shame at being a willing party to such a destructive enterprise. This is something I'm still working to heal today some 20 years later. After the military I spent several years studying martial arts and embraced the stoic warrior figure so well symbolized by the Samurai. Embodying the warrior in this way lead to isolation and being cut off from love, community and inner peace. For me it became untenable and began to break down my health which initiated a process of self discovery, spiritual practice and healing.

In my healing process I have become aware that my aversion to playing out the negative warrior has resulted in living in a disempowered state because the warrior archetype has a positive side in which it represents our personal power, courage and passion. As a man it also represents the divine aspect of my masculine nature. My initial process was to work through the layers of anger, aggression and defensiveness to even have any conscious experience of my feelings and to allow myself to truly connect with anyone on a meaningful level. In working with this aspect for almost 2 decades I've gotten in touch with my emotional being which has been possible by reconnecting with my feminine side. My feminine side had been so brutally repressed, much as it has been in society at large, that I have needed to develop not only a daily practice of getting in touch with my feelings but to develop a personal relationship with the Goddess, the personification of the Divine Feminine. This has been a powerfully healing experience and is transforming my relationships and opening me up to life in ways I never imagined possible. Living with an open heart is scary, painful and chaotic at first but it is living in a way that is truly alive, for feeling is the experience of life force flowing through the body. Being able to relate to someone emotionally without defensiveness, connecting with the beauty and peace of nature and openly feeling the suffering of others with compassion are just some of the gifts the Divine Feminine has offered me.

Despite this powerful process of healing, I've felt something is missing. Lately I've realized that I've dropped the warrior altogether and so am missing his power and courage which explains why in being emotionally open I've also been equally terrified and lost and all too ready to fall back into the old patterns. I'm having to go back and revisit some of my trauma around the warrior and some my experiences in the military in order to release those painful feelings. In doing so, my intention is to reconnect with the warrior in the form of the peaceful warrior. The peaceful warrior is fully connected and grounded in the divine feminine. He lives a life with an open heart and the fearlessness of a warrior in the face of pain and suffering. He has courage in relationship to openly connect and express his feelings while also firmly setting boundaries. He realizes the true battle is to be fought within in confronting his demons and ultimately taking the journey through the depths of the unconscious bringing the light of awareness to the darkness. The warrior knows that he creates his own safety rather than seeking it without and the world is only as dangerous as he believes it to be or as safe as he allows it to be. The peaceful warrior is wise and grounded but powerfully decisive and willing to take risks when called for.

I think the symbol of the peaceful warrior is essential to our collective transformation because we cannot awaken as long as we are fighting a battle with the present moment and our authentic experience whatever it may be. The negative warrior's defensiveness and aggression becomes the separation that keeps us from our power, creativity and joy. At the same time we need the peaceful warrior's strength and courage to make it through this time of incredibly fast and intense change. Only a warrior can traverse the path that leads to a completely new world. We will need all our strength and courage to make it through the times ahead as well as a direct connection to source or spirit which is our real guidance and clarity and the source of our power. When the warrior acts from deepest intuition (The Divine Feminine) his actions are powerfully creative rather than destructive. The process of transforming the negative warrior into the peaceful warrior is a perfect metaphor for the transformation so many of us are experiencing whether we are male or female. This continues to be my work..........