We will tell them that it is the Good Lord inside us that made us do it

About a month ago I wound up with a 20-year-old troubled girl in my life. Jennifer has multiple strikes against her. She spent half of her childhood in the system because her mother beat her up so badly. Her mother is a drug addict who has had 17 children. Every single child was taken away. Jennifer reads at the 2nd grade level. She has been in drug rehab herself for chrystal meth and cocaine. She has had leukemia. She has epilepsy and she has two children of her own that have been taken from her. She also is a drifter -- going from one man to another. Her last boyfriend stabbed her with a knife in her back. He is in prison for the next three years. She has had multiple sexual abusers from the age of two upward. Would it suprise you to know that she has trouble sometimes knowing the difference between truth and lies? When I first met her she talked about how many "domestics' she has had for fights she has been in. She has been tazed by the cops several times because she has tried to kick them. Get the picture?

What do you do when your presented with someone like this? There is another side to this. Jennifer almost immediately took to me and began to tell me her life and began to want to be with me. She needed clothes and was thrilled when I gave her some of mine and she 'looked like me.' She started telling people that I was like a 'second mother.' When I got her a workbook for 2nd grade she spent hours working on it. And then there was her vulnerability that drew men to her like flys to honey and put her in very precarious situations. Men came but they never stayed and they never gave her what she wanted. In less than a month and a half I watched her spin into and out of relationship with three men.

I don't know exactly how it all happened, but somehow Jennifer really was listening to me and I began to see more and more signs of healing. She began to talk more about her feelings. I watched frustrated anger and fear turn to tears of hurt and despair. More than once she has thrown herself into my arms and sobbed like a heartbroken little girl. And those eyes -- her eyes looking at me, big and without defense. When she looks up at me with those eyes I KNOW that I have to love her and see her through this, come what may.

I told her the other day that she had to let go of the men -- that she needed to work on herself and have people in her life who really loved her. The amazing thing is...the really, really amazing thing is that she appears to be transforming and I am seeing the impact by her actions and by her choices. Will it last? I don't know..but some of it has to stick, right?

Something is falling away from her -- a hardness -- and the more I see that this is happening to her, the more protective i feel. The more I know that I have to help her get and stay safe .

I called her case worker -- a woman clearly frustrated because of her inability to get Jennifer moving forward. I went with Jennifer to talk with her. Sharon suggested a group home for Jennifer. Jennifer was scared. She was scared she would get in a fight. She was scared it would be like prison. She was scared of leaving me. "I need help helping you Jennifer. If you go to the group home they will be able to help you take your medicine and help you get to your appointments.' She looked unsure. "Baby, I need you to do this. You can stay with me on Saturday to go to church on Sunday and if you have problems you call me and I will come and help. I am not going to abandon you."
I tell her that all the time: "I won't abandon you." I know those are magic words to her. I know that she needs to know that more than anything else.

We went to the thrift store two days ago. Between us we tried on 40 summer dresses. She tried on sweet dresses that she would never have picked out without me in her life. I told her she looked sweet. I told her that these were good dresses for church. We picked out 6 dresses. The first day we brought them home, she tried them all on over and over again. She said, "I feel like you." Going and buying her dresses did something to her. I taught her the word 'elegant.' She is carrying herself with more poise. She got makeup and applied it very sparingly. She looks beautiful and I told her so. She really does.

When we went to the group home she was very worried. The people in the home are carefully screened. It is mostly men. Larry is pretty representative of the group. He is 55 years old or so. He has a big belly, grey hair and pale blue eyes. When he introduced himself to me he said, "Please don't be offended, but I am very childlike." I shook his extended hand and said, "Very nice to meet you. I am very childlike too." I smiled at him very big. He smiled back and offered me "dap." We dapped. I said, "Jesus said that we have to become like little children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I think your onto something Larry." Larry decided I should come back and visit.

Jennifer and I had time to walk around and meet people at the home. We walked out to this big ancient oak tree. I told her that if I lived at this home I would have to find a way to climb that tree. Jennifer said she was going to. I asked her if she wanted me to get her crayons and coloring books because I felt that coloring under that tree would be perfect. she said she would like that plus she wanted paper and pencils so she could draw.

There was another girl there. A black woman who said she was lonely. Jennifer told her that she would be her friend. Jennifer asked her if she would like to color with her. I was told I needed to get Isadora a coloring book too. I said okay.

When we went into the Interview, Jennifer annoucned that she liked it there. She was happy to know that she could stay all night with me on Saturdays to go to church and everytime I said I felt something was good, she shook her head and decided it was good too. She told the director that she liked her. She told the director she liked isadora. We decided that next Tuesday was the day to move in. Everyone complimented Jennifer on how nice she looked and her case manager said that she was amazed at how Jennifer's attitude had changed.

When we left I hugged Jennifer and todl her I felt like crying. She told me she was happy that she had a friend now. She told me that Isadora had never had a friend. She asked me if Isadora could come and stay all night at my house too. I told her that yes she could. I told her that she needed good girlfriends and it was time she let men be for awhile. She parroted back what I have been saying to her: "I know. I need to forget about men for awhile and work on me. I need to work on my insides." I am suprised I didn't break down and weep right then and there.

Tonight it was storming and she said she was afraid. I took her in my arms and told her my name was stormy. I asked her if she was afraid of me. She laughed. I asked her if she wanted to go run in the storm. She decided that she did. We ran like Indians -- barefoot through the neighborhood. We kicked at puddles. We layed in puddles. We laughed and laughed. She said as we were running home in the dark through people's yards..."if someone asks us what we are doing, we will tell them that it is the Good Lord inside us that made us do it." I said, "yep. that is what we will tell them. You are very smart Jennifer, and you are getting smarter all the time and I love you. " "I love you too, Stormy. You sure are crazy." "I know, baby."
Please extend Love and Light to my Jennifer.