Shut It Out.

And shut it up!

I don't know how I did it, my mind went astray from the barrage of my usual thoughts. Thoughts about my job, thoughts about my two cars, thoughts about my bills, thoughts about when my shift was over at work, thoughts about what the next morsel of food could be, thoughts about dinner, and thoughts about people.... Those are the usual things on my mind, pretty simple I would suppose, until your mind picks every little bit of those things apart and begins to focus on every little fragment, it's akin to sitting in a room with a crowd of people all talking, all directing their voices to you.

In this moment of silence my mind started churning thoughts, but they were not of the aforementioned. They were different, and it was interesting. I felt something like a kid feels when they keep asking "what's this, what's that, why?", I was full of wonder. It was almost as if I was human for the first time, I look down at a recent burn on my arm, look at how the skin is mending itself. It all just amazed me!

This human thing, it's so nice to LEARN it all. It's so nice to FEEL, to breathe, to drink something cold and feel that temperature go down your innards within your chest. The feeling of what instincts feel like, I know winter is coming IN MY SOUL, not just in my mind. Every bit of me is poised and ready for the cold to come, i've gained a few pounds, eating heartier/fattier foods, slowing down. I felt good natured, not pessimistic, i've been working on this, but it was like someone just handed me the finish line for a moment! I was calm, but I was like a child with a tome of knowledge being fed to me, but I liked it!

I thought back to past lives for a second. I have done one regression that took me way back, I had a thought that maybe I wasn't human previous to this incarnation for a moment. Then I remember the lives previous I lived as a human, I remember drowning, burning alive in a cabin, I remember the lights, the comfort of the womb, and being scared to death of "heaven". No animals. I never have seen one in those regressions, I know how it feels to be both genders, I know how it feels to be alone, I know how it feels to be helpless, to die alone for a damn good reason.

But yet this life in that moment just felt like i've never experienced anything, I was just in awe. (I also just learned what it felt like to spill a glass of milk on my lap, bah!) I just don't know how to explain this, I tried being objective, out of the box of myself, third person. Well I had dreams as a young child of being a dolphin, maybe it was this.

Why can't humans understand animals? are we dead to the language? when did the other stop talking? What path am I really walking? Was that the cross roads?

I'll just keep digging, keep experiencing this wonderful feeling of being ALIVE, of being human, of something just totally and completely different. Also enjoying the feeling of being close to nature, the feeling of the wolf spirit guide of mine, feeling primal, feeling new, feeling observant, and feeling the teaching I need to be a part of.