Remembering Deep True Desire

It is a fact, that the best we can do is sometimes not good enough >for the desired results< its a fact that bodies break down, wear out, and fail to thrive. We do not have the luxury of continued opportunity, but rather most of the time, we must dredge through the task on the ONE SINGLE TIME it happens onto our path, and if we fail to ask the question on that FIRST and ONLY time that it crops up, then we have failed our one test, and the light of our desire diminishes, as we face the inevitable fact of our shortcomings. We must begin again to build up the true and the deep desire, we must work to hold the BIG, DEEP, PUNGENT,VAPOROUS, BURNING DESIRE. What is it in man so vacuous, so impermanent, such a blackhole of chi, that makes waking up a sorrow and getting up a challenge and an obstacle . Que Pasa Hombre? WE ARE ALL UP TO IT. it is no big thing. we have a pile of shit? we get around it or GO ON THRU, but it cannot stop us. what am i saying? I dont know what im going to do...i need to get myself settled to the doorway of my future...I am really concerned about being old and not having a retirement plan, i will be 55, and i will have no fall back position...what will I do? I am not going to worry about it any more than i need to. i will continue to devote myself to the truth and beauty that i can see. I will continue to have my remembering practice. I will persevere as a seeker and a believer and a person lifted up in the dance, a person brought to tears by the flowers of gain, and the flowers of failure. Love alone can take me in a chokehold on my quivering spine and WAKE ME UP. again and again it has opened the door and again i have lifted my eyes asking: how can i too open and pass through the sublime doorway? and how shall i presume?