Life's Azimuth Check

I found this entry from 2 years ago in my personal blog and I'd like to take some time to conduct a retroactive analysis and identify what mechanisms have evolved or changed if any that have allowed me to transcend from dispairity into a more forward and progressive stance toward life and humanity in general. So here's the entry from 26 May 2008:

" The problem with being a multi-facetic, multi-dimensional individual is that it is extremely complicated. Because attempting to develop a multi-dimensionality aimed at circadian functionality antagonizes the natural human tendencies of sentient beings, the processes required to bring about said changes are complex and require a great deal of emotional labor and restraint whose effects may not be readily apparent or clear but do and will take a long-term toll on emotional stability.

How is it possible to balance the demands of a complex personality with the demands of the outside world who are complex in and of themselves? At what point does one draw back and refuse to play in on the farce that is life; pretending to be happy all of the time; pretending that everything is copasetic? We go through the motions everyday pretending to have goals and pretending that life does have some type of meaning. But the truth is that if there is no meaning, those goals mean nothing. We as humans delude ourselves into believing that there is something higher for what we work or something mystical that is beyond our comprehension but that is there. We conflate human feelings of need to look to something higher with the reality of life. But what if there is none of that? Then what? Why do we pretend to be strong, smart, invincible, untouchable, devoid of human emotion, when in fact there is nothing to work for except for the human-made structures we have built four ourselves to play and live in. We live to please others, not ourselves because we live within the constraints and constructs we have built for ourselves. Like a prison we have created for ourselves, we are bound to follow the path of least resistance, the path that is acceptable to the masses. Even those who seem to stray from the path and are criticized, when they reach "success" in the end, are accepted back in. Those who do not are ostracized forever.

This is not the type of world I want to be a part of nor do I feel that I am equipped to make changes sufficient to impact greater good. Multi-dimensionality for me is merely a tool of survival, a way to find harmony and balance where there may not otherwise be."

What a dire outlook of life indeed. I'm glad to share this with my friends and the public in order to illustrate that the fibers we use to weave the cloth of experience increase with time such that the cloth is strengthened to withstand the stresses of our routinary lifestyles. Enhanced with wisdom and fortified with a positive outlook in life, we can transcend any difficulty or challenge triumphantly with grace and poise while earning experiential credits we can use to make the world a better place to live in.

However, while the question of the "why" about our lives may be systematically reasoned away with the mundane thrills and frills that fill our empty voids day to day, it's only a matter of time before it rears its head again. This question must be boldly faced and resolved. The innate human need to know and understand makes it an imperative. Some of us choose not to bother, thinking that ignorance will yield acceptance and acceptance will lead to contentment (note: not happiness). But there are some of us whose satiety for knowledge cannot be easily quelched. The rest of the world may critique us as spendthrift seekers of incomprehensible world truths. The question becomes, "why do you waste your time?" The advice hence follows: "live life, be happy and don't wrap yourself up in things you'll never be able to explain. You'll make yourself crazy otherwise" While I appreciate the due concern, it is not in my nature to rationalize away things I can't explain. I'd sooner spend my free moments assaying complex questions of existentialism than pretending of their nonexistence for the ephemerally apocryphal pleasure of "being happy."

So two and a half years later, can I say at the end of the day, that progress toward self-enlightment has been made? Moreover, can this enlightenment be quantitatively and qualitatively measured through empirical evidence of improvement? In my opinion, I am a better person today than I was two years ago. I believe there's is certain unwritten rule of reciprocity through which I try to live my life. I believe that our shared energies and experiences both strengthen and weaken us. I believe that there is a purpose for mine and everyone's existence, which is progressively less hazy today than it was 2, 3, 5, and 10 years ago. I believe my lifecycle on this earth has a meaning and that both my strengths and weaknesses serve to shape who I am. I believe that multi-dimensionalism can both be an asset and a loss. But above all I believe in myself and my ability to transcend beyond my questions of existentialism into a person wholly complete and truly happy. So to answer the first question, yes. To the second, though arguably empirical, the proof exists within me today as I live and breathe.