( I originally posted this as a comment for Meg Rivers’ blog / post about a dream study. If anyone has gotten to read Y:The Last Man please post your comments and thoughts about the series.)

There is a Graphic Novel series called Y: The Last Man.

All my life I have experienced opening up to people and each person I ever opened up to would take anything I shared with them and use it to emotionally hurt me. Some people would use personal information as blackmail or use it to spread rumors about me. Then came a point when I viewed opening up to people as weakness and stupidity.

All my life normal people have labeled me with harsh and cruel words.

Weirdo
Freak
Strange
Abnormal
Queer

The list goes on and the words get more profane and degrading.

Also.

People get upset at me or yell at me when I express my feelings, especially when people do not agree or dislike what I have to say.

It’s not normal to be able to know things before they happen because you had a dream about it.

Here is an account of when my dreams happen in reality:

Over the summer I planned on attending this Rooftop party in Brooklyn. I was trying to decide the night before if I wanted to bring a quarter of an oz of weed with me to smoke at the party.

Is there a place where you make eye contact with someone and they look at you with a smile on their face?

Is there a part of the world where people will be able to see my soul and see I am a beautiful girl?

I imagine that one day I will fit in a space and no one would want me to be replaced.

Could it be in Paris.
Could it be in London.
Could it be in Tokyo or Sydney.

"You know what I have discovered? The brain prefers love. That's why we love to be in love—because it feels so good. We love love. So why not just feed yourself love?" - Willie Smith

In my dream I was working in a café in a city made of marble, sliver and diamonds. A man walks in with a suit, high tops, a long over coat and spiked hair. He asks me what’s good and I serve him green sparkling coffee with cake that’s floating above the plate. This amuses the man.

The café has two other costumers sitting and eating at separate tables who are regular patrons.

As of late I am slowly meeting new kinds of people. I am slowly meeting people who actually like, adore, and love me for me.

- I am called smart because I found ways to over come my disability and people with normal brains are in awe with the knowledge and skill I have. Normal brained people want to learn from me. This is a first.

Once I see the corruption behind things it’s hard to maintain the attraction to it.
Once I saw how people’s drive to create a community filled with bohemian idea’s. I realize the middle finger these communities are supposed to be giving to ‘normal’ society the middle finger is being pointed to the people supporting Said Community.

Ignorance is bliss.

I was walking around underground inside of a huge transit hub. It’s this place I have seen many times before in past dreams. You can say it’s a reoccurring dream and each time I go back the transit hub expands and I find new trains, new rooms, new stairwells, new bathrooms, ect.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Since joining Evolver I have gotten to read many, many, many blogs. We all share this desire to be closer. We all want to hold hands with each other. We all want to hug one another. We ant to kiss each other. Look into each others eyes and say: "It's okay. I'm here. You are not alone."

The few of you I have a on line based friendship with I wish I could.

** I wrote this to someone a while ago and I feel that I should share this. Maybe some of you will feel me. I have to be honest. I have never in my life been in love or have someone be in love with me. However it does not stop me from looking for love everyday as hard as it can be at times. I not only want to fall in love for the first time.

I dislike when people call me a bisexual. I also dislike that I have to categorize my sexual lifestyle.

Why can’t I just enjoy sex without gender being an issue?

When you are hurting and healing play this song.

Then turn the lights on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8KvZtH8-uI&feature=PlayList&p=591D9C5FF5...

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .

I always have always had this desire to give people what I never have. I want to help people feel loved, cared for, secure, wanted, valued, respected, understood, and beautiful.

Being alone and feeling it become one with yourself is a sad experience.

I don’t want anyone to feel or deal with any of the hardships I have. I know what it is like to be beaten by the world.

Watch and let me know what you think.

Part One:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26D-dFFt-6Y

Part Two:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEkS0CEQFWw&feature=related

Majority of my life I have found it much easier to identify with fictional characters from books, movies, TV shows and comic books. I don’t connect with people.

I don’t feel that draw to want to express my human emotions to just any body.

** I know on some level my clairvoyance always steps in to warm me of harm, danger and negativity. However sometimes I have these dreams and I get information I am not sure what to do with.

I want more control and to see deeper. I want to know more.
To understand and know the source of dreams and visions.
I know this is a huge reason why I am posting on this site.

***I am posting what I know to be my first “vision”. I believe our most abstract of dreams are just as useful and seeing a clear image of the actual future. Please don’t take any pity on me for what you are about to read. I have recovered the best I can from my traumatic experience the best I could. I just want to share this with you. ***

May Love Be Shared my profile / blog on here reads like "combination of a personal add and a metaphysical distress call". He could have not been more right about that.

I know it sounds weird but I don’t know what a Friendship is. I never had a friend in my whole life and if I ever made one I would have no idea what to do with it.

I need someone that I can talk to about something.

Something that may not see 'normal'.

I have a secret something that makes me special.

I wish I had people close enough to me to understand it.

I wish I had people who understood me.

I'm learning to be happy with just me.

Once I master self happiness will there ever be someone I can share that with?

When we die all that is left behind is stuff.

Are diary entry’s, clothing, photo’s, jewelry and keep sakes going to determine the worth of my life?

What am I worth as a person?
What am I worth to myself?

I want to know.

I dream and see all the possibilities of events that may occur.
I dream about convocations people have had about me.

I had this physic block for a while. No precognitive dreams. No strange dreams that are symbolic to actual events that will happen. No sudden rush of random knowledge. I was dry. Disconnected. Unhappy.

** Written to: Something Dark Is Coming. Composed by Bear McCreary. From the Album: Battlestar Galactica Soundtrack – Season 2**

I closed my eyes and tried to see myself for the first time in a long time.
I wanted to see the real me. The me the exists beyond the physical body.
The me that can’t be seen by the eye’s we are trained to trust and use to ‘see’.

I saw you cry today
The pain may fill you
I saw you shy away
The pain will not kill you

You made me smile today
You spoke with many voices
We travelled miles today
Shared expressions voiceless

It has to end
Living in your head
Without anything to numb you
Living on the edge
Without anything to numb you

It has to end to begin

Began an end today
Gave and got given

After I wrote my blog post I meditated on trying to find what I wanted. On

Saturday night I had a dream. I recall an image of a yellow man with a pomegranate as a heart. He gave me a piece of it and said "This part is yours."

I wake up and start my day on Sunday.

The Police have a string of lyrics that sums up my reaction to all the reply's to my last blog post. Along with my reactions to some of the blogs I have gotten to read.

****
Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home
****

I donno why I had to make a new profile but here are two links to my other Blog Post's.

First post:
http://evolver.net/user/julene/blog/first_time_poster_long_time_dreamer

Second post:
http://evolver.net/user/julene/blog/dealing_anger

I had no idea people would even read anything I had to say.
Thanks for the advice, warm wish's and help.

From Jules

I guess the best way to find out ‘The Ultimate Truth” is to go what over what I already know to be true. For me that is.

My Life is a choice. I know that I made the choice to be here, now and to be ‘alive’.