How am I supposed to evolve when I feel the constant decay inside my soul?

Humanity is dynamic. We will learn our power and follow our guidance. You are a seer of the truth, and you are here for a reason. Dark nights are followed by bright days, eternally.

I wish I had the answer... but I don't... I can tell you what I do,,, I just keep pushing and learning and applying and living... I used to be bullied a lot too but not anymore... I used to be used and manipulated but not anymore,,, I used to be manipulative, vindictive, bitter,,, but not anymore...
there are wonderful ppl out there I know because I've found them..
I too want to evolve but evolve to what? so I just keep moving and improving my life experience in my way to the inevitable death...

Much love to you jules =)

Just be here now, even when its hard, even when it sucks. Let Evolution happen as a natural process.

Trust the fact that the world that allows you to go through suffering is the same world that allows for beauty, life, and love.

As we become one complete global organism, as the cosmic consciousness collects itself we must realize the the most enlightened among us has within them the most unconscious and vise versa. we must claim our shadows in order to move forth, as we become more connected we must dive into the depths of hell and bring forth light so that we can move onward together. Perhaps we feel more negativity now because we are becomming more connected to our surroundings and that is what the cumulative consciousness is singing.

On an individual level you must recognize that everything that is happening is somehow brought on by your greater self. If you let things get to you they will continue to appear until you accept them, change what you can, and just let go to follow the current. Maybe your soul chose this life as an opporuntity to get better, like the athlete chooses the most rigorous work out. Like the black smith molding out a peice of metal, your higher self keeps pounding out the imperfections until they get smoothed out. Certain areas need more work than others so if you are not accepting what is and fighting the present, the hammer will keep comming down until you give in.

Love to All,
Brian

Die and be reborn.

Rebirth yourselves into the one you feel you need to be.

matters hardly which method you use to achive this.

(as long as it is not actually fatal )

" A rising tide - drowns those without boats " - Cee Are
"The object under your feet is always the dance floor " - Cee Are

This is a challenge for those of us socialized and living in our western world. I think most of us have lots of ups and downs. Humor is the antidote as is trying to lighten up. Finding positive people who can help uplift you works, too.

Finding a sangha (Buddhist group) helps me. Ultimately, as you know, the choice is ours. Often, life is what we make it. It is that simple.

"It is not what happens to us, it is our thoughts about what happened."
Epicletus

Jules,
It's up to you, seriously, at one point you made a choice to hurt others, disappoint, lie, cheat, and steal, and now you feel like a hollow shell. And the anger that led to that choice was real, but the choice was yours. You can make other choices, when someone treats you wrong, you can choose to continue to engage with them or not, you can choose to get angry or not, but remember, no matter what you do, you have made a choice and you can make a different one if you want. If you want to be empty inside, up to you...no one else in the entire universe can control you, only you have domain over yourself.
Own it.
Use it.
I don't pray, but I pray for you.
Eric

You're already evolving, that's why you question the state you're in. In my experience, the hardest part of evolving are the in-betweens, where you have realized something is wrong, but haven't yet arrived at the 'answer'.

You'll get there. Never mind joy - what other things in life gives you energy? Go where the energy already is - that'll bring you to a better place.