love love and loving

Mainly a quick unedited musing on whether we can create space in relationships for our partners to love others. it appears to me, if you read People magazine and other reliable news sources (!) that cheating is bad and a "dealbreaker" and there is no other way to look at it.
at the risk of being labeled with a mental illness (see evolver top news), i wonder if it is possible to have a relationship wherein one party is attracted to another person, and instead of interpreting the attraction as devastating and deal-breaking and causing the relationship to end, rather use that to build a deeper intimacy?
I do not know what most polyamorous couples do, and i do know it takes a lot of work, regardless of how committed to polyamory people are. jealousy is present in the best of us and it is an enormous challenge sometimes to not let it ruin a relationship.
personally i wanted to explore openness in relationship specifically to challenge my own feelings of jealousy and attachment. i failed miserably on my last attempt. but that does not mean i am unwilling to try again! to me, jealousy is just an emotion that i can choose to find freedom from or not.
i believe we will always continue to find other people attractive, no matter how deeply in love we might be with our partner. but it does not necessarily follow that we will want to continue to see lots and lots of people. i also think we are up against years of patterns and conditioning among individuals that make us all pretty neurotic, even when we think we aren't, especially in this category.
still, to me it's worth thinking about. at the root of the matter is the question of loving without attachment. is it possible to truly love someone without attaching to them? there are so many levels of attachment; attachment to identifying as a lover, as their lover; attachment to their physical being and having them present to hold, talk to, touch; attachment to their emotional support and the support we give them; attachment to having this person with us for a fixed period of time (ie, your whole life)...
and so i continue to ramble on and try to make sense of it all, as we do. i know that i do not want to limit love in any way, and i want to push myself and whomever i am with to really be intimate in communication in a really profound way. i also want to be free enough in a relationship to allow for attraction to others, and even exercising that attraction if it comes to that.
i have a suspicion, though, that within a relationship where honest, open, intimate communication takes place with conscious effort, and there is space for the people in the relationship to exist in freedom, that perhaps there will be less and less desire to act on attractions...or, a greatly enhanced open and loving sex life with boundaries that reach beyond the couple themselves.
in the end, i am grateful to be living in an era where i have the freedom to examine these questions and explore polyamory should i choose and i am not locked into any marriage as per society standards.