FORGIVENESS SAKE!

You’ve read all the books, talked until you’re blue in the face to your therapist and friends, said the words “I forgive you” repeatedly and still… you can’t quite fully relinquish lingering remnants of resentment. Think about it. Think about one person to whom you most owe forgiveness to - an absent father, a mother who has disappointed you, an ex-lover that hurt you. Can you honestly say that you have REALLY forgiven them? Wholeheartedly, can you embrace full forgiveness within your heart and see them with pure, true unfiltered compassion? If the answer is no, or even maybe, I’m about to explain why.

Let’s start with the minute detail that our subconscious mind accounts for nearly 90% of our behaviors… 90%!!! Just when we think we’ve got it all under control, the subconscious is holding our deepest feelings, fears and drum roll………protection mechanisms! But don’t be angry at your dear, hard-working subconscious. It’s just trying to help. It can’t decipher negative from positive and it actually has your best interests in mind. It absorbs ideas and programs to keep you safe.

Early on in life you began to learn about the world and what it takes to feel secure and loved. For example, take a child who grew up in a household with a father who was stern and quick to punish. The child may have coped by learning how to hide in order to be safe, and most likely that child will not be outspoken or outgoing for the sake of being accepted by others. When it comes to forgiveness and resentment the same formula applies. The subconscious doesn’t hold on to something for no reason! It retains any form of protection to survive.

If you had an emotionally or physically absent parent, you may have spent some of your adult years trying to really forgive them for their absence, and still you either can’t quite forgive them, or perhaps you continue to get ‘triggered’ by people in your life now that are not fully there for you emotionally. Your subconscious is harboring that resentment to serve you. Your subconscious may think, “If I resent my absent parent, I’ll keep them at bay, and then I’m protected.” In my healing practice, I’ve encountered many clients that hold on to the resentment so that they can honor themselves. For instance, if they experienced abandonment as a child (I mean who didn’t on some level?) they may resent the parent or person who abandoned them so that they know they know how to feel honored. “If I’m angry at them, then I know they were wrong, and I’m worth being loved.” The reasons are vast and particular to the individual and experience.

Ok, so how do we change this tricky, complex, and constantly computing subconscious for the betterment of our well being? If you can’t get to your nearest and dearest Thetahealer (wink wink), I offer you a powerful perception and avenue for resolution and healing. Take for instance the example of the absent parent; you are allowing for them to determine your safety AND worth. THESE are the things you need to look at and embrace for yourself, once these are yours- truly and fully, you are then able to truly forgive them.

We must ultimately become accountable for creating and maintaining our own feelings of confidence, love, and empowerment, and stop putting it in the hands of others. It is not the responsibility of others to make us feel safe or worthy. We have to stop wasting time and expending painful energy towards others and towards ourselves. What a gift to give yourself to begin conjuring love from within, and to give to the most important people in your life freedom of the obligation of making you feel ok.

All is possible with a little honest introspection and an open heart. It may take some time and attention, but your peace and well-being are on the line. The power of forgiveness is encouraged and expressed profoundly in faiths, traditions and cultures spanning thousands of years before us. It is time for us to stop blaming and separating ourselves, to love one another and ourselves enough to move forward in our lives and for the collectiveness of all beings. We cannot love humanity without loving a human first. Let’s start small and expand our hearts exponentially. Who can you forgive today? And what aspect of yourself can you embrace on your own?