"struggling"

My mother died when I was eight and I often wonder how different I would be if she had lived. I told myself throughout my life that the shock of her death at such an early age led me to seek higher knowledge. So was it to my spiritual benefit that she died, permaturely kicking me out of the nest, forced to face cold reality? Each of our peculiar lives and paths are written for our aid. Now you are basiclally alone, not knowing who to trust, not really having anyone to talk with that understands. You do have Evolver though and it's unique audience. As a teacher once advised me, "We are given what we need." Be alert to circumstances that seem to be mere coincidence but are in actuality synchronistic opportunities. Higher forces be with you.

"I am pushing hard to just CHANGE... jump off into the abyss and DO it. MAKE THE SHIFT.

however.. I am finding it hard."

iT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD! Som eone said once too, its not the destination its the journey!

the universe is trying to teach you a lesson. why don't you take your clothes to a place that could really use them, like a homeless shelter so that people don't have to buy your clothes, they can just have them and they are prolly always open to recieve and even if they aren't then either write down when they are open and leave that piece of paper out or just put the clothes out front or wherever with a note and I'm sure it will be alright. and it's fun to give stuff away, it's only stuff and lightening up is great. on all levels. Goodwill is cool and all, but over priced for a charity-like organization and so giving your clothes to those who really really need them is a much better option. maybe you have some nice clothes that a homeless or near homeless person could use for an interview or something. wouldn't that be great?

as for your mom I'm sorry you had to go through that. i did too. my mom died when I was five and was sick with lung cancer the whole time. Your mother isn't suffering anymore and her spirit is always around and so it's ok. My father was suffering terribly before he passed on from cancer as well, but he's alright now and not hurting and I feel him and my mom every day watching over me and guiding me. just trust that your mother is doing the same and that she is happier now that she herself is much lighter. she is totally in the Goddess of the Voids loving hands and there really is no other better place for her. I'm sure you will see her again.

You can't let negativity get you down. ever. if you feel negative or sad or depressed thoughts then look at them to understand why they are coming up. they are coming up to be cleansed and to be freed and you have to let them go or they will swallow you up like a demon from hell. I too suffer from depression and sadness and loneliness but I reach for the light and ask God for help and I get it. Just ask the Universe to open up paths for you to show you a brighter easier way and you will receive your gifts. Let the Great Spirit be your guide and trust that all your movements come from her and that you are doing the right thing.

and listen to Sting more, he certainly has a lot of power and positivity in him and his song Desert Rose is quite the lift. i like to think of "Every Breath You Take" as Gods voice working through him to let us know that we will be alright and that God is always guiding and watching over us to make sure that even if we do fall that something will be there to help you back up and that she wants us to believe in her again and that she misses us terribly even though we and she are right here. Here, but lost. It's a great love song too from someone reaching out to their own lost love. listen to a lot of other good music as well, music pulls me out of the negative places I sometimes find myself in because those artists are there for many reasons and they have been given that power by God to help guide us through a great many things. Well, the good artists anyway and you be the judge of what lifts you up or down and stick to the UP. we are in tricky times and UP is the only way to go. Sting will get you there and he was also Bilbo and Frodo's shining sword and if he can cut through a bunch of Goblins and big nasty spiders then imagine what his words and music can do to your seemingly dire situation on a vibrational level. Transmutation is what is being called for and good musical vibes are one big step in that process.

and never compare your personal progress to anothers, we are all doing the best we can and in the end we will all end up in the same place together as one loving family and there will be no judgment on how you got there or how fast or slow so just go your own pace and do what is right for you. We will all catch up to each other in time. you run your ship, no one else and only you know what is right. Follow your heart and let the Universe guide you, I'm sure you will find delights where you least expected them.

In Lak'ech Ala K'in

but just go with it and know that the universe knows what it's doing and that it will work out in the end. Actually, I do understand, it's just that the universe gives me so many lessons at once that sometimes it's hard to keep up and see clearly through it all.

sell your stuff if you need money then, do as you see fit, it was just a suggestion, but if you don't really need the money then give them to someone who really will like them. perhaps your friends just don't need the clothes and Goodwill is stuffed to the core with clothes cuz that is the first place people take them, but I bet that a homeless shelter would absolutely love a bunch of clothes to put in a give away box so that the people who have been wearing the same thing for way too long can have something nicer. try harder to give them away. someone out there wants them and if will help them then it helps you.

Just think of the homeless as friends you haven't met yet and then when you give them your clothes you will have met them and you will have new friends and you won't be so sad anymore because you created great happiness in someone's life. wouldn't that be great? and make your friends who it seems must have enough clothes already give some of theirs away too. Personally I have been wearing the same darn thing since last month with the exception of one different top and maybe pants, yoga pants that I have been wearing for 10 years now and see no need to replace yet, but when I do I will sew myself a new pair out of organic materials.

we really don't need as much as we have and what we do have excess of we really should just wittle down to basics so that materialism doesn't take over our lives. I just sold a bunch of stuff and I feel great about it. they were mostly tools for the sewing trade, but I learned I can get by without them just fine and now I have more room for yoga and for the guests that will be staying the night tonight whereas before there would have been crammed room. and if it is meant to be I will get it all back. I sold a nice cutting table but honestly, a table is a flat surface with legs and I just saw a door for free down the street that I have to go get because it will be my new cutting table top. see how it works? give a little get a little and be happy with it.

In Lak'ech Ala K'in