Forgiveness
posted by Carcar | July 7, 2010
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IcerocketBefore I start ranting, I must say that I have missed all of you beautiful evolvers; your stories, ideas, and blogs. It's been a while, and I've been very busy, but logging on really brings a peace to my mind and heart, so thank you all for that.
A lot has happened since my last blog and I just wanted to share what I've been thinking and feeling, because I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy. I'm sure many of you have experienced somebody that you have adored and cared for more than anything in the world, letting you down. I'm talking about the kind of let down that stops you in your tracks, something that just came out of left field. The feeling of pain, anger, sadness, and betrayal all rolled into one single action. I don't know what to do...and I really don't know where to go from here. I suppose I'm writing in hope of some answers, stories, or advice. What do you do when an old wound is re-opened, only to bleed again? What do you do when it's the one person you love most in the whole world? Do you take into consideration that maybe they don't love you the same way, if they hurt you this much? Or do you focus on their apology, and what can be done for the future?
I've been taking the time to be alone, to think, to write, to cry, and to come to the realization that I haven't concluded anything. I feel that I'm stuck on repeat, and I no longer know what to do. Once you forgive...where do you go from there? And if you forgive for the mere fact of loving them, does that fully take effect if you don't forget? I know all I pretty much have for you are questions, but I also know many of you have found the answers; and for those who are still looking, where are you searching?
"Forgiveness is not forgetting an injustice done; it is the understanding that allows us to set aside the emotional impact of that injustice pertaining to ourselves. When we no longer hold those emotions, and have understanding for the person, we have forgiven them."
-Moon Singer
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I love you all very much.
-Carcar <3
Comments
Hello Again
— Jul 07, 2010
CarCar, you are an absolutely beautiful soul. I love what you have to say and if I can help you in any way please just ask. I would love to become friends and share tales of lifes journeys. My gifts are listening, understanding, and loving. I am here for you at any time. Push on and fullfill all your dreams and desires. You are in my daily prayers and I am so very happy to have met you here on Evolver. Keep in touch and if you wanna couch surf my door is always open. I have people at my humble abode alot and being raised by my Hippie Mum and Biker dad our door has always beer open to anyone in need with no strings. Thank-you for befriending me. LOVE & LIGHT, Kevin
Being misunderstood & let down again
— Jul 15, 2010
Hi CarCar, I hope things are going better in your world. I may not remain on Evolver much longer? As usual this place has strange, demonic, unbalanced, whacked out freaks too. I just don't get some people. I really don't dig being threatened by someone that misunderstood a compliment and took it as some kind of sexually based disrespect. That's not who I am. I came here looking for healing and friendship. I came here to share my experiences with others so that they may find some answers and comfort in my words. To be threatened in the way I was just threatened really hurt my feelings. I will hang out on here for a while longer but i'm not going to say much more to most of the people I have befriended. I will answer your messages and just wanted to let you know I am still around and I really hope things are better for you. Please do contact me and let me know how you are. Thanx, Kevin
awwwwww.....
— Jul 17, 2010
don't go Mr. Owl, perhaps we've just misunderstood each other completely. See, I've been hurt before and pretty badly too and I get scared easily by men and perhaps you didn't realize how some...too nice things affect me and then I think that if they affect me that way then they may affect others that way and so I get a little defensive. I'm only trying to find friends and heal myself as well and it's hard to because I feel quite alone most of the time and though I know where I'm going I do feel lost sometimes too. It's not so easy being a girl cat these daze who's mainly flying on intuition and guidance from spirits.
I think we should come to a truce because you really do have a mega ton blast of light in you and you are an angel. I'm a little ruff and tuff and you'll have to forgive me for that, I mean no harm and I truly do come in peace, it's just that...there is a slight imbalance in the scales of justice these daze as well so it gets a little tricky. I could use some help and maybe this is the lesson just for that. For both of us. I bet we have a lot to learn from each other, you certainly are daring and dashing in your efforts to go save the world from certain destruction and you are a lover of nature and we are so close anyway.
And you planted a seed for me and no one has ever done that for this cat before so...don't go Mr. Owl, we need you here, you're very sweet. And I'm sorry I turn into a t-rex sometimes, but sometimes you gotta tear it up! I'll do my best not to not tear you or anyone else up again. Unless someone comes at me knives out that is, I mean, a girlz gotta protect herself doesn't she? mew!
In Lak'ech Ala K'in
Everyday is a gift. I think
— Jul 07, 2010
Everyday is a gift. I think focusing on the present moments have def helped.
Thanks Helge =)
Forgiveness seems to me a
— Jul 07, 2010
Forgiveness seems to me a two way street in that you may be able to forgive another but unless you can forgive yourself... the transaction (so-to-speak), cannot be concluded.
I wish I had a more complete thought to articulate here but for lack of which I'll have to skip and I suppose filling in such blanks will have to be with more questions but...
Who is the person you are trying to forgive? Do they themselves know who they are? Did they ask for forgiveness or did they merely confess how sorry they were? Many people will say they're sorry but very few will actually ask for forgiveness. A theory as to why that is, might be that the sorry simply do not know what forgiveness is. Perhaps they have no need for such a thing and perhaps they don't care...
Someone who knows who they are however will recognize that we are all one and to hurt themselves it is to hurt others and hurting others hurts the self although ego can often convince us otherwise. So if one can confirm that another does not know who they are, the one must take precautions just as one would with any other creature of earth.
We are all alien to one another here. The only reason we know anyone else is at least is in part due to a confidence we have that there will be peace among private parties. But this can only come from assurances made in the public. Without assurance there can be no confidence.
Okay now, if a being doesn't know who they are can they provide or are there any assurances they can produce which can restore confidence other than knowing who they are? This is beginning to reveal the seem in the tapestry now because would a being who knew who they were ever do whatever it is they did? Does this creature fear the outcome of their actions? Particularly if the one they hurt doesn't know who she is either? Not saying that you don't know who you are or anything but, it is evidenced with your plea in this blog.
I could go into who you are but actually I already blogged it here: http://www.evolver.net/user/absalom/blog/who_am_i
You are the only thing you can control and you have total control of your perceptions, but only in the now and not if handed back to the past or pushed into the future. This is just my perception and I could be full of shit. I do however get alone famously with others who see things similarly. Which is true regardless no? Any group of people with a very similar outlook and principles, do they not for the most part all get along? Even those prone to conflict will seek out others who are prone to conflict.
Over the years I have had friends of all flavors. The ones that understand me are still around the ones that don't aren't around. My personal love-life and relationships may fall short on the yardstick of status quo, but that's not really a perception that has any meaning for me now. When one dwells upon how they've felt in the past, they bring that feeling to the present. So in the past I may have felt lonely or abandon. Well what good is this to me now? Then perhaps linking that to an emotional attachment?; Is that intelligent? This just seems self-deprecating to me. Perhaps this all seems cold and callous and perhaps it's true. Perhaps I really don't know what love is and thus it sets this entire mantra eschew relative to you and your experience. I accept that this is merely a reflection of my own experience. Can you forgive me?
"Seek not abroad, turn back into thyself, for in the inner man dwells the truth..."
Ooooo that was deep. Thank
— Jul 07, 2010
Ooooo that was deep. Thank you for that. I don't think you were cold or callous, I appreciate your input. This is what I wanted to hear. I def agree with a lot that you said and it's interesting how your own experience turns into advice. I know who I am, and I love who I am, it's just hard to stick to that when emotions are involved...it's harder to step out and look at the entire picture, but that is why I have been giving myself time. Time to think, time to vent, time to ask for advice...that is what I wanted to do with my fellow evolvers =) And I thank you for all that you wrote.
-Carcar <3
Namaste
— Jul 09, 2010
Hi Carcar, just discovered this site, was stirred by your posting, and joined so I could reply. It's beautiful to see people sharing wisdom, perspective, inspiration, and advice on coping with life's turbulence. This week in particular my friends have really truly been there for me during a tough loss, and I'm so grateful for all the loving, supportive family we can all have in this world, if we reach out and make connections.
Pertaining to your post, I just wanted to say that I've felt for a long time that one of the big challenges/goals in life is to refrain from becoming jaded, while developing better and better character judgment and street smarts. There are countless types of people out there, so we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we end up getting burned anyways. But we have to do our best to learn about character types, about traits and patterns in people's behavior, and be somewhat vigilant in order to protect ourselves from those likely to let us down. I'm very sorry to see such a sweet spirit as you feeling hurt and bewildered, although I can tell your friends on this site have helped. You certainly have the right to forgive someone, and then choose whether or not to allow them to remain in your circle. And if so, then you have the right to switch to a more reserved level of trust, until when/if they ever truly display to you that they have evolved beyond the level they were at when they hurt you. Let yourself learn about human nature and character faults, but retain your loving and trusting spirit, your passion for life, etc., and focus it mostly on those who likely deserve your gifts.
Last thought...sometimes lengthy conversations with someone who let us down can really shed light...really give you a chance to learn about that person's values, and how safe it really is or isn't to share all of yourself with that person. People will define themselves for you, via words and actions.
Namaste, ~Alec
www.facebook.com/alecmarken
Alec
— Jul 09, 2010
Thank you so much for this. All of you have def helped more than you will ever know. I think this is exactly what I needed, different perspectives...and it has helped me so much to find the answers which I was looking for. The conversation is def happening soon, but I feel so much more grounded and sure, and it has been in a huge part because of you all, so thank you!
-Carcar <3
Take a road trip to Santa Barbara maybe?
— Jul 07, 2010
And forget your troubles for a little bit? ;)
Sounds like you need some time away to quiet your busy mind.
---
Christopher Lowman
www.movingtowardspeace.com
golly girl
— Jul 08, 2010
I just went through the same thing it sounds like. I was hurt terribly too by two people, pretty much at once, but one very deeply, not a lover, but a friend I consider to be a brother. It was harsh what he did and I felt stabbed in both the heart and the back, but...people do and say things without thinking and sometimes they act out of an old wound as well.
I myself have been acting out of old wounds from past lives and sometimes never knew it. i never really hurt anyone, but my reactions to things that have happened were a lot from past lives and perhaps weren't the best reactions to have, but at least I say I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness.
when my friend hurt me I was enraged and hurt and confused and spinning in a sad circle, which is what kind of put me in the situation that made me ask for prayers and miracles just recently. I could not transmute my own sad feelings, but you all helped me so much, you helped ease the pain and brought light to my eyes again and clarity to my soul so I can go on.
as for my friend who hurt me I can see that perhaps he didn't even mean it. i do have a problem with men lashing out at me and making me feel bad for no reason except that I carry so much light that it makes the dark freak out sometimes and strike at me. this is what could have happened to you, men unfortunately carry a good amount of it due to the social structures and wierd things that have been put in place, women too, but it just doesn't seem to be as much, we have our own cross to carry. You are a Light Bringer, I can see that clearly and sometimes the dark don't like it much do it? No it don't, but you have to be the stronger person and rise above and try to transmute the negative energy sent to you. If you are hurting just look at Gods creations in nature and feel the love flowing from them to you, a positive cycle to replace the negative one you are in, or were in, I will use the past tense there cuz I know you can get out of this. you are strong girl, I know you are.
this person obviously needs healing and the only way to heal is to love and to forgive, but not to forget, because this was the Universe teaching you a lesson. we are heading into a stage of life where more and more light and truth is being revealed and again, the dark don't like it much. The dark inside us all will feel that light and try to run, try to hide, try to strike out at whatever is shining that light and you are my dear, you are shining bright big time and you have to watch out for that and be prepared. You have to stay strong in the face of turmoil and hang on when the emotional rollercoaster feels like it may flip its tracks and go haywire. No matter what, stay strong and loving.
There is a shaman inside each of us, to whatever degree we can manage and there is a healer inside each of us as well and you have to be that healer now. You have to love more than ever before and when someone gets gnarly on you or lashes out or hurts you in anyway, any way, you have to just crank that love light up honey and have no fear of the dark. have no fear. You are protected by God, your heart is protected and your soul and she will give you the strength to deal with your hurt and confusion. Just ask the Universe, our Great Cosmic Mother for the guidance and strength you need and you will receive it. I always do and I deal with a lot of dark energy transmutation. I think I am up to pro level with transmutation by now and thank Allah for that, I need it.
Just know that this person may not have really known what he or she was doing. we are entering a time of trial and of growing intensity, yet just know that all hurts will be healed in the end and that Love and Light are about the best "weapons of defense" against what may come at you.
I'm sorry you're hurting and I will pray for you just like you did for me for almost the same situation, because it wasn't just the loss of a job that had me in such a dark place, my heart was torn asunder, by two people I love with all my heart, and that is not easy to deal with, especially when I received no apology of any kind. That kind of transmutation is hard to deal with because it is so deep inside, but again, thanks to the fabulous folks on evolver I feel like a new person. You are ever so beautiful CarCar and I hope you stay strong and see the light that fills your soul and shines upon every one of us. You are a blessing my friend. If you ever need anything please ask, I'll be here for you.
Much love to you sweetie, may your heart mend and be stronger and sweeter and lighter than ever. My Panda ferret sends you love too! She's got big big heart!
In Lak'ech Ala K'in
:sigh:
— Jul 09, 2010
Kitty,
This msg filled me up with such happiness that it made me cry. I could feel the love you put into this msg and I wanted to thank you for that. I am def doing a lot better, and how I told Alec, a huge part has to do because of all of you. It amazes me that I have never met any of you in person, but your words, advice, and prayers, have done more than certain people I have known all my life; it's beautiful and inspiring. It's comforting to know that I can come here and be raw and truthful and without hesitation you all have your arms wide open, ready to take me in. Just like FW said in her blog, we all have to support one another, thru our strengths and weaknesses. Thanks a million Kitty, and Panda too <3
This is just a test...
— Jul 09, 2010
Of your inner strength and a valuable lesson that is part of your personal life journey on this earth plane. Forgiveness after a while will help heal that wound, but the real question is how long will it take until you gain full trust once again with the person that caused the damage to begin with. Usted as La Luz Divina la sonrisa que tienes es preciosa...so on that note believe in yourself and the cosmic energy of Infinite wisdom will bathe you in its loving radiance so you may be whole once again...Bendiciones y Abrazos! Tico
