How do you "get over it"?
posted by Cassius Gaius | November 22, 2009
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IcerocketI was reading a post here recently by Rebecca Lerner called "I get by with a little help from my tribe" and I came to a revelation.
I am terrified of finding my own "tribe" and I need to get over being scared.
A very brief background. I used to live the deep southern US and had a "tribe of two" that were near me but I was told that I had a much larger tribe up north. I was told that if I moved up north I would have a large tribe that already knew me and were willing to accept me as I was.
I accepted and then I found out that my new "tribe" didn't see me as anyone to spend time with. That plus the fact that I had problems making new friends meant that I spend a lot of time alone for what turned into years.
Being alone was really painful and traumatic.
My question is this. How would you get over this type of trauma if it happened to you? I just want to have some type of plan of recovery before I go hunting for my tribe again. Because I can't go through what I've gone through these past few years again. I just can't.
Comments
Feeling your pain
— Nov 22, 2009
Well, Im not sure I have an answer as Im in that space myself. 5 years ago I finally took a step forward in actually becoming the person I hid my whole life then spent those 5 years with a tribe who basically abused me in a whole "new" way. Didnt see that one coming.
So Ive have withdrawn in some fear as well. However, I am trying to take baby steps towards a new tribe by healing patterns that I didnt realize I was holding onto that drew me to them or them to me in the first place. Moving forward with the experience itself and in forgivness. I can be honest and say entering a new tribe with trust is going to be a bit rough for me. Im willing to be open but this time more awake to those I surround myself with.
Hi Cassius
— Nov 22, 2009
I sympathise with you for having been lonely for such a long period of time.
I think I would find things I enjoy doing, and start doing them . . . as in joining a club or a team of, whatever it is. A sport or hobby or something. That way, I would meet people who I would have something to talk about with, that we are all interested in, and we would enjoy this activity together. Personally I have a drive to live my life 'right'. What it means to me is striving to be the best I can get physically and mentally. Now I'm not a fitness freak or anything, but I don't want to pollute my body with bad food anymore, and I want to just feel good without having to have a drink or take some stimulant or painkiller. The more I find out about how to do this for myself, the more I run into others interested in the same things. And we straight off have something in common, and it's something of interest to us both. At some point perhaps you discover yourself surrounded by your 'tribe', that's a nice thought. Sorry I waffle a little bit, but that's my suggestion.
Feel you also
— Nov 24, 2009
I understand what loneliness can do to you. It causes your system to shutdown and live in a world filled with doubt. First off don't go hunting as you put it. Find things you are truly passionate about. If you love talking Philosophy find groups that meetup (meetup.com) and join the sessions.... If you have a passion for art or cooking find groups that do this also.... I guess making sure you are doing all this for yourself and only you... Not to "find your tribe" will make the people you find yourself surrounded by what you need. As you grow to be the person that lay dormant within fellow path walkers will join you.....
And suddenly you will realize you have found your tribe without ever hunting....
Cheers my friend,
THiNKShawn
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