collective tears

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5
groks

this is from another group.. I have to put it here because I didn't hit send... and for some reason I can hardly sleep now.... today aches.. and I don't know why except maybe I am feeling Dylan and he is not understanding what happened to his life....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know where I'm at,
whether at this time or another time..
It's like the veil has gotten really thin
and my head seems to be feeling strange..

2 times I wrote messages in the last week..
and they disappeared

Okay so maybe I forgot to hit send on the first one..
I could see that..
but the second one,
the message was in my mailbox,
I read it,
clicked the link to follow it,
replied..

yet today that message that I read yesterday is not in my mailbox,
and I can't find it here..

I need to sleep
and yet I cant..

I'm weary tired
lay down and hear my grandson
wake up and weep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
everything thing in me says Spirit says don't worry,
and momma says your garden is about to grow

but I can't sleep
and when I lay down
I hear the sound of Dylan at my door
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that this is more than just my sob story..
I know that I am touching a collective
of missing children
of children ripped out of loved ones hands,
a beautiful life is torn to shredds
while grandmothers / fathers /mothers weep

that is why I have to be here in this holy place
to make this prayer known..

I think I have to pass this way
because it is for the healing
of this wound upon our psyche.

Comments

I'm going to put all my tears here

even if no one here can bear to read them
I still must put this out into the collective whole
so the energy can be healed..... It is what I do

aka The weeping Warrior

I'm just going to run it in one stream and not pmake many blogs.. just here now all the way up to where I am in this process... for I understand now I have entered into the collective soul of all these jpeople who weep when their children are ripped from their hands.. and other here, the daddy didn't care while babies weep and wanted to know why daddy never called......

this is for the healing of all residing within this part of the collective soul, where grandmothers father/ mother child weeps to be rip from the arms of love..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

in the beginning..... I thought it is the end of an era..

October 3, 2009
where can I hide
that thou canst find me in my tears

all day long my heart weeps
the knowledge
this beautiful moment in time

ends

how I have loved
and felt loved in this memory
to dance like that
and watch your eyes dance inside of mine

to feel you walk behind me
in my footsteps
and run ahead
to look behind and laugh

joy, joy, joy

It is this tree I shall disappear into with my tears,
3 years was such a short time
to walk so close beside you..

I hear this tree say to me
our roots will always be bonded

In the dream it seemed peaceful

I'll be away.... and won't be here much until I get moved back to Kansas City..... In the dream it seemed peaceful..... but in real life it went horribly wrong, and now I will be packing up my life and leaving these beloved mountains and moving back to kc....... I have already found a caretaker for my plants..... and I may have nearly 40 of them...... oh how I have loved being here....... I am taking my beloved stone friends with me... but leaving the plants because when I moved down here to my beloved mountain I brought them with me, and the wind blew off all the leaves...... plus my oldest son doesn't have a yard so I don’t have a place to put them... so still... tears inside.... poetry..

I shall forever love and cherish the visions and water hugs I was given during my stay here... to running into the gate keeper from my home world, to wakinyan mergings and river mergings (when river sang a love song to a misty mountain) and whale dreams and unicorn rememberings. I have loved and cherished you sacred mountains even as my time comes to an end...... I have been here 3 years, wanted to stay a lifetime.. this is a holy place, place of my people.. I love you so.

from Sara

So so so sorry that you need to leave your beautiful place... I know
what that is like, to love and
tend and be nurtured by a sacred spot and then need to move on. You are
wise to leave the plants.
When I moved from my garden (of 20 years) in hills of coastal CA, I
attempted to bring a whole uhaul van of plants and small trees (I had
started from seed) with me. Most did not successfully make the
journey. Only my flag iris (came as roots) and one apple tree are left
from that trip (ten years ago now). What you are leaving behind is not
being left behind - these plants (and all that you are connected to in
your sacred spot) live in your soul, and will root your presence in that
sacred spot, and in and through and with you, your own essential roots
will receive what they anchor. Good that you have been able to arrange
caretakers
for them. Blessed be on your journey.... Sara

River of tears....

It's raining outside

matching the tears

running out my eyes

where can I run

that my tears will not find me?

It's the inner child

place where the inner child

sits doodling on a piece of paper

even there she weeps.

from Kymberlee

Hi,
I am going to the Chenrezig prayers at the sangha this morning. I will light a candle for you.
Here is a beautiful youtube of "Om Mani Padme Hum"

Kymberlee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvA-LFGYYqc&feature=related

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

gratitude when saying goodbye..

thanks.... watching the utube reminded me of why I am so in love with these mountains... seeing them lay there like that looking up towards the heavens, looking out upon the stars at night, and looking out upon the day light I have heard them them humming just like that.... sleeping amongst them in my human form reminds me of what it feels like to be a mountain.

also, thanks for lighting a candle..... Looking back over the last 4 hours..... we had gone out to eat, and staring at the mountains in the pouring rain I again began to weep.. then momma took me deep into her spirit and showed me a picture of rain falling down, while within her body that slept plants began to sprout.. she said, "when you make it to the other side of your tears Maureen you will find such such a garden." and she told me that I had spent the last 3 years planting so many beautiful seeds and bulbs, all inside of me and that the tears would make them grow....

so I think now, as I look back over the last 4 hours, that must have been the candle you lit for me...

thanks

(side note, I've tried several times to erase my signature, as I do not know how this story is going to end and I am weeping so loudly, but Spirit says, "the signature stays" so here it is)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

a picture of Sally, trying to get a smile on my face

Nice video.... animal love

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=634...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

reminder to watch my thoughts from Sally

So sorry for your trial.

Just remember to watch your thoughts, ditch the toxic ones, this is their karma! You are an innocent, sublime and wonderful child of God..Father, Mother, ancient, wise, true, beautiful.

mahalo and blessings on your path.

Get the rescue remedy yes..in all forms, cream, pastilles, drops..Make up a batch in a quart of water, sip all day long!!!

my suggestion, sweet pea;)
````````````````````````````````````````

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

can I have a remedy?

guess I had better get some.... I don't even remember if I told you........ I dreamed and in the dream it went so smoothly, but its like some alternate reality shifted off of it and it became something different..... before yesterday I was weeping for the end of a journey.. 3 years with grandbabies so close I watched them take their first steps and crawl for the first time, and watched as they got old enough to open the door and sneak to grandma's house.. and wept the thought it was the end of an era to know they (the whole family) was moving to Wichita..... then she took all the kids, said they were going to breakfast.. and left... and they did not answer the ph to my sons frantic calling any more after that.... so now she has created this awful hateful thing for us to deal with... and I no longer know how many years will pass before these 4 grandchildren will grace my life again... so I have traveled from a daily dance to a world where it appears there are those who would paint it as I don't really love them any more... or something bigger I cannot conceive

and weeping I called my son in Kansas City to tell him this awful thing that has now taken place.. and with the knowledge that I do not believe I will ever get to see them again being 10 hours away.... well now I move back to kc.... so now on top of the tears I weep.. I weep for the loss of my beloved mountains...

I will get some rescue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

Removing Past Life Impressions..... from Sally

Removing Past Life Impressions
By Jeff Poole

The Vedas describe life as an infinite flow of energy and intelligence expressing itself from an unbounded pure field of consciousness. And just as when we place our foot in a river we never touch the same water twice, each moment our lives reshape themselves as the flow of consciousness expresses itself through the blueprint layer that resides at the finest level of existence.
This finest layer is known as ritam bhara prajna (that layer which only knows truth), it is also the home of all the laws of nature giving rise to this world.

Blocks and impressions reside in our consciousness left as the residue of uncompleted karma from past lives. These impressions can sometimes leave scars like grooves or dents in consciousness, called samskaras. They can give rise to imperfections or abnormalities that manifest in our lives as addictions, undesirable habits and/or unconscious behaviors, all of which create suffering in life.
Maharishi Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras shed profound light on these tendencies of the mind, which Patanjali calls, kleshas. The kleshas are five negative expressions of mind which bring unhappiness and torment.
They are:
Ignorance (avidya) – being unable to see the truth or reality of what underlies existence. This ignorance comes with forgetting “who you are.”
Egotism (asmita) – being certain that “I” really exist, and acting on that sense of “I.” We seldom ask “who is the I”?
Desire (raga) – being filled with a passion, lust or thirst for something. This comes with the craving of “I must have it.”
Aversion (divesha) – not wanting, or pushing something away. This resistance appears whenever we extoll, “I don’t want this.” This is the “inability to be with what is.”
Fear of Death (abhinivesha) – the ultimate fear that exists in all living things; related to the persistence of the mundane. When all you see is only the mundane workaday world, losing it brings fear.

Patanjali says that these tendencies arise in consciousness from accumulation of our karmic debt as a result of our past, present and future actions. The laws of karma are so vast and complex that it’s impossible to determine what is accumulating, when it will affect us and how we can remove them all to find our way to freedom.
It is the purpose of sadhana, our spiritual practices, remove this karma. Meditation has the greatest effect of neutralizing and removing this karma from our lives. Vedic masters actually describe meditation as a cosmic washing machine capable of cleansing group consciousness of its collective karmas.
They assembled large groups to meditate together so their collective influence would generate waves of positivity, significant enough to alleviate the karma of entire cities, countries, nations and the world in hopes of producing an enlightened age.
Vedic masters recognized all lifetimes have connections with those of the past and they understood how to release samskaras. Using a process of samskara nirgata, impression removal, they freed ancient impressions stored in consciousness to restore people's lives to wholeness, called Brahman. They described the process like removing the husk from a seed by first soaking the seed in water, wetting the husk to soften it so it could be easily peeled away.
How this process plays out is interesting, comical and magical: The storehouse of impressions (where the seeds of karma reside) is in the subconscious mind, known as citta. Citta resides at that finest level of creation previously described.
The conscious mind (functions as the husk of the seed) sheilds or protects citta from being seen or observed by it. Nature skillfully tricks the conscious mind ensuring it is constantly engaged in the kleshas, which totally dominate it's attention.
Meanwhile citta constantly influences and shapes the quality and character of the conscious mind as it continuously recreates itself moment-to-moment through the blueprint of the past life impressions that are locked-up in citta’s storehouse.
It’s a viscious cycle that goes on and on for eternity.
The process of samskara nirgata skillfully disengages the conscious mind from the kleshas and places it in a suspended state within the transcendent where it simply becomes inactive. This relaxes the conscious mind's hold on the subconscious mind so it can release its impressions.
The impressions unwind like reels of film while the conscious mind in its rested state simply witnesses the release of citta. Citta becomes "like the seed soaked in water" and the most ancient impressions affecting conscious awareness "bubble up" where they effortlessly release.
The Vedic masters instruction to the participant of the process is to surrender and let go, since it's effortless: “Once you have offered them up, you are free, you recognize this is like a play, and all the karma gets burned up. Be surrendered in this space and the karma is gone. Don’t attach too much to the name and form then you are fully in the Brahman consciousness.”
The overall results of the process enhances one's meditation enabling it to reach a deeper level where it becomes even more subtle, and the process of removing karma and impressions continues becoming more effective over time.
This is the Vedic knowledge for skillfully removing the blocks of the past ensuring progress for all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

Sally, trying to make me laugh..... and I did...

http://vodpod.com/watch/1548742-sweden-got-talent-naked-guys-dancing

*note it says naked guys dancing......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

then she danced with me in Facebook

probably cant see all of it

http://www.facebook.com/inbox/readmessage.php?t=152064143656#/profile.ph...

and hopefully this one will actually work... because this was a fascinating interview in which we are told that 'orb' are light spirit beings and and the light we are seeing is the light inside their heart space........ so we are looking at their hearts and calling them orbs

http://pearleysky.wordpress.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

then my other starsister arrived

did i miss somehting?

you leaving your mountain?

WHY?

if it makes you so sad to go?

love xxxx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

planting the seed..... let's teleport...

oh sister you have missed so much.... but just so you'll know momma has promised me that when I get to the other side of these tears it will be so beautiful in the garden of my soul.. and poppa keeps saying, "don’t worry everything is going to be alright, I think it is part of the plan.. Momma says that the whole time I have been here I have been planting seeds and bulbs. she showed me deep down inside of me a place that looked like looking into the soil, a whole garden, planted and ready to grow she says these tears now flooding my soul .. like spring rain.. will make my garden grow...

yes my time here has come to an end this time round.... strange I dreamed this already. when I was looking for a place to live, I dreamed I moved, and then it seemed like it only a month later and I saw my son lovingly packing my things and moving me to "a better place"

I've just got to tell you, in everything that has happened in the last week, I have found out this is not the first time Tonya has done this. when Tonya appeared one day into my life she brought with her 2 little boys that were completely traumatized.. we opened up our hearts and let her in, made this beautiful magical life for her children and after a time they came to a place of peace... together her and my son gave birth to 2 children, and all of them walking together look like little ducks....

Last Tuesday Tonya called home and after she got off the ph she said that her grandmother was getting old and that she needed them to move to Wichita Kansas.. so together, supposedly, her and Jason decided that because I had some things that needed fixing here, and he didn't want to leave until these 2 things got fixed, so he told her that she should go ahead with the children, except Dylan, and him and Dylan would follow her in February... and all week long she pretended that was the plan, and that was what they were going to do..

My family, in general, we are a noble people. we do not walk practicing deceit and as she seemed to agree that this was the plan we didn't think anything.. about anything not going as planned....

and it was really strange because even though I began to weep at the thought of how much I have cherished these last 3 years with having my grandkids so close, and the knowledge that this beautiful chapter was about to come to a close.... spirit has spoke softly to me all along and said for me not to worry that it was all going to be okay..... but still I , nor my son, was prepared what Tonya did on Saturday.. Her sister showed up and Tonya was saying that they wanted to go out for breakfast.. then she put all 4 of the children in the car, left Jason to drive in my car, and left and never came back..

It's a 10 hour drive, and Jason has been frantic with worry over what his children are thinking not having him there... but they will not answer the phone to him.... and now they have called the police on him for ph harassment....... and the only way we can protect Dylan and Bridgett against her is to move back to Kansas City so we can pursue legal action to make certain Dylan and Bridgett have their dad in their life. and know his love is real..

after all of this I discovered that her and her sister have done this before. that they had disappeared with the 2 boys taking them out of the house of the people who were caring for them because Tonya went to jail and to a mental institution... so without honor they just took the 2 boys and ran... those boys were so traumatized when they came into my house..... now she she has taken them and taken my sons 2 children and just disappeared with out a word.. and refuses to even allow my son to know where they are, or allow him to reassure them that he'll be there as soon as possible...

there was no justifiable reason for her to traumatize them in this way. According to the plan that she acted like she agreed upon, the children would have had difficulties as we helped to understand that this was just temporary (I even filmed love messages from them for Dylan to watch)... Dylan was his daddy's boy... she has brought trauma onto these children for no good reason, and now she refuses to make contact or allow Jason to make contact with his children.... If allowed to continue down her destructive path there is no telling what trauma she will inflict on them at a later date....

sooooooooooooooooooo

lovingly my son is now packing my things so he can move us back to Kansas City where it is only a 3 hour drive to try to track her down..

so now I am also gently weeping because I have to leave the sacred mountains I love...

very interesting the 3's huh? must be time to master the trinity.... or the 33.......

I know my letter probably hurts you as you removed your daughter from china and her dad under circumstances I do not know and she wept and asked what happened to her daddy..... I know there must be healing here that belongs to you and I.... what numbers do you have in this picture...

Just remember, there is something in this happening that I know is supposed to be this way.. poppa says, 'don’t worry it will be all right" and momma say these whole 3 years I have been planting flowers in my soul and these tears will make the flowers grow..

it is time for me to leave this place that I so love..... another reason to work hard to move the collective energy to teleport...... though I may sit in Kansas City and dream of laying next to my beloved mountains mountains again, it is now from there I must do my work.......

and you know what.. I know that I planted some very love.. love... loved, strong seeds while I was here... and if poppa says don’t worry everything will be fine, and momma says your garden is about to grow in a big way..... I think knowing the seeds of of emotional being that I planted within my soul... I believe I am almost standing next to my twin flame.... and at the age of 12 when I had that first vision, and the second one that showed me at my home world with the contract I signed to come her, my husband from that planet came in all excited and showed what I believe the place in his contract where we would once again unite on this Earth mission we were both taking... so I think, that in everything that happened since I have been here, I planted the seeds, flowers and bulbs he needed to find me... and momma says all these tears are like spring rain, are gonna make this garden grow.

love, love, love
word is it is going to be great!
xxx xox xxx

your sister

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

back at where I began this blog.. what is that 1201

this is from another group.. I have to put it here because I didn't hit send... and for some reason I can hardly sleep now.... today aches.. and I don't know why except maybe I am feeling Dylan and he is not understanding what happened to his life....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know where I'm at,
whether at this time or another time..
It's like the veil has gotten really thin
and my head seems to be feeling strange..

2 times I wrote messages in the last week..
and they disappeared

Okay so maybe I forgot to hit send on the first one..
I could see that..
but the second one,
the message was in my mailbox,
I read it,
clicked the link to follow it,
replied..

yet today that message that I read yesterday is not in my mailbox,
and I can't find it here..

I need to sleep
and yet I cant..

I'm weary tired
lay down and hear my grandson
wake up and weep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
everything thing in me says Spirit says don't worry,
and momma says your garden is about to grow

but I can't sleep
and when I lay down
I hear the sound of Dylan at my door
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that this is more than just my sob story..
I know that I am touching a collective
of missing children
of children ripped out of loved ones hands,
a beautiful life is torn to shreds
while grandmothers / fathers /mothers weep

that is why I have to be here in this holy place
to make this prayer known..

I think I have to pass this way
because it is for the healing
of this wound upon our psyche.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

from my starsister

keep me posted as to when you move. xxxxx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

woke up this morning and I

woke up this morning and I cant sleep.... I keep hearing Dylan knocking at my door and when I look no one is there..

and we know we have to go back to oz, so trying all at once to say goodbye..

then at 4 o'clock this morning I thought I heard a knock upon my door... and I had to go look... but of course there was no one there..... then I couldn't sleep and I know I was still up at 1:30 so I know I am having a hard time sleeping....

then time just... warped into something else... and I found myself in the collective of all the people weeping over situations similar to this, and began to weep for them weeping..

then I knew that Dylan was thinking my grandma needs me, I have to get to her...

and then I got worried that if I move he wont be able to find me in his dreams..

then within the collective of weepers who this has happened to I seen them lighting their candles with a prayer that their children will be able to find their way home...
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children are so affected by the loss of a parent.... I am so proud of both of my sons who walk with determination that they will be in their children's lives..... Inside of this collective I have now entered I hear them weep... this particular part of my mission reminds me of one of those electronic games.... I have make my way to the core to discover what core belief has created this as a reality.. then I have to release it so it can be transformed....

who knows what flowers await their blooming with all the seeds I planted in my soul over the last 3 years..... I have been faithfully sewing the to teleportation seed within my soil... and that only has a place within the garden...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

I seem to be in a time warp..........

I'm telling you , I am having the weirdest time with time..... I got another from another sister who goes by the name of elemental dancer.... and in the letter she was asking if I was certain I was supposed to move.. they she told me the sadness of this last year and gave nme her phone number to call if I wanted to..... then I pasted these pieces in here, and when I went back to get her number all the note said was Mountains.... Maureen, love Kim

were just going to keep on keeping on... gonna go plug a heater into the bathroom so I can take a bath..........

It is unclear if I am suffereing from sleep deprivation as I keep going to bed but I keep waking up and listening for Dylan

It has grown cold....... I may be confused...... I think I am supposed to get me down to that tree..... even though it is on gated land... a baseball field and in the woods

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

beyond grief

right now I am just so sick with the realization that in the last 3 years contact between Justen and Aarons fathers family was never made..... I thought that they didn't care, but now I realize she was keeping them from the boys..that we were just the place for her to take them and disappear. I'm just so .... beyond words with grief..... but I am inside this collective, and there are others weeping.. yesterday within the 'electronic game' looking collective I walked into room after room and they were all empty... children who had been torn from the hands of loved ones.. there was no sound left inside the rooms...

this morning I woke up with the feeling I was now inside the mind of a murderer (ie she murdered our family)

this is a very painful collective energy but I will find the core so that I can do the work I was sent to do..

Inside this place is hopelessness and despair

and even though I am there with everyone else, and weeping for them as well, for some reason Great Spirit is still assuring me that I should not be worried, everything will be all right...... and this makes no sense to me at this point, but is like the pillow to which I cling.. inside these rooms.. beyond grief empty silence..

I know I will make it through.. I know this mission.. I know its importance... I feel like I have gotten closer to the core.. yesterday I passed through so many people weeping, as was I.. today I am in the place of empty silence... where all the people are just stunned and cannot think, cannot wrap their minds around the fact that their loved one has been ripped from their arms.... and like a funeral procession the wall of missing loved ones..

I am hanging my pictures on the wall... and this wall is so huge..

i love Justen too even though he wasn't really ours..... within the collective he was a studious boy, not lazy in any way... just last week he was over here saying how the had found a drawer with a necklace his father had made for him.... and was telling me, "that has to mean my father cares for me doesn't it?"

I didn't know what to think.. such probing, such a deep concern has been expressed by him all along as to the things that can be used to validate his fathers love.... and I was blind.. In looking back I see where the boys family would send money.... I didn't know what that meant Now I understand it was inside their tears the knowledge that the boys had been ripped from them.. the only way they could think to say I love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

the leap of faith

I'm doing better today..... yesterday I about felt like I was going to fall over, like the chemicals in my body wacked out.... It would not serve anyone for me to surrender to a breakdown...... got the rescue remedy and some sleep aids.... so I got some sleep... and today I am ready to move forward... got up and went to get boxes at Walmarts at 3:30 this morning.... Jason's almost got his house all cleaned out for moving, and I didn't unpack too much here because the house is so large and I wanted to paint it first...... I just keep thinking about that dream, that I moved and then I moved again..

such is a leap of faith.... even the belief in what momma showed me, that at the end of this sorrow lies a beautiful garden is a leap of faith..... for oh how I loved these mountains, one of the living sanctuary's of my people, the Church without walls... and the knowledge that when I drive down the road with the truck, the next day when I awaken I will not be laying amongst them.. my beloved mountains.. such is a leap of faith

such is a leap of faith

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

River hugs

this is not my first healing journey like this.. at age 15 I was thrust into the collective soul of the Christian faith, saw all their like thoughts coming forth from their heads to form a collective energy that had a form somewhat like a cloud. when I looked inside there I could see also through time people thinking the exact same thought... and thus I sought to find the core of this belief... and being a seer I saw horrible things done in the name of God (who I just call poppa) .... and the reason that I made that journey was because they were saying my beloved Indians were heathens.. so I went in to begin the healing of that core belief (and I do not lay claim to being the only one with such a mission- just this is my story within the collective soul of the healers) I went in there to open up the path for the people of the Sacred Walk, to say "this is my people in their Holy of Holies"

Chant to the Sunt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_baloCb-nM&feature=player_embedded#at=11...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

<3

No good photo comes to mind. No rectangular bytecode stream of frozen time. But the living moon tonight! Oh how she illuminates the clouds on the wind! wow!

Oh how she illuminates the clouds on the wind! wow!

I wish I could have seen her....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I am about to enter
into the medicine of the

Phoenix

Rising

Inside I feel O so dead
and wasn't going to even write
anymore
until I came in here and caught you
admiring the living moon

thanks for sharing
.....................................................................

and inside the collective whole I have enterd the room
where people are grasping at straws

.....................................................................

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

the gift

WOW... I FOUND THE PATH FOR DYLAN AND BRIDGETT TO FIND ME IN THEIR DREAMS, I FOUND THIS LINK WITH STORY BELOW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bVlLdPtcW4

this has happened since my arrival here in the Holy of Holies, these mountains that I love.... I was at an Indian Gathering and in between the ceremonies they would play music... I heard the most beautiful music by a group called Brule` and in time their cd came to lay at my feet as a gift.. some time after that I got a Palm Centro and one of its features is called P tunes in which I could download music into my ph.. so I downloaded 1 song... Bravehearts by Brule'

Now sometimes when I especially wanted Dylan to not be running through the store I would put him in the cart with my ph. put Bravehearts on and away we would go...... which I would sing, even though there are no words..... and in time I began to catch him secretly singing the song........ then when Bridget got old enough she began to dance to our song Bravehearts while we sang it, and she began to sing it...

so now I know this gift so beautiful from my sister, the path by which Dylan and Bridgett can find me in the new location when we move shortly.... He will be able to hear me singing Bravehearts... we have sang that songs 100's of times together..

and inside the dream time we can practice teleportation..

then we can learn to teleport, thus send a message to his mother you can take me from my dad, but you can not keep me from seeing him or my grand mother..

and in time all the children that I have seen upon this wall of missing children, who have been ripped from their loved ones hearts will be able to teleport, will be able to send the message that they will no longer be torn from the hearts of the ones they love.. which will be the healing of the core inside this collective soul..

we came here to Evolve

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here we are inside the dance of our creation.

so much bigger than I thought............sigh..........

As the vision expands I find myself unexpectantly being visited by alien life forms who communicate with me telepathically. they do not walk with human bodies like we walk with, and out of respect for their need for privacy I will not say what they look like. They are explaining to me, and showing me pictures of how in their world they usually do not allow themselves to be seen by the outsiders, as it simply is not safe to be found by the outsiders... In their appearance you would think there wouldn't be any reason anyone would bother them, but they show me countless pictures of a child wondering around and being caught by these people who think of themselves as the treasure hunters. then they show me how their children are taken away, become the missing... and some are just publically murdered right there their life force is just pulled out of their bodies by those who do regard them as sentient beings, who do not have any understadnign that they are families and they weep when one of their children goes missing. they show me that sometimes the adults come missing also..... I feel like weeping to feel their pain...

This collective of missing children and loved ones is so much bigger than I thought.

this wall of tears
this wall of prayers
so many pictures
have been placed there

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here we are inside the dance of our creation.

collective of 3

Yesterday I entered into the collective space of my Native heritage, to view with sadness the pictures upon the wall of Natives who have come missing... I entered into this space to watch their stories... but they were silent, when grief gets hard to bear, they cut off all their hair, and the process of working through it is reflected in how long their hair has grown back... but they are silent, they are silent

today I entered into my own collective bloodline through history (I look around and there are others like me only the age at which it happens is different.) When my first born granddaughter was 3 ( I was taking her nearly every other weekend to stay with me. then her parents split up, and my son kept her close to him, no more did she get to come spend the night.. I wept there too at the end of our legacy together... and this now, dylan being 3...I've been sleeping between these mountains for 3 years... all of this happened on 10/03.. 3 days later mysterious phone calls where no one is speaking.. My grandmothers grandmother (3 grandmothers,including me) married an indian man in full regalia, so the story goes, then she left with him and they went somewhere but we dont know where, and some years she came back bringing with her a 3 year old daughter...

I made and emergency appointment with my alignment of energy doctor..... and he said, "I am available at 3"

of course...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

and when he began he asked

and when he began he asked my goddess self why she had brought to him, she said "we are here for 3 halo's" of course..

I can't even begin to describe what he does. just that when he began the prayer for the releasing, everything was holy holy holy (unusual) and afterwards I was explaining to him that what I do is go into the collective soul of a belief system to find the core belief to transmute the energies to make them begin moving in the direction of being whole. I explained to him everything I had seen inside this collective energy of missing children / missing adults all the way up to where I was explaining to him that today I was in the place of my own collective lineage, how when my first granddaughter was 3 a similar happening.. and this, 3 years in, 3 year old grand son... and how also my grandmothers grandmother married an Indian in full regailia, then left with him to live somewhere and then when she reappeared with a 3 year old daughter in tow.... which meant another grandmother with a broken heart missing her grand daughter...

and he said that was what he had been asked to do today to make null and void the contract of the 3's and that I would not longer be affected by that contract....

everything that he writes when he is doing the reading, he gives on a piece of paper to sleep with it under the pillow or next to the bed for 3 days.............. this one said -33

So I am still within the collective soul, but not feeling like I just want to exit stage Earth.... I can see how some people die of a broken heart... I kind of wanted to go that direction... only because the best love that I have known has been that a grandchild.. and that felt sad, for love with a man has eluded me.. but the grandchilds hand I could grasp and they treat me like I am just the most beautiful magical creature, and walk behind me in my footsteps and tell me how beautiful it is to be at my house with fairies and butterflies and crystal rainbows... I took it a little hard when 4 of them were ripped from my heart on the same day... I do believe we have to do whatever it takes to complete our mission.. I have 2 granddaughters where I am going next... I could not abandon their love for me, and make them feel they were less.... that why I always believe we must seek our healing..

still I have a ways to go inside the collective soul, to find the core belief system....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

the part of the collective I

the part of the collective I am in now.. in silence I enter into a long hallway.. it is lit with white light , or maybe it glows with white light. It is a very long long hallway, very white.. and something strange, I cant tell if it is the spirits of the missing who have passed on.. but there are light beings flicking or moving past me as if they are on their way somewhere..... they look like light orbs.... I am trying to hold myself in stillness so I can see inside.. but this tunnel of white light seems to draw movement through it..

In my outside world, 2 mysterious phone calls in which no caller id shows and no one is saying anything..... first time Dylan came to me in a dream puzzling over 'why did everything change?'

then yesterday Aaron showed up in my dream with his mother.. He was just sitting there looking lost... Last night at 10 someing like in my ph calls my sons ph rang, again no one saying anything, again no caller id.. so we know we have to move to KC and keep our Arkansas ph numbers...

I will admit that even though I have gone to an energy doctor to get realigned so that I won't exit the earth over this.... I feel exceptionally sad at the thought of going back into the heart of city life.. I know my family is estatic that I am coming back to KC.. all the while I feel this could be what kills me, having to go back into all that noise with no arms to wrap around me...

It is so silent here and very few people understand why I prefer to sit in silence.....
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here we are inside the dance of our creation.

from the otr side ~Tracks of my Tears~ pictures of the new world

tracks of my tears.... I do think some of the swolleness is gone down... I cried for a month when my grandchildren were made to disappear by their mother, and came to discover their father has no rights because she was still married.. so tracks of my tear and that is hooked on some grandbaby lovins... my eyes were really swollen.... but I look at those fingers and say, wow those finger are really lovely for crafting necklaces and artful expressions..... I can see the love in those fingers... I always have this idea that no one would take the trouble to travel all the way to the bottom of this old blog to read this, so I have one quiet place where I am safe just to be.. now here in this place of my tears I have moved away from the mountains and river I love, back to the flat lands where all the blocks are square, and no where do I look to see myself being graced by the mountains... tracks of my tears.. I am a country girl in my heart.. when I lived in the city before I always wore makeup.. then once I moved to my beloved mountains, no one, not much wore makeup, so I shed the pretense with relief... now here I am back in the city, wanting to cry but is not allowed.. or it's futile to weep and only makes other caring people feel bad.. and I feel a pressure like I will have to put on my make up, may have to die my hair... I tried to find the lake, but got lost yesterday.. I was feeling so depressed over my fate to have to live the city life again.. saw this place where I thought I could park in front of the water.. and parked there despite the no tresspassing sign... In my country life, maybe it was just because I lived int he national park, but the just made it so so many places one could park beside the road and look upon a mountin fair... but it is all square.. and the trees all all gone, not the forest like I love... tracks of my tears..

MY CRAFTS.....

I LOVE THE COMBINATION OF PURPLE AND GREEN...

I love that blue, the feel of their energy next to mine.. crafted with these hands of love..

The Dolls Go with me.. THE LITTLE WHITE ONE CRAFTED WITH THESE HANDS OF LOVE..

I DREW HER WITH CHALK AND THEN WAS SO IMPRESSED I FRAMED HER, AND EVERY TIME I TRY TO TAKE A PICTURE OF HER I SEE REFLECTIONS OF MYSELF

just thought I'd share as I have lept from the edge of the precipice, and the leap of faith is taking so long that, just like in the movie Journey to the Center of the Earth, when they fall into the center of volcano, first they scream, then they realize it is taking so long to crash that they devise a plan..... I have not reached the point of devising a plan.. yet.. tomorrow we go to court.. and I am weary tired of all this drama.. It is difficult to find the beauty, more like I have to grab any piece I can find and hold onto it as long as I can... while multiplying..

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here we are inside the dance of our creation.

Hang in there!

It's funny to find you here. I hope I'm not intruding! I checked in tonight to listen to the teleportation song again. I just replied to your comment on my blog so I was thinking of that song.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night because the feeling of being trapped in a world of lawns, signs, private property, and commercial development is getting to be like a scream inside. I have a wild patch down the road that I can go to. The deer sleep there, and there's a stream where I like to sit. It's where i found the feather. When i went there last week there was a bright purple stake in the ground marked "Prop. Corner." There are bulldozers and other heavy equipment parked up the trail a ways. I'm really hoping they aren't planning to rip up this last little "peace" of my sanity and pave it.

More than that though, I was lamenting that I know so much about living with "living" energies. The moon and sun, the wind and rain, the fire, and the vibrant whispers and voices of the forest. I want so badly to work on my wild skills in the wild! but none of my relations or friends share this feeling. That's what keeps me in a house. That, and the necessity for making the almighty money. But, perhaps thankfully, I've unlearned that necessity over the past year. Nobody has been able to hire me since last October. And a bunch of people who had hired me before then could no longer pay me for work I'd already finished for them. Now the utilities are about to get shut off.

I feel stuck, waiting for my true path to open. I was so moved by the video you posted about the Navaho caretakers. I'd do that in a heartbeat. It made me sad that there are no Indians left in southern Indiana.

So anyway, I can relate to what you say about trespassing to peek at nature. And I still hum my little song when I'm in town:

Hey-ama-heya-mama
Heya-mama
Ya-heya-maya
Hoa-hey

Remember. Every great story has it's trials.

You are not intruding at

You are not intruding at all... I slept and prayed the night was over, and when I looked at the clock it was 1:13 AM.. and rather than lay there facing the fact that I am full of hatred for this girl who is playing this game.. now she is calling my son, she wants him not to show up for court tomorrow, saying lets just work this out without going to court.. (hatred for anyone is not an emotion I usually have) so rather than laying there dreaming up all the things that can go wrong since I am not going to court with him, but will travel the 230 miles by himself, (which has the weird grasping for air effect inside my head.. panic, I am no longer in control, effect) I thought I would get up and find some music.. or something... got a letter from blue star who I hadn't heard from in a long time, there are some utube associated with him, talks about the Bride coming down out of Heaven http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQlM9IyB2hE which I cant find the others ones I've seen, and was looking for them.. when I found your note... and how well I understand your feeling of going to the land and about weeping to discover they have marked it for .. destruction.. and being weary tired of all the noise, and wanting to travel again into the wild to work on your wild skills in the wild.. not alone but to share.. while all the strings of love keep us tied to the place where we are but property to be exchanged and paved over at the whem of bigger entities.. I pray your peace, your piece is not removed and your heart can still sit amonst the deer..

and I think you are right.. difficult as this seems, when the movie comes out this will not be the end, it will be the beginning..

thanks River, I'm really glad we get to have this friendship...

not intruding at all, it's great!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

teleportation

Feel like I was sitting in the woods deep in thought and you just walked up and sat down beside me to chat.... feels nice sitting here in front of the fire chatting with you... was thinking, since we are talking about teleporting that you should take that stick, draw a circle and in the center of the circle you should draw a SYMBOL, and we'll see if anyone else shows up.. while we talk..

all this talk about the leap of the edge of the precipice, and flying on faith, transforming that energy into teleportation and Indian sacred dreaming reminds me of a dream from 2000 in which I got my wings, so I had to go look it up and thought I would share:. I call the dream RITE OF PASSAGE. (I'm also thinking about the fact that I burned my journals only to discover that I burned the journals written with my ex husband and then discovered that I still had the journals from Journey to the Edge of the Precipice, which I counted as a sign that I had moved forward from my past.)

It was quite a lengthy dream, so now that I've had a chance to think about it I'm just going to share the whole dream with you.. funny how in the beginning of this dream I thought I was having a nightmare.. This also is a dream about the Indian who walks with me through my dreamworld (In the beginning I thought he was chasing me, bent on killing me.. this is the dream in which I moved past that)

<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>
Rite of Passage!
11/17/00

Was having a dream I was finding somewhat frightening. It seemed some guy had gotten the hots for me and he was making his presence known. The moment I became alarmed was when I received some mail from him. It was my renewal for my tags for my car (the little sticker you get) with two pictures he had taken of me. I could tell this guy had been watching me for some time. In one picture I was sitting on a balcony in California. That was in 1984. In the picture I could clearly see this guy smiling with glee as he captured the picture of me sitting there with my panties exposed. In the second picture it was the same thing. He clearly was taking pictures of me in my most vulnerable position. This picture was taken at least 10 years later!

This was when I became quite alarmed and the dream began to terrify me. Soon after this the dream split into two dreams. In one, I was still in the house but I had begun watching a movie on TV. The movie was very frightening. In the other dream, I was the one living the movie. I saw myself going into the woods. There was also a man going into the woods with me. It seemed he was not so much my ex but he was a ghostlike image of the memory I carry of him with me.

The me inside the house saw my ex fall onto an ax and get back up with it sticking out of his head. The me living the movie knew this was going to happen so when he got close to where the ax lay I yelled a warning for him to stay away from there. But it was too late. I watched in horror as he stumbled to the ground. When he got up, sure enough, there was an ax stuck in his head. I went to him and pulled it out. He seemed to be in a daze.

About this time, the part of me that was watching the movie thought, “Oh I’ve got to turn this off! This horror show is scaring me to death.” As I reached up to turn off the TV the part of me that was living the movie was helping the part of my ex I carry in my memories into a ditch to hide him.

As I was dong this, an old woman and a young sapling appeared. She was an Ancient One, big, and dressed in a gray dress. Her dress had darker streaks and lighter streaks going up and down it. I instantly recognized her as a tree I had enjoyed the pleasure of hugging. Grateful for her appearance I exclaimed, “Oh I’m not scared of you. You are the tree I once hugged.” Relief swept through me as I proclaimed, ‘ Here let me give you a hug!”

She held out her arms to me as I went to embrace her. She told me that all was not as it was appearing in my dream. That this dream was about me and “Cha-che-wo-ah ,” the “Rite of Passage” that I had to pass through to get to where I was meant to be. As she said this, she pointed her finger down a path. But it was like a vision, not a part of this dream. She held out her hand and from her hand stretched out this path that I had to travel to get to my final destination. And this destination felt like home, only there was a veil hanging over my destination and I couldn’t remember ever being there. I just knew that once I got there it would feel like home. And then she said, “This dream is about you and what you must overcome, the path you must now travel to get to the place you were meant to be. (The place that felt like home.) It’s your ‘Rite of Passage.’”

About that time I heard a motorcycle coming. I was still in the mode of feeling frightened, so I threw myself into the ditch with my memory of my ex who still was in a dazed state with an ax in his head.

On the motorcycle was a nice looking, dark skinned Indian man with long hair flowing in the wind as it came out of his helmet. He smiled at me as he drove by. This made think he was the one who had sent me the pictures! I was trying to grasp what the Ancient Tree Spirit had told me, and yet as my terror grew I huddled down in the ditch, thinking the guy was going around to make a pass before attempting to hit me with his motorcycle!

I turned to the Ancient Tree Spirit again and asked her, “This dream is not about someone trying to kill me? This is about my overcoming something as a part of my “Rite of Passage?” She assured me, “This is about you and only you. It is something you must do. It is your Cha-che-to-wah (phonic spelling) your Rite of Passage.”

With that I found myself back in my home. I was in my waterbed. It had just been put up and it was all dusty. I was trying to clean it and make it pretty. There was an Indian figurine I was attempting to clean and put in its place, but it seemed I was over-doing it and that was causing it to change shape. She was becoming more pliable so that soon she was in a very humble position down on her hands and knees.

Then I heard this “Pop!” Then a crackling sound as Eagles wings came out of her back and began to spread open as if she were preparing to take flight!

With this I panicked again! I had made her so pliable in cleaning her that I wasn’t certain she would balance right and by now it seemed like she was trying to upright herself and was stuck in a half upright position. . Like she was still bent over but was only 3 quarters up. And her wings were still spread so it did not seem like she could possibly remain upright!

About that time I realized the memory of my ex was in bed with me and he was struggling against what I was doing because a song was playing that was telling him to go to sleep. I was feeling irritated with him for being in my bed when I was trying to do something so important. But the Ancient Tree Spirits words were reminding me that this was something I must overcome as a part of my ‘Rite of Passage’ and it seemed they were singing my memory of my ex to sleep.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

In this place where I feel like I am doing that Journey to the Center of the Earth, fall down the volcano and the journey is so long I have time to think and make a plan, between that and your teleporting blogs, the memory of the winged ones dreams has surfaced.. I know I am a winged one.. I found 2 other dreams of winged ones while looking for this dream to share with you... (nice that Spirit told me to write a book once I got a computer, because I had gone into my journals and pulled out the dreams..) for some reason this is on my mind as we work on teleportation.. and I am free falling...

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here we are inside the dance of our creation.

and I wonder if the hatred I

and I wonder if the hatred I am feeling for this girl is like a releasing for healing... like it is being released and I am standing to the side watching it being released from the Earth...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

rambling on

I believe I am dreaming into the future... that these dreams of winged ones... and my unicorn companion walk hand in hand...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
here we are inside the dance of our creation.

TRACKS OF MY TEARS

TRACKS OF MY TEARS

<<<<>>>>
having a weird day, I freaked out but my son was fine, said something like this is the journey I must take... trying to get clear inside the place inside my head the knowledge that this is my sons journey... I have wrote so many messages in here today, in this box.. trying to cover the track of my tears, because I had such a reaction... trying to get it straight inside my head.. having a weird day...

wondering if this message will even stick.... strange day...

All better now

spent the night making a necklace

In the beginning I was feeling distraught because it felt like the seed of hatred had been planted inside my heart, and I am such a creature of love that I could not bear to travel down that path... so I worked on making a necklace to allow the energy to move through me and see where my journey led from there... At first I was babbling raging, but after a while I entered into a more quiet place.. and my mind drifted off to the place of my dreams.. woke up back in the life where I was a mermaid. In that life the villages loved me dearly as they lived on an island that was really a mountain with most of its body submerged beneath the deep. In the side of the mountain was cave that I could swim through that would take me to a place that had an airpocket. the villagers had built a stairway leading down to this airpocket/cave and they would leave me gifts of flowers that I loved dearly. In exchange for the gifts they left me I would guide their fishermen out to the best food.. I loved them dearly and they loved me dearly... I loved those flowers they would leave for me..

woke up realizing that my daughter in law was/is a Siren.. when I saw her posing as a mermaid there in that 'time/space' without a heart...

Last night when I realized a seed of hatred had been planted inside my heart I called out for my sistars to hold me in prayer... woke up to their messages and one about the need to travel through time to find the place where she became heartless... and realized this journey between my son, her, and my grandchildren is about a Siren finding her heart again, or being implanted with the seed of love so that her heart comes back.. or healing... and the writing of the new legends...

In my whole 4 years with her I, of course, saw through time, so this affected her visions (because she is a seer also) except for reasons I couldn't understand back then, every time she saw through time she said it would make her hate herself. She said that everytime she died all of these souls that had become trapped by her would be released, and that she hated who she was as she would be forced to watch 300 or more souls being released from her body through her death... and every time she would looked through time she would see this again and again...

So here we are, realizing that this journey is about a Siren having her heart restored...

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here we are inside the dance of our creation.

Hope you and your family are okay River, we send our love

Fw: from River

"More than that though, I was lamenting that I know so much about living with "living" energies. The moon and sun, the wind and rain, the fire, and the vibrant whispers and voices of the forest. I want so badly to work on my wild skills in the wild! but none of my relations or friends share this feeling. That's what keeps me in a house. That, and the necessity for making the almighty money. But, perhaps thankfully, I've unlearned that necessity over the past year. Nobody has been able to hire me since last October. And a bunch of people who had hired me before then could no longer pay me for work I'd already finished for them. Now the utilities are about to get shut off"

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"Banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. We are the ones we have been waiting for." — Hopi elders

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