The Joy Project: Radical Gratitude

A married couple seeing me for counseling a while back asked, “What do we do when things have been going great, and then we have a fight and suddenly everything looks shitty again? How do we get back to the good feeling?” The answer I gave them was not what they expected.

I said to them, “When you find yourselves losing all perspective, stop and take a look at all you've got: The two of you are alive. You have your health! You have each other. Plus a beautiful child who’s also healthy! A roof over your head. Clothes to wear and plenty of food to eat. You happen to be living in the most abundantly blessed nation the world has ever known, at a remarkable time in history. Why, compared with the other 6.8 billion other souls on the planet, you’re sitting on top of the world!

“So next to all this, exactly how important was that thing you were arguing about?”

The following session they came in reporting how useful this had been for them that week.

I call this Radical Gratitude.

Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary defines “radical” as: “…Designed to remove the root of a disease… Marked by a considerable departure from the usual or traditional.”

So what makes this kind of gratitude radical is: It can grab you down at the root of your joylessness and pull you up out of it. You depart from ”the usual or traditional” way of being, which for most of us is based on getting or fearing. (Notice our language: Depressed, angry and scared are things we get – as in, “I got depressed”; “You’re getting me angry”; “I’m getting scared” etc. By contrast, thanks is something you give.) The result is your perception can suddently shift from the problems you have to the blessings you have.

Gratitude is radical when you place it up front: you give thanks first and often. If you pray or meditate with a focussed intention, you can turn it into a series of “Thank you’s!” As in, “Thank you for this day! Thank you for my life! Thank you for my health! Thank you for my friends and my family! My home and my community! And for all the opportunities to be of service to people!”

My wife Shelley, a golden-aura’d soul who’s given me so much love and delight (and joy!) for almost 10 years now, once handed me a little stone, and said, “This is a Gratitude Rock. Every day, hold it and think of all the things you’re grateful for”. So I do. Every morning, after sitting up in bed and revving up the mental gears with thoughts of all I have to do that day, I stand up and reach for the rock. I hold it only for about 5- 10 seconds or so. And my perspective gently shifts from: All-I-gotta-do, to: Look-at-all-I-got!

Then I’m more awake.

You can try it yourself. This spring, go to your park or garden and pick out a stone. (Or better — one for you, and one for a friend). And place your Gratitude Rock where you can see it when you get out of bed in the morning. Pick it up, and remember your blessings.

We feel joy when we give it, so each day the first thing we can give is: Thanks.

Today’s Joygasm:
Go here: www.tinyurl.com/ykvpvxv