There There

“Just ‘cause you feel it doesn’t mean its there”

I should be in bed. I am not one to drive myself into the ground. When I am feeling beat I typically lay off what I am doing, cancel plans and calm the F down. I don’t live a rock and roll lifestyle. I have a pretty regular schedule. Basically, on the surface, I am a pretty regular person trying to fit in enough solid sleep, healthy food, exercise, work, worship and art. I try to figure out what the hell is going on with this physical feeling, so I can make proper adjustments, but the mind is illusory and I cant pin down good enough reasons why I am so exhausted. I have been tingling with tired, unable it seems, to catch up. I am wondering how to flip the switch from drain to fill.

This process is mysterious to me. I am no longer able to consume that which is considered “normal.” Coffee and Black Tea don’t wake me up, they make me feel like a manic bundle of blaring buzz who is just as tired except unable to accomplish a satisfying yawn, let alone fall asleep. Chocolate and sugar, although i still dabble, should be outta the question because they just make me feel awful, and turn on the shadow self who wants to self-destruct and devour the world. Processed foods are far too heavy and bloating, alcohol seriously makes me feel like death, and tobacco, although grounding in ceremony, gives me the feeling of toxicity.

If I had never cleansed before in my life I would think it were time to get serious about my health, but having run abouts with chronic issues before, I am conscientious about my body and how I treat it. This is something coming up from the deep; deeper than I have every peered into before. “Normalcy” doesn’t appear to be a choice anymore. Major health concerns aside, I am perplexed by this process. Is this happening because I am being spiritually “purified?” Perhaps it’s silly to ask “why” questions. I am along for the ride whether or not I land on an answer to satisfy my little brain. But its bizarre, not being able to find a balance. Food feels hard to process but if I go even four hours without it I start getting a detoxy shaky feeling not exactly like a blood sugar crash but similar. My tongue starts getting green, seriously it is so quick to respond. I taste metal in my mouth and I am tired tired tired. I am putting this out there because I am wondering if any others are experiencing the “shift” in this way. Still just seeking where to flip the switch and stay afloat the invisible.

~With trust and love,

The girl with the weighted lids