Fred and I

Hi, I Have to express this and I hope others out there can enlighten me with their similar experiences. About 2 years ago I suffered from horrible depression, so bad that I was suicidal. That year in early spring I had an invitation to use a cabin in the Spanish Pyrenees, so I felt the solitude would do me good. I expected that I would be inspired by some early spring sun and warmth, but in the end I was surrounded in snowy, cold desolation. It was the best thing that ever happened to me! This desolate feeling of solitude brought my crisis to a boil. In the cabin I started to read a book a brought with me about Buddhism (really happy I brought this along in retrospect). This book, along with my desperation, allowed me to let go and have some self-empathy. I also started to empathize and connect with others who suffer the same desperation. After reading this book something instantly changed in me. My life started to get better and better, fear and self criticism were breaking down, I felt like a new person. About 6 months past and I started having an experience I couldn't wrap my head around. I was, in a way, being hailed by some force. At first manifested itself as in typing (automatic writing). To be honest, I was fascinated but quite skeptical and afraid. Many tumultuous times came from this experience, many times I thought (embarrassing to say) that I was possessed or simply crazy. As time went by I relaxed a bit and became more interested in the message that was coming to me. By this time I was having telepathic conversation that I could hear in my head. It is not really like a voice it is more an feeling or thought that is clear and not coming from my brain (at least I think). This entity I call Fred. Fred is clear with me that his job is to teach me to let go. There are far too many lesson to mention on this blog, but the main focus is always on the heart. Fred says the only way to truth is through the heart. It is the gateway to the ineffable, non-dualistic wisdom that I yearn to understand. It sounds all very serious, but fred's dominating 'personality' is light hearted and humorous, a crucial part of the process is not taking things or myself or even Fred too seriously. At this point I am now on a slow journey to truth. I still am very annoyingly conditioned by my past, but day by day, with Fred's help, I learn. The purpose of sharing this period of my life (which I have only told one other person) is to connect with others who may have similar experiences. I would really appreciate any response to my story. -Cholden