waves

it's huge - the sea of consciousness. surrounding. carrying. the floating self.

at times it is calm. at others the waves are massive. crashing. breaking on the floating self. when reality bites again.

floating on the calm sea. these periods get longer and longer for me. focusing and living the now. enjoying the floating and being surrounded. by the sea and all others that are floating. and the turmoil times, when waves are crashing, are becoming less frequent. and yet. they still exist.

i can see these periods of calmness and then furiously crashing coming and going. mainly through my blog history. as i no longer write a diary. and i no longer delve day in day out into the times when the sea was stormy. but they still always hit me unprepared. i should have realised by now how to prepare for them. get the survival kit ready. having a life saving boat ready. ready to set out to reach calmer seas. instead of waiting until the storms will have passed all by themselves.

yet. i do stay afloat. somehow.

i see so many floating. never seeming to have rough seas. how do they do it? or am i just not seeing their turmoils. either because i do not look or because they do not share.

at times i feel as if there were this literal traveling cloud that comes and finds me at various times. just above my head. the storm breaks out. and everyone else is being spared. is this what we call learning? why do i then not learn. or rather. why does the cloud keep coming back. again. and again. i take from each storm a new piece of information. on me. about me. and still it keeps coming back. am i focusing on the wrong pieces or are there just stormy seas catching up with us from time to time. naturally. until we finally come to fully understand how to keep the sea calm?

i am getting tired of the waves. they take up so much energy. trying to stay afloat. but maybe i should not fight them. maybe i should just start floating through the stormy seas. drift. but i have not yet figured out how to.