Time?
posted by Nicole | February 17, 2010
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IcerocketMy life for the past three years has been chaotic. I've been homeless, in and out of mental hospitals, told I had either Paranoid Schizophrenia or Bi Polar Mania, been to court multiple times for tickets and arrests from the police (who also used extra unneccesary force against me and threw me onto the cement and busted my lip), and have been genuniely confused about where I am in this play we call the universe.
I went on the bus from a lover & friends' house to my hometown of Maywood, NJ. On the route, we passed the community college, the Catholic High School, the soccer field, the Garden State Plaza mall, the apartment complex, the pond, and finally, my bus stop. I began to think about time and how events are seperated. What is it?
I started remembering my life, before it became unmanagable and abnormal. When I did things with my peers, when I was a functioning member of a community or tribe.
These places brought me back to reality. The High School I went to, The community college I took a course at, The soccer field where I played a game with my teamates, the apartment complex where I went with friends and had sleepovers, the pond which I ice skated on with my brand new ice skates with pink pom poms. I wonder, why have I become so disconnected from these events? What seperates them? What is time? Did I intuitively take the wrong turn at some point?
Comments
I believe that so called
— Feb 17, 2010
I believe that so called "mental illnesses" as well as physical sickness all come from the mind/spirit/God-within and are meant to teach us something. I was bipolar for years, ended up on lithium for five years because I gave up hope and faith in myself and bought into the lie of mental illness. Buddhism is what eventually helped me the most to save myself from that lie.
I learned that all those years that I was "bipolar" and compelled to torture myself were necessary so that I would eventually understand the first noble truth of Buddhism--that this life is full of suffering. It's when you finally arrive at understanding that and being thoroughly sick of it that you can progress to the next step, which is the recognition that desire/attachment is the cause of suffering, and that removing those wrong desires/attachments is the way to end your suffering.
If you never failed or screwed up or lost your way in the first place, how could you ever find and fight your way back and really appreciate the happiness that comes from doing all that work to make yourself a better person? If life was always good and easy, what would make it worth living?
Don't ever believe anyone who tells you that there is no hope. They are lying.
You're ok.
— Feb 17, 2010
I'm in north jersey too, I know these places you're writing about, but anyway... You can start your life over whenever you want. Move forward, with a vision of who you are deep inside, beyond the ego (find her and get right with her, apologize to yourself and forgive) and all you can be and how beautiful life is.
