A Positive Drug Story: MDMA Assisted Healing with my Mother

It’s not every day you hear a positive drug story, so even though it’s rather personal to me, I wanted to share one of mine..

A few years back now my relationship with my Mum was rather fragile. She wasn’t in a good place in her life and was having a hard time with alcohol and in general. She was struggling with depression and relationship issues, whilst i was floundering with money and issues of my own…In some strange way we both blamed each other for our own situations.

We barely spoke, and if we did we would end up arguing or one of us would turn nasty dredging up past issues with resentments grasp still firmly entrenched in us both from years before.

One of the issues that angered my Mum was what she thought of as my “drug use”. She had in her mind that my money issues and life problems were a result of drug abuse, when in reality I couldn’t even afford such things at the time, let alone have a problem with them. Deep down she knew I was smarter than that anyway, but when someone constantly has no money, and you know they are fascinated by psychedelics I guess its an easy conclusion to make.

My Mum had known about my interest in psychedelics for years by then, and had signed for more than her share of books delivered to the door with titles like “LSD”, “The Doors of Perception” and “Varieties of Psychedelic Experience”. She didn’t exactly approve, but was understanding in letting me follow my own path as long as it was a positive one.

Christmas Day a few years ago is when I decided to see how unconventional of a Christmas I could really have. My mum and I were still not as close as we should have been, and I felt it was time to resolve all this stuff and put it behind us.

So, Christmas night, sitting around together having a few drinks, I pulled out some pure MDMA i had been saving for just this occasion.

Having had wonderful success with the empathic effects of MDMA previously, I wanted to try a little self-assisted therapy. In the process I hoped to show her that simply demonising “drugs” under the one banner was ridiculous, and that my interests ran a lot deeper than simply getting “fucked up”.

As i pulled out the bag my Mum shot me a glance, a sharp striking glance that pierces the skin, one that only a Mother can achieve. I held my ground as she asked “whats that then?”

“MDMA, something beautiful” I pronounced. I explained to her some of the effects, and that I thought we should try it together. To my surprise, she agreed!

Now its a more than slightly surreal experience dosing your mother with anything, and im sure my hands were shaking as i gave it to her. She swallowed it down with a drink, as did I and we continued talking idly.

About half an hour later I was beginning to notice the music take on that familiar and exhilarating tone, everything was sounding much clearer, much nicer to my ears. I looked over to her and saw her eyes wide, a smile from ear to ear as she bopped her head in time to the sounds of Cat Stevens, Peace Train to be exact.

That moment, she gazed back at me with a childlike wonder I had never seen in her, or at least for a very long time. I could almost literally see the shackles of her depression, her anxiety and dramas drop from her as she was filled with the simple joy of being.

It was an ecstatic experience. We began talking and I bought up some of the things that had been bothering me, her drinking problem and what it was that was causing her to drink. We spoke at length, for hours, going in depth about personal issues more than ever before.

Eventually she motioned to me to give her a hug, and I did, a hug that signalled that from now, this point in time, any resentment was long gone, never to be thought of again.

I saw a slight tear in her eye, but one of release, of happiness, not of sorrow.

I think I probably had one too..

<3