Living in "Society"
posted by mike | February 22, 2010
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IcerocketWhat do we really need to survive in this civilizational wilderness? Of course you need money. We are set up to basically live or die by it. We need shelter, the quality depending on the tolerance of the individual. We need food. That brings us back to money, unless you are a master dumpster diver, which even in my homless period I couldn't bring myself to do. I had a job so I just ate canned foods and the fast food dollar menu. I know it's really bad for you but it is so cheap. What is my point? I'm not sure yet.
I'm in college now, I'm acing it. I have a 4.0 GPA, my family is proud of me again. I live with them for free, which is cool. But that is only because I am in school. When I graduate I am going to be a Radiologist and I will be making at or above forty grand a year, (if I can find a job that is). That's what we are all raised to believe is the good life isn't it? At least those of us born on the lower class ranks. Like me.
I still have my hobbies of course. I play and write music and poetry. I do my research projects. I have been buying studio time with my left over grant money, so there is some good in that aspect I guess. But I can't help but feel unfufilled. I should be happy right? I'm in school, I'm doing good. I have a job adequate enough to pay my car note and insurance, the only bills I have at this time, and I live for free with my family. Believe me, that isn't a cake walk, my family is poor, but it's better than living in my car. I can stretch out on the couch when I sleep instead of a tiny car seat. My point is I still feel, whats a good word, ansy. Restless. I'm not satisfied. You can't say I'm spoiled, lol. I am the complete opposite of spoiled. You can't say I don't know what I've got because I have been damn near at rock bottom, or as close as I would like to ever get again. So why? What the hell am I so unsatisfied about?
Is it because I'm not living at the level of luxury I feel I deserve to live at? I'm not sure of that. I sit in class and I usually just kind of stare off. I'm good at studying at the last minute so this doesn't affect my performance, but I usually think something along the lines of, what the hell are you doing?
Will I be happy as a Radiologist? I don't know. It is definately better than a lot of jobs people end up with. But is it fair that we have to settle for shit jobs that usually drains the life out of us little by little every single day? No it isn't. I feel like I'm trying to re-enter society, and it is in a way making me feel like a failure. Does that make since at all? I don't know. I know living in my car sucked on a very high level of suckage. I was lucky enough to have a job at the time, minimum wage, but I had income. God, I really hate money. What a fuck up that was.
See my dilema? I don't want to be dependant on this nine to five lifestyle of work and bills and mortgage and insurance and taxes and all that institutional bull shit, but at the same time, how can you not? I'm really bummed out here guys. I thought things were going good for me. And as everything is fleshing out, I'm just heading down another road I'm not compleley into. I could just suck it up and do it and do my music on the side but I really hate the fact that I HAVE to do that. I don't know. I guess I'm rambling here. It's like four in the morning and i have class in like five hours so I guess I should go to bed.
I'll be alright. I'll go to class and go to work and come home and pick on my guitar. Then I'll go to sleep and do it all over again. Lol, I'm hopeless. No satisfiying this guy. At least I'm in school right? Fuck man, I'm done writing. Ya'll take it easy.
Comments
Yes it makes sense!
— Feb 22, 2010
I completely get what you're saying! And I love how you can just express it because I cannot do that for the life of me...ugh money! The status we have made for it and how much control it has on our lives...it's ridiculous! I've been feeling so trapped lately, and getting up and just going, traveling, moving around with a backpack full of books has been really tempting. How I would get by?...who cares, I know that would make me happy. I've been trying to find a balance on what "should" be best for my future and what I really want to do...what is going to make me, not only happy, but fulfilled as well. Yeah see Mike, now I'm just rambling. I really don't have advice but I really think it will fall into place, and if you're not happy...change it. From what we know, we have THIS life to live...make the best of it!
-Carcar<3
Word Brother
— Feb 22, 2010
I feel your pain man. I get into those moods multiple times a week. I sit there, doing something that I'm not really into and I'm thinking, god I wish I could be doing something I really wanted to do. I have a strong passion for growing and building things, all sorts of things, but it costs lots of money to do those things, so I get caught up in the same spot that you're in.
Pot helped for a while, but any kind of intoxicant is really just a temporary solution. I found that exercising really helped a lot, running mostly. Eating organic food helped a lot along with quitting sweets and cutting WAY back on any kind of restaurant food.
Music is a great release for me too but without money there isn't much to go forward with, and if you live in a small town like me there's not many people to try and jam with... life is just like it is though, you're where you are because you're meant to be there and you should just try to learn as much as possible while you are where you're at.
Peace
You're on to something
— Feb 24, 2010
Okay, I'm a dad so I gotta say the responsible thing: stay in school and finish the damn degree. Gives you more options.
Having said that, you're on to something. Being dissatisfied with acceptable social roles is a sign of great intelligence in this society because THIS SOCIETY IS FUCKED UP. Money, jobs, corporations, and governments are all made-up illusions that we have been living, no, existing with for the last few hundred years. The strain is starting to show.
In reality, we don't need money, jobs etc. to survive. We need reliable supplies of fresh water, food, clothing and shelter. Up until 100 years ago, most people knew how to find, grow, sew, and build these things for themselves. In fact, all wild animals know how to do these things. It is only us, proud citizens of Modern Western Civilization, who have forgotten how to take care of ourselves.
This is not an accident. We have been trained to be dependent in order to solidify the control and profit of the people in charge of society.
So what to do? Break the chain of dependence. Become an urban homesteader. Learn to grow your own food, make your own clothes, and build your own shelter. It's not that hard. See, for example, the book "Square Foot Gardening." Then if you don't like your job, big deal.
I'm 47 years old and I'm just realizing this. God Bless You for realizing it while you are still young- it will be much easier for you.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge is freedom. Knowledge will make us whole.
Radiologist?
— Feb 24, 2010
You're going to have zero problems getting a job.
You'll be snapped up just like that.
Money worries are not your worries.
(Yes, I too am a dad.)
Dependence on 9-5 lifestyle, insurance, and taxes -- do those. Mortgage on the other hand, you can get around. (Renting, collective housing, and other alternatives.)
What is essential is that you are not finding fulfillment through these things -- that's a good sign.
Find what has heart and has meaning for you. Avoid hobbies -- they have heart, but not necessarily meaning. Be very open minded about what this can mean; Don't settle before you know. (And, even after you know, what it is will likely change for you as you progress through life.)
