Self Portrait Essay

So this is an essay i wrote for my english 101 class...i haven't been to school in ten years until now....so i don't know if my writing is to good ::blushes:: anyway hopefully these classes will stimulate my mind so i can write more blogs :)

Life is beautiful in every possible way. My own personal experience of life has been an extreme expression of duality that I have come to cherish in every moment. I have watched my family survive many levels of positive and negative duality. On my own, I too have survived these very extreme levels. The experience and observation of these levels of duality have shaped me into the beautiful human being that I am today. Both my father and I have survived an extreme dependency to illicit substances. I have watched both of my parents in their own and other relationships struggle with co-dependency. My younger sister had had to endure trips to hospital to see her father and brother lying on their death beds. I personally have survived homelessness in the drug infested neighborhoods of north Philadelphia, where a young white kid should just not be. On the positive side, I have seen my younger sister graduate from college twice, my mother fell in love and got married again, and a radical change in my father’s attitude towards life and spirituality. I have learned in my twenty nine years on this planet that there is a reason for every single moment to happen, just the way it is at that point in time. These past events do not bring me to a place of fear in my mind any longer. They bring me to a place of love and acceptance for my life and all life on this beautiful planet.
Growing up was not especially easy for me. I was born in 1980 in Camden, New Jersey to two loving parents. I was diagnosed with a learning disorder called ADD. Today I no longer choose to view this as a disorder, but as an expression of the “indigo soul” I was born with. The term “indigo” reflects the color of that particular individual’s soul. These individuals were sent here break down the systems of earth that hold no integrity, or have no use on the planet any longer. They are characterized with a rage, an opposition to authority, and a strong sense of mission in their lives. Sadly, most of the time, they are misdiagnosed with learning and mental disorders, and given medication. This is society’s way of “dumbing them down”, and somehow bringing them back in alignment with the status quo. I had many traits of an “indigo” at a very early age. For example: my anger towards authority, creativity and artistic ability at a young age, and my extreme behavior. This caused many problems for my parents, being as “indigo children” were not known back then as they are today. At the age of six I began my trips to physicians and psychologists to bring me into alignment with the behavior of other children. This caused a feeling inside of me that there was something wrong with me. Little did I know that the beliefs I was forming at such a young age would eventually lead me into a full blown heroin addiction. At the age of sixteen I had began the journey into the depths of my own personal hell, only to emerge twelve years later with a brand new outlook on life. All of a sudden all the negative thoughts and beliefs finally had their place in my soul’s journey. I had emerged from the depths of hell no longer doubting life, or living in fear.
During the last few years of my hellish journey through the abyss, I was attending a twelve step fellowship called, “Cocaine Anonymous.” I am forever grateful to the people in that fellowship for what they showed me about myself and for leading me on a path to spirituality. But, during these last few years, I felt like something was terribly wrong. The individuals around me started telling me there was something wrong with my dress, actions, and spirituality. By this time I had learned a greater deal of acceptance for myself. They had taught me, “to thy own self be true.” That’s exactly what I did. I stepped out of my fear and dependency of the fellowship and decide to follow my own heart and soul into the beauty of freedom. Since that time, not too long ago, I have come to love my creativity, self, and free thought. I have gone back to my “indigo” roots and follow my own personal intuition and soul’s path. I have started college. I have gained a personally built spirituality, and growing practice of meditation. All of the achievements I told myself I was not capable of, or even wanted to do in the past, I am now doing. Life became more fulfilling to me day by day.
Since leaving the fellowship and moving back to Baltimore I have never been so happy. I have an ever growing relationship with my father who I now live with, in Hampden. I am now attending college with the hopes to eventually graduate one day with a doctorate in psychology. I have recently stopped eating meat in an attempt to play my part in animal rights. This is out of a newly found respect for all living beings. I am getting involved in the Baltimore evolver community, which is a grassroots activism community for the conscious evolution of humanity. I recently got to attend the Gaian Mind Summer Festival with my father who has also attended many festivals such as Woodstock, and a few others. These are examples of some activities I like to do in my free time which I could not do before because of fear of myself and reality. I am a seeker. I seek truth in every experience that I have in life. I have come to not be afraid to question anything. This helps me on my path towards personal enlightenment and hopes for a better future for all life on planet earth.
As the days of my life pass by ever more frequently; as the experience of linear time seems to fade every day, I learn more that life is one grand experience of the love humanity is. We as a species are evolving at a rapidly accelerating rate. The time has come to smile and say, “What a wonderful experience every moment on planet earth is!” I know I have been sent here by our creator with a very specific mission: “To spread love as far and wide as I possibly can!”