I just finished reading Adam Elenbaas' brilliantly moving book, "Fishers of Men: The Gospel of an Ayahuasca Vision Quest." I highly highly recommend this beautifully written memoir, if it's correct to call it a memoir. I have never drank Ayahuasca. But I wanted to share here part of my experience reading the book...

soft pastels on my hands. i feel like I just had an invigorating massage. i feel depressed suddenly. angsty. sad. fear. a swell of emotion arisen as i allowed myself to create freely. rare these days. what old trauma of childhood dreams smothered have i awakened? i feel lonely. this studio feels so small and shadowy. ten years in this boxy shelter.

what if none of what we think is happening in our relationships is true? what if right now, we were having the relationship we most desire with our lover? what if the happiness we can imagine as a result of that intimacy was available right where we are, at this very moment, regardless of our lover?

Pedantic, she called me.
So true.
Though I'd rather be pedantic than ambivalent. Ahem.
However...pedantic I am and really need some help seeing the forest that is my life in it's fullest scope.

Unconditional love, universal love, real love, divinely channeled love...is not confined to one person, because then that "love" can be taken away from that one person. Then that "love" is about approving or not approving. Then that "love" is based on one person fitting or representing our "ideal" in specific ways.

When I contemplate what, as a conscious person, I am to act from today, it's love. Love sees the light in every situation and in every person. Love transcends ego, transcends judgment, and transcends fear. Love is the intelligence of the Creative Genius, of our soul, of our hearts wide open. How can we be loving toward ourselves, toward others, and toward life?.....

Stop thinking.

As I've watched my only 2 blogs I've ever written appear on Evolver's main page, climb in their grok rating, enjoy some commentary and then suddenly disappear into thin air, some questions have been raised for me. What's a grok? What determines a blog's rating? What's the shelf life of a blog until it is determined no-longer-fresh? Who or what determines this?

Rather than leaving me depressed, Avatar has woken me from a slumber I did not fully realize I was in and ignited inspiration within me. The people in the news reports who are feeling depressed and staying depressed after seeing this film are mainly the same people who live their lives in victim-consciousness and have been waiting for something to change outside of them.