soul retrieval::: part 1

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4
groks

soft pastels on my hands. i feel like I just had an invigorating massage. i feel depressed suddenly. angsty. sad. fear. a swell of emotion arisen as i allowed myself to create freely. rare these days. what old trauma of childhood dreams smothered have i awakened? i feel lonely. this studio feels so small and shadowy. ten years in this boxy shelter. the late afternoon light always made me low...as far back as i can remember. this apartment catches only that. emphasizes it. slows down time. and steals it away. something has been dying in me for decades now. it must be so strong to last this long and still be able to make it's presence known. even if withering. whimpering. i hear it and it hurts. i cry feeling so sorry for myself. for the thing in there. the little girl at the bottom of this dark narrow well who wants to be brought up into the bright sunshine. she wants to be brought up. she was having fun. playing. imagining. dreaming up. drawing superheroes. riding bikes. making touchdowns. making tackles. laughing. singing. chasing sunsets. digging in the dirt. saving the world.
something happened. something went very wrong. this deep well built up around her. with no apparent footholds to grab onto. only the light coming from the top, the size of a quarter. 
she still wants to be brought up. how does she get to the light? how do i bring her up?

Comments

I too have been adventuring

I too have been adventuring in an attempt to climb fully out of the darkness that likes to encroach when I'm not paying attention. For me, it has simply been a matter of realizing that there is nothing to realize and letting go-acting on impulse and destroying patterns. It's been about a year, and things are definitely becoming brighter than they have ever been. Don't stress, as much as it may seem permanent, every thought can bring you closer to your goal, and soon this stage will be nothing more than a stepping stone. One thing that has helped me is The Self Transcendence Workbook by TD Lingo. Google it for the full PDF version. Good luck!

Thank you for your words and

Thank you for your words and your suggestions! I'm sorry it took me this long to notice and respond. I don't evolver much and didn't realize you commented. I always appreciate someone taking the time to read and remark.

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"Banish the word 'struggle' from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. We are the ones we have been waiting for." — Hopi elders

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