Equanimity, the Clear Receptor

“ Looking for alternatives- better sights than we see, better sounds than we hear, a better mind than we have- keeps us from realizing that we could stand with pride in the middle of our life and realize it’s a sacred mandala.” –Pema Chodron
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I sacrifice overwhelming excitement for calm joy. I used to believe the goal in life was to reach higher and higher heights, to obtain momentarily bursts of ecstasy, to fall more and more in love with people and ideas. Yet by the grace of Buddhist authors I learned of another way.

“Give up hope” they say.

It’s a little hard to swallow at first. How is this any different than the suicidal slogans of teenage angst? Ironically the same and yet different, I used to find myself hopeless despairing wanting to die and now I find myself hopeless saturated with the joy of the universe looking toward the end of re-birth. Now it’s beautiful!

The difference is because Now I have Now. Hopelessness can seem to mean giving up the future but just as easily can mean finding the present, for it is in the present that we operate. The present moment contains everything within it, why put things off until the future? This is a barrier to operating . This makes a claim against the perfect imperfection right in front of our faces.

It’s funny, in meditation, my silly mind sometimes likes to chime in: “I’m going sit in meditation a lot next month!” But you are meditating right now! Surprisingly I find it hard to convince it of simple facts such as these.

There is a part of us that is constantly trying to trick us into believing that there is a problem to be fixed, a goal to be achieved, a better place to live, a next week and next year.

Equanimity is a concept of allowing, learning to be free of rejection and grasping. Don't misconstrue that this means you become useless and stagnated. By accepting what is at all times, only then, you can awaken to the creative potential within each moment. No longer caught in great crashing waves emotion, still feeling them, honoring each as an expression of the Divine, but no –longer forging identity based on like and dislike, it becomes clear what to do. Clarity becomes simple truth and each moment is a blessed chance to move in this direction.

When we hope, we dislocate part of the infinite potential of the present and we turn away from the current happening. Maybe it is ugly to us, but whatever its form, the current happening is where Spirit whispers, opening onto eternity. There we find the Jewel.

Can we make the deepest sadness one with highest joy? This is done by holding the whole of ourselves, all emotion, all states and seeing how every moment is containing its opposite. The happiest day of your life also contains a sadness and in grief, there a light of fiercely burning love.

We want the “good” moments to last forever. Well, make all moments good and grasp no longer at the expressions of grace that slip from your fingers. They are made to change, twirling into everything dancing the truth of nature, a play of infinite possibilities. God smiles here, at you, within you, never turning away even as you turn away.

Maybe the world will end, as will your body, don’t hold to tight, claiming the necessity of continuing. Let go, you are infinite wonder. For now the world IS, you ARE, in this precious moment. Just to be here at all is a miracle.

The answer comes in no one form, not in the Hall where everyone dresses in white. Neither in mobs of chaos or towering buildings or the laboratory. In all places the forces mix, clarity and the smoke it emits to cover itself. {which is also it} Can we look our shadows in the face and become clear receptors? Not to paint the reflection white but allow its graceful movement across our Being?

As we allow, become clear, opening to the universe, here there is no obstacle, no walls and no doors to walk through.