the moksha diaries, excerpt 1

‘Don’t stagger doses; it’s all or nothing with this stuff’.

And with that, the forthcoming transcendental phenomenon presented itself according to cosmic bylaws shrouded in the most esoteric of informational streams ever contrived.

It was instigated, at least in part, by what I had come to accept as the debilitation of my soul, to put it lightly. Internal dialogue was at a staggering all-time high, but lacking its usual essence of rational discourse. Thoughts were now fleeting, convoluted fragments of imagination yearning to manifest, to catalyze, to take hold of something outside the realms of my own deluded abstracts concerning whichever situation yielded merit. Meditation, any sort of silent contemplation was irrelevant.

The problems were here, they were now, they were in front of me with full intention of blinding me with guilt, terror, shame and utter desperation to chastise and absolve myself from such lewd acts of ‘auto-enlightenment’, so to speak. Was this frailness a process of the healing? What was wrong with me in the first place? If there was a Redeemer , he seemed to be late to my little revelation.

I searched and I searched until I had come along a helpful output of data being haphazardly relayed to my ego; advice transient of all eastern mystics but discredited by my Judeo Christian upbringing, that one must abandon all external journeys for divine knowledge because divine knowledge exists within, below the haggard mess of insecurities and selfish behaviors so unwittingly absorbed, and below the ego’s intensive aspirations to indulge itself by all means necessary, a clear white light maintains luminescence only to the point that one must be willing to rid the dark that plagues him in order to begin anew.

It was this light, Eftya as it is known, that imbibed the knowledge of the nature of my samsara, the cycle of birth and death and renewal that supersedes the laws of material-plane science. For the first time, truly, I gained the overwhelming sense of compassion and benevolence I so longed for discovering within a temple, a ritual, a book or an idol. It expressed itself as acute clarity of soul, a sharpness that had been shrouded so willfully within the previously dull affinity for existence I once harbored.

during our short cycle on this planet, one must recollect the implicit memory that all of our tangible manifestations, our cretinous routine so-and-so’s, our big pharmaceuticals and even bigger notions of rapid industrialization, and after, one must realize. It may uproot as you read this, it may take months, years, or even another lifecycle to realize that these innumerable products of anthropocentric mentality are the utmost of hindrances to mankind’s return to the basic and giving, essential and divine, earth.

As Lao Tzu eloquently proclaims, “What is deeply rooted in nature cannot be uprooted, What is firmly held cannot slip away.The power of sacrifice continues on from generation to generation”

Has modern reductionist ideology transformed those of us taking note of the recent technological advancements into a species eons beyond the rest that inhabit this pale blue dot, or simply presumptuous elitists oblivious to our own malevolence and progressing disparity from the true nature of our well being?

Human physiology allows adaptation to occur in response to environmental pressures in the short term in the individual. Evolution allows adaptation to occur over the long term in the population. Human culture is learned behavior that retains adaptive value.

And with that, I had come upon an inkling of a notion of absolute recognition of the very concept of 'I'.

You = reception and awareness of surroundings. Not your body or your name or your ego. You are likely composed of entirely different cells than you were even a year ago, relating ‘I’ to the physical self is only a point of reference in attempting to explain identity in a progressive universe. I don’t see the reason in why we came to simply be mammals with an ardent superiority complex but questioning the purpose is inherent, if we stop asking why we’re here we’ll never have the will to persevere in the quest for such knowledge.

Purpose? It still appears to be wholly uncertain. We are conditioned to maintain the push for more, and more, and more. Our only breaking point comes with physical demise. Some will play the game, they will hold strong to the assertion that the future grass will one day be greener. That it’s all leading up to something beautifully unequivocal to anything in the past. Others will realize they’ve been had, far early into playing. ha! What a funny game it is to play when the denouement is veiled so thinly to some and so deeply shrouded in ineffable hardship to others. To counteract such a disproportionate playing field requires a steady hand and heart manifesting only unbridled compassion for the will of the people, and of the universe at that.