It feels like a month has passed in the last week. Let's see... a week ago today Chris and I were broken up, I was pondering finding a crappy job, and all my dreams seemed to have passed me by. I felt like perhaps I had taken a wrong turn, that I was a victim to life. Old cobwebby mentalities and perspectives had completely overcome me from a decade ago.

Up late, in the dark, watching documentaries about people's own darkest hours and their impact on the world. Tonight it was "What's Wrong With Aunt Diane?" and "Boy Interrupted", both films about tragedy, death and grief, among other things. I don't watch these documentaries out of morbidity, but because I can understand, in my own way, their extreme communicated pain.

I have some strange connection to death. When my spiritual counselor asked me why I am taking 'Death and Dying' this semester, I was hard-pressed to find a real answer. This is something I worry about in my own mind. Is life preparing me for some tragedy? Why am I so pulled toward these quiet places?

At the behest of a new ally, minister and life coach I am blogging my daily emotional experience. Rather than sharing old stories or big revelations, I'll use this space to share the baby steps, and, perhaps, open the floodgates of authenticity. In light of this, I request only that we not get preachy with each other here, or mean for that matter.

Death anxiety is driving me crazy! Simply put, I need my soul friends. Its been a long time since I visited here. Life has been full of paradox, upheaval, settling... the wheel continues to turn.

Though you might know of Buckminster Fuller and his career heading the design revolution for ultimate sustainability with Earth's resources, you might not yet be familiar with his largely accepted philosophical predecessor Barbara Marx-Hubbard.

I guess I should have known that the creators of something as flowing and creative as Evolver.net, social networking site devoted to fostering positive change in the world, would have also been interested in nurturing the conscious feminine.

HHHHHHOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! Ok, I know its specifically in the Evolver code of conduct that we refrain from all caps online 'yelling'. However, I am just so very very happy to be back. Hard to say in what way, exactly, but just back.