Cycles

It has been a full year since I took the leap from 'playing the game' to giving it all up in search for meaning. My mate would suggest that to search for meaning is to search for something we can never find. Of course, I insert this with my tongue buried deep in my cheek, since he usually offers that piece of advice in context... and not this one, as a matter of fact.

But truly, I did leave in search of meaning. I needed more than shopping sprees, an 'important' address, and a hollow relationship with a boyfriend I never had to love but also never loved me. I needed more than hitting my spa numbers at each monthly close-out in that ridiculous ego-inflating gym. You know, the one that's named after an ancient sacred pagan holiday???

I needed to do more than just exist with all of my empty things. So I left it behind. WIth a successful track record and a well-built staff, I gave my two-weeks notice and embarked on the very different journey of standing on my own two feet with nothing but my principles to support me. When people would ask what I was going to do, I replied, "help people." With an answer so vague, many were concerned for what terribly risky turn I was taking with my career.

So there I was, time on my hands, passion in my heart, freedom amiss, and experimentation abounding. I began teaching myself to podcast and to use the internet to connect with like-minded beings.

In the beginning, The Empress Project was about coaching, teaching, and encouraging. Fueled by the encouragement of a wildly successful marketing mogul friend, I spent a great deal of time thinking about how I wanted my life to change and how I wanted The Empress Project to support me. I continued to go deeper with my inner work and to connect deeply with my own Self-Parenting journey. Along the ride I excavated and examined many old skeletons that needed to be put properly to rest for a long time.

My personal relationships began to build and even flourish. After nearly a decade of silence with my mother, we began to heal our relationship and I, for the first time in my life, allowed myself to forgive her and let go of all the pain I carried. The Empress Project, then titled Every Empress, continued to evolve as I explored many spiritual concepts and answered many of my own questions through seeking. I reconnected with the spirit of travel, faced major fears, and even worked diligently with spirit guides.

A community began to form around me and I felt completely at peace working for the sake of being of service rather than earning large amounts of money. I was even at ease with my own poverty. I no longer felt identified with the things I owned or where I lived. I felt free to connect and create a community through The Empress Project.

I got personal, openly made mistakes, and dared to break the rules and create new ones. I met wolves in sheep clothing and sheep in wolves' clothing. I saw myself and those I loved for all their dark and light and gray area, and I felt love regardless of the hue I perceived.

The project changed too. It became authentic, but unfocused. It became free, but disorganized. The adolescent stage left a great many unexplored incredible ideas, but it also brought me into connection with perhaps the single most impactful relationship of my life; one that required I utilize every tool I gathered through the development of The Empress Project. With all my faith and all of my eggs in the basket of trusting my intuition first and foremost, I merged with another and have since put forth tremendous effort into nurturing that relationship, and a third, with our surprise Sage baby.

In the meantime The Empress Project marinated in more focused creative juices. The divine feminine showed me what it means to tend a garden, day in and day out. I learned to till the soil of a spiritually conscious family, an involved task for sure.

Time has a funny way of working its magic and making clear that which seems vague. The Empress Project, having come full circle in the cycle of a year, has come a long way. It is not about a website, class, workshop, or free services. It is simply a conduit for the Divine Feminine to speak. It is a book blossoming into whatever it is meant to be. What happens beyond the book is not for me to know at this time. This is a lesson of the Empress, the Goddess, the Divine mother; to release the need for a plan or a decided answer and to simply trust that following our intuitive hits are a gamble simply because of the expectations we have about what our intuition should do for us. We want our intuition to keep us secure. Spirit cares little for our insecurities. It cares for our development and evolution, it cares for our ability to be truly alive in any given moment.

So, for now, The Empress Project is centered around awakening the Divine Feminine through exploration of esoteric and practical application.

Episode 32 of The Empress Project is about celebrating the spiral of time that has primed this moment of grounded direction. With music by Free The Robots, Miss Kitten, Bjork and Radiohead, with all love, I do hope you enjoy!

http://virginiajester.podomatic.com/entry/2010-07-23T14_06_22-07_00