Libra Moon

Sustainability. A hot word in a hot melting pot currently. Arguably, a subjective word indeed. The things one could consider sustainable are often attached to individually ideal scenarios. The puzzle is still coming together folks.

In an experiment to follow the heart and live out ideals, I spent six months living off of donations and the kindness of others in order to be of greater service to the world. I counseled, podcasted, gave massage, offered readings, and taught classes for people who really wanted to grow, at a price everyone could afford because it was one they decided on. This was, in many ways, the happiest time of my life, and the most internally fulfilling too- to be utterly of service and to be in trust with the Universe. It was divine, but also very difficult.

Something that became increasingly evident with this way of life was that it would only sustain me, not my growing four-year-old, not any close relationships, not even stable gardening opportunities. Gardens need water every day, not just when we can 'afford' to take the time and gather the resources to bring them water. Relationships, too, need our spiritual waters. Homes need heating, children need feeding, physical entities need fuel. Had I more time, resources to begin with, and organization, I might have been able to pull it off a bit better. However, with all the ideals I held at the time about what sustainability really was, my manifestation of this was not designed to last.

Then love came, and it required an incredible shift in lifestyle to sustain. A job became necessary if rent was to be paid. No more time for sliding scale readings or podcasts, or even healing sessions. The threat of utilities being shut off loomed. Dependable and sustainable resources were suddenly required in order to share space and daily life with someone other than myself. From that love quickly and unexpectedly came the buds of fruit.

If sharing space with another shifted the parameters, becoming pregnant changed the game. Growing babies, especially babies in utero, need extra food, healthy food, extra rest, extra love... in a word, energy. More work was necessary to sustain this growing new precious life.

Six months later I find myself here, in a place that is decidedly uncomfortable, though far more 'sustainable' than the previous lifestyle I chose. I work, standing on my feet, educating the public about supplements and external remedies for internal issues for eight hours a day. I keep my mouth shut about deeper issues because the union I work for and the Co-Op I work for are not designed to peek intimately into the souls of its shoppers. I ward off fainting and the many finecky needs of pregnancy in order to earn a pay check by sniffing essential oils an dosing myself with herbs and flower essences. Rent gets paid. When not at work, I mother, cook, clean, and care for one (and a half) children. Little mouths are fed well, and their little hearts and minds are filled too with wisdom they can use later in life. Somewhere in there I slip in rest. My romantic relationship gets all the nurturing I can muster, and my partner is an incredible resource for love and renewal- although drained himself from having to work seven days a week to support our growing family. There is no time or energy left for working with the soul- even my own is currently on the back burner.

On days off I fill out endless pages of paperwork for my local welfare office to file in order to ensure the next month's food stamps that nourish my very dear family. Every Tuesday we walk 14 blocks round trip in the intense summer heat to support our local farmer's market and to give our four-year-old a chance to play and socialize. With no vehicle, we walk or ride everywhere we need to go, including work. We don't buy harsh chemicals, conventional produce, and Chris never supports me in purchasing single-serving beverages in order to cut down on the level of waste we contribute when we are out and about. Our precious resources go to supporting our values of sustainability whenever humanly possible- we are dedicated people.

Somehow, even while working seven days a week and being a dedicated lover and father, Chris manages to put together the monthly Spore we once envisioned creating together- before baby Sage, now on the way, began preoccupying my energies and giving me 'pregnant brain'. In quiet moments we daydream about her sweet personality and how her presence will enrich our lives rather than what speakers we'd have at next month's pore, or where we'd like to hold a screening of '2012: Time For A Change'.

Our creations take energy. Our manifestations require our nurturing and care. Perhaps this is the lesson the Empress chooses to teach me now. It is up to my partner and I to re-write the script for what we feel a sustainable lifestyle might be. This includes shifting our perspectives about money, healing our issues with it that cause us to resist it, teaching our children to be more independent, clearing the material clutter that commands so much of our energy, and prioritizing our spiritual needs while meeting our physical needs more -truly- sustainably.

The part of me that is my Libra moon needs peace, harmony, beauty, balance, contemplation and serenity. We all have this part of us, but for Libra moon people, it is more of a "have-to" type situation than a "would-like" one.

Ultimately, my ideals of an evolution that do not incorporate the real-life need for sustainably incoming resources must change in order to survive, and, perhaps, thrive. I see this need to transform throughout this movement. It starts with us as individuals, as members of a community that has a very good idea- to live more sustainably. How can we do this without truly embracing the values of the goddess, the Empress, this mother Earth we inhabit? It is not about sustainability as a nice thought, its about sustainability as a chosen way of life that challenges us to grow beyond our current ideals.

The lives we live are the based on the stages we create. How can my inner Libra take the time to enjoy beauty, stillness, harmony, and peace if I create my life based upon valuing poverty and resisting the money I could use to hire a babysitter from time to time, or pay for dance classes for my daughter, or even rent a car occasionally to drive to the beach and restore my inner self? How is my impovershed martyrdom serving anyone's greater good? How is this communities resistance to true monetary sustainability serving our need to make a lasting change in the world? How can we hope to develop a truly lasting positive impact if we ignore the honest needs of the world we are in? How can we sustain our lives and the life of this movement if we resist the need to feed it our life force energy, and the extensions of that, which are money?

Chris and I do not donate to Evolver's ESM, mostly because our bank account is overdrawn each month from the rent check or energy bill we need to send out. With maternity leave right around the corner and a midwife to pay, we are bearing down for another challenging time. We do however, all that we can to support Evolver. (Admittedly, Chris handles most of this these days as I am in less of a position to do so with my unique responsibilities). My ideal for increased sustainability now is to heal my relationship with money, so that I can have it to give to this wonderful project, to my local farmers, to the artisans in my area who make fine wares that I will no longer need to purchase for less money at the local-business-slayer massive retailer Target.

Just some words for my fellow Evolvers to consider, to mull over, and perhaps to engage with us. We would do well to grow out of out infantile ideals about the way the world should be and to accept the way that it is in order to make lasting changes that can bring to birth all the values we wish we could nurture now, but just can't due to the way things are. Denying the way the world works will get us nowhere- we must be stronger and better at holding true to our values while embracing the current way of things if we are to truly 'evolve' into something lasting and powerful.

Let us make this place on the internet into something that nurtures one another, nurtures the soul, and restores our inspiration when it wanes from the hard work that is practical sustainability. Let us build a self-supportive community, both in language and in action here. Let us shed our resistance to change, to growth, to co-operation and to resources.

Thanks for reading, friends, and a special thanks to those of you who have so kindly encouraged me to participate here once again. It has been too long, and yet, the Universe has primed me with a very new perspective. Perhaps it has simply been just right.

xoxo

V