Thanks, Pluto, for nearly killing me...TWICE!

Thank you Pluto, for almost killing me, for loving me with your open heart and your iron fist. When we first came close I was unenthusiastic about your long stay with me. With good reason, you terrified me! I knew you would ask me to heal all the pain I carried around, and there was a lot of it. The last time we convened , when I was 15 or so, frightening events came to pass (sexual abuse, abandonment, mental abuse, psychological abuse, and neglect, to name a few), wounding me but pushing me to grow deeply, in a way that is turning from lead to gold now. You represent the compression of the Alchemical process. You are the part where severe vehement force, molecular breakdown and restructuring occur. You’re the hottest hot point of the flame below and the coolest vapor of the glacier above. You are the ceiling and the ground disappearing taking us to the edge of our existence; breaking us down to the bear minimum of structure we need to survive, to the edge of our lives, and bear us anew in a golden body, having shed our leaden skin. In both visits with you that I can recall, you have nearly killed me; first by my own hand in suicide attempts, and second from the subconscious version of these attempts by way of serious illness. Alas, I am still alive to tell the tale, and stronger than ever before. Thank you for coming. You are, indeed, the most profound and noble guest I have yet hosted in my few years incarnate this time around. I know you now, and the pain you bring when we grip to perceived safety of familiarity, like a process I can replicate without notes. Your message has permeated me and I am a believer. What gifts to receive! Thank you for making me grand enough to wrap my arms around them! Namaste.