as woman; seeking, seeing man...

I'm sick of being the nice friend, the confidant but not the woman who a man will cross the deadliest ocean to find...I want that kind of man, the kind of man who will scour hell and beyond just to kneel at my feet. God damnit, i want a man who is willing to fight for me...who believes in the depth and heart of a wymon, who would risk everything he's ever known just to be near her...god yes i want that kind of love...and i want him to beleive in love as the great redeemer of the soul...not the sickly kind of possesive love that is so prominet these days, where a man tries to own a wymon, or beacasue he's a coward, he needs her, feels uncomplete with out her...no i want him to have the strength to be who he is, to be independent, to be spiritually alive and connected...but then to love me becasue he WANTS to...because it then becomes the finest expresson of his commitment to love the human family...through the love of her, he finds the doorway to the heart of god...yes i want that kind of love...and to hell if i will settle for anything less!!!

So what kind of wymon do i need to be to attract a man of that callabor?? I keep going back to the flower and the bee...the flower just is, the bee finds the flower...the flower just shines, the bee travels to her...so how shall i be that flower? I have to be a strong spiritually grounded wymon to attract a strong spiritually grounded man...i have to be the center of love to attract a man who seeks only love...i have to be worth fighting for...worth risking everything for...what does that look like?? Does my culture fail me in showing me wymen who are worth that!! Am i to be the ever patient penelope, who waits for odysseus?? a rouge (right word??) queen who tends the flowers of her court until, the man worth his steel conquers the evil serpent who guards her bedroom door?? the fair madien who at the travellers pub waits tables, until a man worthy of his name as adventurer, kills the evil pub owner just to win her affections?? All these fariytales and in all, the wymon DOES NOTHING!! How do these men know that she is worth all of this if she does nothing, if she just waits?? What is it about her?? who is she that a man, having travled the world, having expreinced everything he possibly could, that he would just see her, hear of her, and decide to risk it all?? who is the queen in the court who needs to be guarded by a serpent?? what power does she posess that it needs to be guarded?? what is it about her?? the serpent, the evil pub lord...these represent some kind of obstacle that a man must overcome to win this wymon...but what is it about her that deems her worthy of a mans fight??

of these, i know nothing!! of the qualities of her character, i'm at a lose! all i know is that she waits...and its infuriating to a wymon of the 21st century to be told to wait, to be the ever patient flower...its infuriating when i've been raised post-feminist revolution, to go after what i want...to don the sowrd and kill the serpent myself! what need of a man when i contain the power to create my own fate?? to say fuck you to the evil pub lord and go on my own adventure?? or to follow odysseus to the ends of the earth, becasue i too have the power to overcome whatever lies in my way?? what need of a man then?? do her redeeming qualities lie in the very fact that, even with this power, she still waits?? that although her sowrd is equal to, if not greater than, she still chooses to have him fight for her? is she perhaps more connected to the source and knows that all that matters is love and in this knowledge, she herself, knowing the fickle heart of men and his need to prove to himself that love is all that matters, she herself created the serpent, the pub master, the horrific homeward bound adventure, so that only a man willing to overcome any obstacle to find this love, only that kind of man would embark on such an adventure?? she is the embodiment of this love, of the divine connection to heaven on earth, and in winning the fight, a heroic man can rest; weary from his travels, weary from searching the world over, for what was always here inside to begin with...and it is her who shows him that the door way to heaven is through love. She just knows, it is he who must seek, for she already is!!