A Saturn Return

I am reluctant to talk about my visions on the whole, I would rather talk of knowledge on a practical level of what I know. Visions are in general unexplained phenomena which take years to be understood. But in the interests of emptying myself which is the shaman's practise, I will tell you about my Saturn return.

The Saturn Return is an astrological phenomenon that occurs at around the age of thirty, coinciding with the time it takes the planet Saturn to make one orbit around the sun. It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn "returns" to the degree in which it occupied at the time of birth a person crosses over a major threshold and into the next stage of life. With the first Saturn Return, a person leaves youth behind and enters adulthood. With the second Return, maturity. And the third and usually final Return, a person enters wise old age.
The first Saturn Return is famous because it represents the first test of character and the structures a person has built their life upon. According to traditions, should these structures be unsound, or if a person is living out of touch with his or her true values, the Saturn Return will be a time of upheaval and limitations as Saturn forces him or her to expel old concepts and worn out patterns of living. It is not uncommon for relationships and jobs to end during this time of life restructuring and re-evaluation.

I was working in a holiday home by the sea in a place not far from where I live now. I had for many years struggled with my own self importance. Self indulgence seemed to engulfed me on a day to day basis; I felt pity for myself and the world. And as I worked in this place my problems seemed to manifest themselves. I had been homeless for a time and I was reliant on my employer for a place to stay. I was at my lowest ebb, lower than I had been for a long while. I found it difficult to keep my head above water - maintaining my position in this establishment was near impossible with the difficulties I was experiencing.
I had one day a moment of clarity however - a sense of giving up and abandoning myself to what might be. I had made a friend in this place, I can't even remember his name at this point but he seemed a like a decent person. I stepped outside of the building onto the patio to gaze at the world for a moment while I was free from work.
There my friend stood next to me. I remember looking down to see I was standing on a grate - I made a pun to myself of the word imaging it spelt GREAT and that "I was standing on the GREAT". We stood in silence it seemed a sombre moment. But just then he said to me "Just look at that"...
I surveyed the horizon looking out to sea, with this man to my right pointing. I could not believe what I saw. Instead of the seeing the setting sun on the horizon, I saw Saturn with its rings. It was enormous and utterly eclipsed my mind. I had entered into the world of dreaming. As I stood there gazing at the scene something had shifted within me and I was no longer in a waking state but in the world of dreaming. I had some how stepped through a door into this vision I could not even have imagined. My friend was very calm, it was a quizzical moment for him, as if his eyes had seen this many times before, although seeing it again did not dull the experience. I doubt he was seeing the same as I was however. Just for a moment I was stood between the worlds of waking experience and that which is dreamed. And Saturn returned to me.

For me it was an omen of prolific proportions - as is the nature of these things I thought I knew but in a sense was totally unaware of its significance. Particularly as only until recently did I discover the term 'Saturn Return' and understand its meaning. But now many years on I see the meaning and its significance. This for me was a moment of portent and promise - a return to not quite to sanity but to a place of well-being and a place where I could rest and be free.
The man who stood next to me I never saw again - he left the place I was working quite suddenly - thrown out I was told, as was I some short time after. But there was no regret for me due to that which I had seen. I felt as if I had passed a test and that I had moved from childhood and young adulthood into being a man. And the stage was set for me to continue on my path of discovery into the unknown.