Landscape Criminal #1 Fake Landscape Edging or "FLE's"

(sorry the layout is wierd - it is not appearing on the screen as it does in the edit area)
Here we go:

If knowing is half the battle, is the other half not knowing?

Ready?… I propose to you that if you live in a climate that can have a freezing winter (or in my not so tactful opinion – ANY climate) and you have spent money on FLE’s, you are the victim of a landscape crime. You have been ripped off. The crime is being perpetuated by a ruthless suspect known as ‘Greed,’ sometimes accompanied by ‘Poor Taste’, ‘Suggestability’ and ‘Irrational Reasoning’ who seem to be possesing the pyhsical forms of human beings that refer to themselves as ‘landscapers,’ ‘landscape purchasers’ and ‘whoever the hell choses the general pile of cheap, useless and often ugly filth that fills the garden sections of wallmart, homedepot and lowes.

Here is why.

1. The Sales Pitch for getting FLE’s

a. It looks SOOO Sharp and Clean! (I had a hard time writing that)
InDiLogiC: Ok, really? Maybe, Maybe there are a few extremely talented artisans who could craft substances that would not only highlight natures beauty but even add to it – there are more than a few – I would bet you agree with me that the producers of FLE ’s would not be filed into this category. I am a fan of clean lines as one medium for design and utility, let me be clear on that. My perfect world, though, does not include FLE’s near my home. By no stretch of the imagination is this stuff attractive. Through HGTV and endless magazines, aka Marketing Vehicles, companies have succeeded in creating ’socially acceptable standards’ in design that happen to correspond in a high degree to what those companies or closely affiliated companies sell. It makes sense. It is clever marketing if you find success in propogating mediocrity. You know, the happy smiling hip young couple sharing a secret grin standing over their 2,000 dollar in ground, custom garbage liner as if they just found the ‘greatest orgasm ever button’ on each other’s forehead. Didn’t you see that banner at Lowes? Me neither, I don’t go to Lowes unless I cannot find a cheaply made tool somewhere local. Is this cynical or honest?
b. Unlike a natural cut edge, you won’t have the expense of having to recut it every spring. It will save you money!

InDiLogiC: ….not when you look a little deeper.

1. We charge, depending upon how much money we think you have, between $100 and $300 for a typical larger suburban landscape for a solid natural cut edge once a year. To install FLE’s into that yard would cost over $1,500 or 3 to 6 seasons of paying someone like us to edge.

2. It is expensive to install FLE’s because it is so labor intense. It is so labor intensive because EarthMama don’t like it – anyhow, what this MEANS is that when it inevitably pops out of the ground, sinks into the ground, shatters from freezing, is destroyed by mowers or crumbles from it’s self loathing it is VERY expensive to fix. It requires redigging all of the trenches where it moved. Worse, when you do that, it is like interupting a song with a random new sound – meaning, it is even more tricky to get the flow of the lines back in order – assuming it was installed with some degree of love. SO, 3 seasons from now when you THOUGHT you were going to start feeling some return on your investment you have to reinvest, often close to 30% of the initial investment, just to make it functional and ’sharp and clean’ looking again. Anyone who knows about this stuff in climates that freeze (or as I said, I think FLE’s should be turned into signs warning future generations about them) knows what I am saying is true. If, by some rare possibility FLE’s did save you money, it is utterly nominal.

c. It stops weeds from going from your lawn into your bed because we dig it 10″ down

InDiLogiC: If you hear this, say you have shat yourself and run in the other direction. Nothing is going to stop weeds from getting into your beds….because A. They are stronger than your landscape plants and B. EarthMama wants them there. She is Intelligent. There is a reason She wants them there – for You. For Your well being. Listen. Help spread some intelligence fertilizer on the asphalt covered fields of the current mental collective so we can grow ourselves some Brilliant Beings.
I hope I have given a convincing arguement as to why we should all make an effort to make sure our friends and family don’t get ripped off – spending hard earned money on ugly, impractical things they are told they need. By doing so we not only save money, create less substance pollution we also decrease the over abundance of Taste Pollution. If you are offended by this and you love FLE’s and derive fabulous satisfaction from them I in no way am intending to bully you into not enjoying what you love. Enjoy. You are far more loving and accepting than I.
IndiOut
ps – people actually paid to have these things done to their property…hence my use of the word ‘crime.