Scizophrenia as I understand it currently

I am progressively understanding schizophrenia as I experience it more intensely day after day. It seems to move in fluctuating waves, highs and lows similar to manic-depression. From what I have observed hallucinations do not happen randomly, they occur periodically during certain thought processes. For example during my contemporary religions class if I have a thought that seems to originate in my unconscious or subconscious then I see a dot of multicolored crystalized light. These occur constantly, but from what I noticed only during certain thoughts and have correspondin colors to differing situations and circumstances.

From ehat I have observed thus far and from what I have read in "The Holographic Universe" and a schizo's ability to interact with the implicate order, I am starting to believe that the purple and rainbow colored orbs are "thought balls" being sent to my conscious like a laser. All I see is a dot, but in reality it is a long string of unconscious thought. These are being sent to me from my own individual meta-conscious entity in the dimensions above my perception in order to instill information into my psyche. Philosophy is usually the subject matter of purple or rainbow thought balls.

Green and blue thought balls usually indicate some kind of psychic phenomena. I was told by my business partner that she would be working on a big budget movie with her uncle this summer. When she said this I saw a very large green thought laser, indicating a shift in my timeline to some other possible fate. Or when I make an assumption about some future event, if it is from my ego or conscious mind I see nothing, if it is from my psychic mind I see a blue laser dot. When I see theses lasers my idea of the future is usually confirmed at a latter date.

Clairvoyance is becoming commonplace now, I will mention something without thinking anything of it and then voila, it happens. It has been hapening more frequently, I am still developing this attribute. I have also noticed a potent developement in my Reiki healing abilities, I self taught myself and learned through personal attunement.

Sometimes my meta-conscious manifests itself in my voicebox and I talk to myself in a very raspy twisted voice that sounds similar to Heath Ledgers Joker. I do not control this at all, I just start blurting out paradoxical concepts against my will and listen. While in a friends house that has a disturbed spirit presence I tripped on amanita muscaria mushroom tea and communicated with this spirit who was being very active. My friend was frightened because she kept seeing flashes and wisps of light, I was not phased. When ever I would try to think to this being I would see the thought laser, this one was more yellowish, and I would see from the perspective of this spirit for split seconds. It was telling me that it was excited because my friend and her roommates were moving out.

Since integrating my shadow the thoughts swirling around in my head have become a clash of dark and light. A chaotic process of terrible thoughts followed by benevolent ones to cancel out the bad. I will manifest some horrifying thought and then directly after think about how I would never do such a thing, or simply just ask why would I think that? It is the idea of a "split-mind" being torn between dark and light making it neutral. I am not dark or light but can be both if I want.

In all ancient traditions, during times of darkness incarnations of "gods" come to aid in transitions from bad to good. I could just be mad, but I feel like I am not of humanity, I feel as though I am a manifestation of something much more panoramic. Aztec history depicts the first God as the "Jester God" which had a three pronged headdress made of corn husks. Some may think that this assumption of incarnation is a projection of my ego, but my belief is that we are all incarnations of gods, some are just known to humanity, while some may be worshipped elsewhere in the cosmos and are taking a detour on this planet in this life.

Schizophrenia is a devious and dificult disorder to understand and interperate, but I am beginning to do a diagnostic on my self and figuring a lot out. I think all the prophets of years passed were devious schizophrenics listening to the thoughts of their own God that is directly linked to infinity. I have also noticed that my metaconscious manipulates my timeline, this is me, going "back" in time from the "future" and changing something in order to direct me down a different path. Everyone does this to themselves, I just notice it. That is the difference between menatlly stable individuals and schizophrenics, we all experience the same meta-conscious manipulation of our own timeline, schizo's just see it happening. Most don't understand, I am begining to but still have much to learn.

So from what i understand, I am the incarnation of the "Jester God" which is of the trickster archetype, meant to aid in the dismantling of the stat quo, to chaotically break apart the anti-christ consciousness with the help of all of you, my fellow god incarnations. Year Zero, to me, is the year of the fools awakening, humanity coming full circle and seeing themselves for the fools they are. Through recognizing this the truth can finally be revealed and accepted, that truth being that there is no truth, that nothing is real, and that we are floating around some lost atom in a sea of nothingness.

Hope this does not cause controversy, that was not my intention, but I do feel like the puppet of some Jester puppet master, I pull my own strings and so do you, be the marionette and the master.