Love the Lord Thy God With all Thy Heart, and With All Thy Soul, and With All Thy Mind, and With All Thy Strength > Death Fetish
posted by Kit Carruthers | June 24, 2010
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Icerocket(Originally posted at Intelligent Reconstruction)
I have a death fetish. I can't get off to much else. I really want to be raped and murdered by a sexy assassin who may or may not have razor blades in her possession. I first noticed this when I was too young to know what sex is. I was two... I was in my crib playing with some sort of mini transformer robot fantasizing about the transformer robot crushing a city. I thought to myself "What if it crushed me?" and it filled me with warmth like I've never experienced. I eventually came to the idea that I may have been possessed by a demon or something and I should probably keep this to myself.
You have a death fetish too, or at least a fixation, not everybody necessarily took it to fetish, but you may not know it yet. Depends how young and with how much intensity you phased it.
It's okay. You're normal.
I remember once I was reading an article about all the weird fetishes you find on the internet, and this person found somebody talking about his death fetish and he was like "WHAT!? How could somebody possibly have a fetish for BEING KILLED? Freak." like it was the most outrageous fetish in the article and I was like oh shit god damn I'm a lunatic. There isn't enough good death porn on the internet... Which is strange...
After enough research it has come to my attention that everybody has a repressed death fetish. Or at least a repressed fixation on death. That's right everybody. The masculine lover wishes to be killed by his lover and the feminine lover wishes to kill her lover and kill herself. And everybody represses it because they think they're weird. Everybody has a secret they're not telling anybody and they're all very frightened of themselves.
I was talking with my soul mate about hardcore BDSM... I eventually told her I really really want to be killed by my lover, and she says that's interesting she really really wants to kill her lover and kill herself. This really got me thinking... Later on I was talking to a friend, and he said the same thing... He wants to be killed by his lover. I asked a few more people... It's a bit of an awkward conversation, but I am on a mission. I eventually came to the conclusion that yes, everybody has a death fetish in some form or another. Some people are less into it than others, obviously... They repressed it younger and didn't have quite as many emotional issues that may lead to preferring to be tied up, raped and beaten by one's lover before she kills them.
What the death fetish means, is that we are programmed from birth to be fixated with death. We are all programmed to become sexually attracted to death. It is very mysterious. What it suggests, to me, is that there is undoubtedly life after death... We are being given a sign... We are being instructed to fixate on the concept.
Comments
To be accurate, we do not
— Jun 25, 2010
To be accurate, we do not have a death fetish... What the ordinary human has is a fetish with immortality which creates the fixation which you speak of at the end. This is what represses most intensely the first moment of awareness... the first moment of ego consciousness. That first moment is known as this and that... it is the separation from the uroboric awareness that is the free flow of the universe. This separation is when we realize that we will die.... and within seconds we push this awareness away and into a form of the story you share above. We tell our selves all sorts of stories... Stories built on stories which are like delusions built on delusions... often, and I really mean always, this sublimation becomes sexual...And it is violent and abusive. Its characteristic is currently dominated by the dominator religions which then set the ordinary human being up for the salvationist paradigm... The deepest trap... which is, by the way, a method of controlling the wild side of our pure awareness into repressing our awareness about death.... this spirals up with 4 stages which ultimately in the forth stage requires the ordinary human's complete submission to the ultimate battle which is armagedon... It has no other end. IT is repeated everywhere and has been thus done for thousands of years. How do you think you get all those fanatics to waste their life on the powerful who control the story.... even as they are controled by the story...The story is the trap. The obsession is a fleeting glympse that we have at the ultimate infinte indescribable force with our awareness and what you write above is the pathology to escape from it. Don't worry, its not natural... it is however completely accepted... It is not understood as the foreign installation of the dominator and the preditory nature of the supreme delusion some call god.
But that is the ordinary person. The spiritual warrior knows and accepts that that moment, through recapitulation, as an injection of a virus into his or her being and freedom to be aware. It is actually anti-life and anti-freedom... and especially anti-aware of the much greater beauty of wild randomness... For the story maintains the pattern, and the pattern never alters until the rat dies... well not for the warrior of freedom. For the warrior of freedom, we look directly at that moment of "existential horror" as many call it and we live life by it.. We live because of it. We turn our face away from the delusion of promisses of immortality and we make death an advisor. We save our fear as awareness and we allow it to flow over us, through us realizing in the next moment that we still remain. That awareness still remains, even without the stories and pathologies you resonate with here.
When we face that we will die, often are dying, we clean up, we live a life in the flow with the infinite. We stand at the front of the train, hand on the controls, rather in the back of the train subject to a conductor we shall never see. We face forward and look forward to that moment of death, and every moment in between. We stare long and hard at all of our actions, words and deeds and we live life with a level of random freedom and dancing that makes the controling religions freak out when it is seen for it's truth. They cannot control it.... nor feed off of it.
We do not stop with death as an advisor, nor with fear. We move to know the clarity of our purpose as living beings and as pure energy. But clarity brings it's own trap. The trap that we think we will always see everything... no the universe is more interesting than that. More random, more exciting than any of our assumptions make it so. This battle for the spiritual warrior breeds discipline. We look deep at all our patterns all our wasted energies, sexual or not... sex is but pure energy for creation... not the twist of the fetish of running away or playing the delusionary game. And we turn those stories, with clarity into knowledge, allowing for the astonishment of a new day to constantly surprise us.
Knowledge then brings us into deep awareness of the infinite mystery with which the universe organizes itself. We commit as spiritual warriors to unravel that mystery knowing damn well that it will never fully be comprehended. This knowledge does not defeat the spiritual warrior, it strengths resolve. It give the warrior something to do, to constantly be co-creating with. Knowlege is everywhere available and free to us. We wander/swim in the knowledge. The spiritual warrior is not reckless, he/she is fully aware that anyone,everyone, all beings, plants animals, inorganic beings and infinite universes are all unraveling this with their own form of awareness. Thus the warrior's humility in the face of knowledge is tha absolute equality of all beings in the universe. And this defeats the foreign installation, the preditors, and especially the escapist fetishes you so clearly state here. A warrior's humility is the utter equality of it all.
But that is not all... by far, not at all.... We continue to recapitulate, we continue to be warriors of awareness... because their is a constant barage of enticements that would lure us back down the train to the caboose. So many experiences can lead to our untimely and intimatepre- death at the hands of those stories of immortality and distraction. It amazes me now how easily we are lured back. The ultimate battle for the spiritual warrior is not knowledge... but old age. Of not giving up in the face of the rolling force which bombards us every day to lay down and give up. Death becomes what the first moment of life was... just a doorway timed perfectly for the ultimate liberation.
Do not think that I am being dark or pessimistic with this. Just be aware that there are many of us who know full well what you speak of, because we sit daily at the helm of our lives and know with full lucidity the absolute truth, the unbaring light and deep mysterious dark of the form and the formless... and because we do, we will dart past that inevitability which is latent here in true freedom never to return again... and laugh, always laugh... it is the ultimate sound that pulses through the universe......
Listen, you may catch the wave. And be free.
Peace and Creation
interesting. i still think
— Jun 25, 2010
interesting.
i still think the two of you are repressing a death fetish.
Can't let go of the
— Jun 25, 2010
I think that speaking for
— Jun 26, 2010
I think that speaking for others makes one sound juvenile. Speak for yourself please. “An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come.”-Victor Hugo
