4 Radical Tips for [Finding and Keeping] Happiness

We often think of evolution writ large, as a sweeping movement across species and worlds – and so it is; but for me, my own evolution is personal, it's something I can only experience in the quality of my relation to Life, to others, and to my self. It's a spiritual evolution on every scale, writ as large as the entire planet, or as small as, well...as small as I Am.

From inside my human suit, that evolutionary state has a lot to do with how I feel about things – like here's a good question: Am I happy? Not quite the kind of "happy" that comes from a hot date, a new Prius, or a fat promotion, but the kind of happy that constitutes a more personal definition of success. That lasting inner kind of happiness that might always be with me right here and now.

So without further ado, to help aid in your sense of evolutionary success, here are my four Radical Tips for Happiness (finding it and keeping it):

1. Radical Gratitude (finding)

When you think about the parts of Life that have made you really happy, those wonderful periods of enduring, effervescent joy, they always begin with being really grateful for something first. Like: Boy, it sure was amazing that I ran into her, and she said yes to going out with me. Or: I sure am lucky they had that one last Prius in my favorite color. Or: I can't hardly believe that I've got the job of my dreams. Likewise when we've narrowly avoided something terrible, or survived something that would have made happiness impossible to achieve, like: Whew! – I'm so glad that's over, because now I can be happy again. (That's how I learned a lot of this stuff – by having traveled "The Road Best Never Taken" a few too many times...)

The happiness we experience is always preceded by, and framed by the gift of gratitude – that marvel of our great fortune, of how good Life has been to us; of how good Life can be.
There's the opening tip: If you want to find happiness, just become grateful first. It's a guaranteed way to start, because it's a gift we can receive at any time. We always have something to be grateful for: We're alive! We can breathe this air and know the miracle of this Earth, and everything there is here for us to experience.

Become open-heartedly grateful for the achievements of others, too! Envy and such are the major obstacles to happiness, so (as we say in Brooklyn) fuggetaboudit – learn to appreciate, and share in the happiness of others.

Go there and get that Radical Gratitude first...and I guarantee you that in fairly short order you will become happy (...about something!)

"Gratitude is Heaven itself."
William Blake

2. Radical Kindness (finding)

Happiness is an attitude, and this tip is an attitude transformer that I suggested back around the holidays, in the form of a challenge: To every person that you encounter, in every circumstance you find yourself in during an entire day (or two), be as absolutely kind and loving to everyone as you can muster, without acting like a boob. No sarcasm, patronizing, etc. Negativity of any kind is resisting kindness. Be sincere. Look people in the eye, smile sincerely, and be really friendly to them – and watch what happens... Your world will come to life in a conspiracy of kindness where you'll receive special treatment, camaraderie and joy everywhere you go – often when you'd least expect it.

All you have to do is simply return the favor. Be pleasant and polite, be magnanimous and generous, be tolerant and interested, be honest and real, and the world will activate in magical ways. It's the single most effective way to synchronize your life to happiness – to make your life easier and much more fun.

"None of the means employed...has a sixteenth part of the value of loving-kindness. Loving-kindness, which is freedom of the heart, absorbs them all; it glows, it shines, it blazes forth."
The Buddha

3. Radical Forgiveness (keeping)

Whenever anyone does anything to you (or you perceive as) offensive or damaging – from stepping in front of you on a train platform to stealing your wife; stiffing you on a job, or sticking you with the check; from "deeply disappointing you" to "ruining your life" – as best as you possibly can, forgive them as immediately and completely as possible.

Everyone is fighting the same battles, and many people are doing it with much crazier voices in their head [than I've got]. Be grateful immediately. Some people are barely conscious in this life, and for them it all might seem like a relentlessly painful effort. Everyone needs acceptance and tolerance, especially them – and you – right now.

Keep in mind that when someone is doing something that seems hurtful to you, it's actually a form of hurting themselves. As we're all part of the same thing, they're exercising a kind of self-disappointment – you just happen to be in the line of fire. If you invest it with [negative] energy, the experience will only gain power, and burden you with painful thoughts and residual emotions that obstruct you from happiness. See the experience as an opportunity to transcend the petty destructive and unconscious tendencies that human beings unwittingly indulge themselves in – usually in an effort to enhance themselves and feel better about who they are.

Take the opportunity to exercise Compassion – which is the real juice that facillitates life's natural ease and elegance (...we like elegance). Then you'll find yourself in a place to rehabilitate someone (especially yourself), and you can see that the "injury" can actually provide you with awareness, self-worth, and the incomparable power of Love. Offenses shouldn't be forgotten, they should be put to use.

Forgiveness comes from Compassion, which is freedom...and freedom is happiness (and vice versa), and so there you go...

"Forgiveness is an answer, the divine answer, to the question implied in our existence. An answer is an answer only for [those who ask, for those who are] aware of the question."
Paul Tilich

4. Radical Surrender (keeping)

This last Radical Tip for Happiness is indispensable for staying as happy as possible in the face of the harshest realities of Life; and in fact, Radical Surrender is so effective for those hard times, that it's extraordinarily effective for maintaining happiness all the time. I'm not talking about surrender in the sense of "giving up" or "resigning your fate" in a pejorative sense, but of surrender as a strategy for success and happiness. Surrender in the sense of joining up with the winning side, like this:

Although we all like to feel like we're the "master of our own fate," the truth is we're not. We can focus our efforts, and work to manifest our goals, but still Life carries us along in it's very unpredictable stream – which in retrospect has it's own shape; it's own script, so to speak.

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
Soren Kierkegaard

If we relate it in that familiar way to a river, you know how difficult it is to swim upstream. It takes all your energy and focus. You don't see anything but the effort, the struggle. That resistance can energize negativity, which creates resistance, negativity, etc. – and there ain't no lasting happiness there, maybe just an occasional break in the struggle.

When you turn around and go downstream you can relax and enjoy the ride and all the scenery. Just stay afloat, and stop and explore when you want to. Carry this sense of being carried inside of you, through good times and bad times, and that way you'll energize the entire stream of Life in a more positive, less resistant way, open to all it's lessons with resilience and teachability. You'll get right to where Life's taking you.

After all, when you look back at the hardest times in your life, they're over, aren't they? And you are still here, and always enriched by the experience, good or bad. None of the worrying and fighting really made anything easier or better – only maintaining your integrity and direction did that. The value of this approach is confirmed by the fact that when things are going well, we all know it's real easy to "go with the flow" (...as the hipsters used to say).

Naturally, you'll never want to go through something difficult like that again, but having surrendered your willful resistance, you'll already be on the other side of any trouble; on the "winning side." Of course, you can't do it alone, so it requires surrender in the sense of accepting the company and care of others as well – that makes for more happiness.

Sorry this was so long, but you know, happiness isn't always easy to come by...

"Yeshua said: Blessed are those who have undergone ordeals. They have entered into life."
Logion 58, The Gospel of Thomas