What i love most is...

sitting in silence. Or the idea of sitting in silence. Needing nothing, just transmitting & embodying luscious energy & light.

Lately, for a long while now -maybe for as long as I can remember, I have felt partially detached from many sources of pleasure.

I can be having a deeply engaging conversation with someone meaningful to me ~ & there's still a part of me that's detached.

I can be dancing, listening to music, enjoying food, drinking with friends - & there's still a part of me that's detached.

The deepest instances of surrender I've had in the past few years - where I've lost this feeling of being detached - have included feeling utterly relaxed at a russian sauna, a couple of times while making love, & the occasional peak of feeling cozy with family.

I've had beautiful deep experiences with yoga & dance, but that's been more about creating a nice continuum between self awareness & somatic experience. It's been a lot about coping & assimilating the rush of energy... only sometimes, certainly not always, about feeling completely at peace & connected.

My dreams for this coming year center largely on travel & adventure combined with creative expression (& sunlight!) However, the milk, the essence of what I want my life to be flooded with is ~ connection. A felt, somatic, full feeling of connection with life, friends, family, all kinds of people ~ all there is.

A fullness of connection that must be essentially energetic. Beyond the divisions of mental concepts & differences of opinion. Heart-based. I want to reside fully centered & grounded in the flow of energy that connects us all.

I suppose I want this to overwhelm my sense of detachment & separateness.

Qi - blissful Qi - Qi Qi Qi, Qi & more Qi - sustainable, constant, radiant.

In thinking about my creative endeavors, about all my interests, I think ~ at the end of the day, it's all about abiding in & with more Qi.

All symbology, words, form, meaning - are fingers pointing at the moon. To get us back to the moon! So much music, art, meaning, movies ~ are genuinely helpful crutches to help us cope. Art, even ceremony, is *wonderful* - but it's not an end in itself.

The end is connection. The end, the beginning, the constant, the sustainable - that which is coursing through family & friends, through nature, through life, through death is - Qi. Quantum energy. The energy of life. Beingness. The shining Void. Connection. That which connects.

What I want is the equivalent of lots of Qi gong - I want the fulfillment of a Qi master, in all levels. Though I also have a mind for colors, forms, details, etc... that begs to be engaged in this life process too. (ie: through art, articulation)

So deepest essence of what I want is lots of good connection, & wonderful vital sustaining energy. And also creative expression, using my talents, etc - but in a way that facilitates more & ever more of this deep connection.

I want my life to contain lots of quiet, wonderful juiciness. Saturated in, savoring this connection...

This is life, this is my life journey. This is our life journey as we are all connected.

Aho! And amen.