Thus Tolls the Division Bell, and I Wish
posted by Meg Rivers | June 11, 2010
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IcerocketI do wish he was here. I wish so many things. I wish this life was not so often heavy and complicated, that I could be present every moment in grace. I am not hot or cold. I do not have poison ivy. I am not in physical discomfort.
I wish that I was loved for who I am instead of who I was, I wish I was who I will be. Will I ever really be that person? I had it in my grasp once, before steel cages drilled into skulls, before red-carpeted elevators and white tile floors. Is it possible to go back? Would I want to? Am I a better person than I used to be?
I wish he read the things I write. His disinterest is painful. Yes, I find myself disinterested in the stories he cares for but they are not of him, they are someone else. I want to hear YOUR story, to make new ones. I don’t give a fuck about what happened in medieval Japan, or what happens there now. I am living through wars and fighting battles in THIS time. How much it hurts to watch someone care passionately about emotions on a screen, but so little for those in my life.
I wish there was a way to ensure that Pink Floyd would never find its way into my Pandora. I wish the acid and The Wall had not come together. I wish that Goodbye Blue Sky be permanently stricken from my memory.
I wish that Geraldo Azevedo’s Berekeke would ever be played to me by someone else. I wish you were here.
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in a war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here
Comments
i love you
— Jun 11, 2010
Dearest Meg
whatever I read from you I am so touched - you are so straight, honest, loving, caring, REAL - you make me smile and touch my heart, time and time again.
"Coincidentally" I had the exact same sound track going with a very significant ex of mine, one who also refused to get into what I really was at the time, who even laughed at parts of what I did - not a nice, enlightening laugh, but a scared, disrespectful one... Still, we had so much fun, and on other levels we were so close... Letting him go was one of the toughest things I've ever done - he was so deep in me and I in him... But it was worth it to let him go, cause now I have my husband with whom I have reached depths of intimacy which I could not imagine possible at that time.
If the "he" who you are talking about is not interested in who you are now, and now, and now ... then let him go. CRY, rip your hair, scratch your fingers bloody against the wall in the process if you need to - but let him go... Truly and fully. If he is the right one, letting him go can free you both and let you transform, then he might come back. In any case - around the corner is another light for you - I can see it... =)
Walk through that door with roses around it - the thorns might rip your skin, but the smell and touch of the flowers will heal your soul. Don't swim around the same fish bowl any more - let yourself go and you will find yourself in the ocean of life on the other side of transformation - you know exactly what I mean, maybe even better than I do myself.
I love you, sincerely - not only on a spiritual, unconditional level, but also on an emotional level. Don't worry, I'm married ;)
BIG WARM HUG!
the bell
— Jun 12, 2010
im astounded meg, that you chose the devision bell to be the name of this post.
it is hands down my favorite pink floyd album (and i know them all), because it still arises questions in my mind of separation, and of the beauty that can be found in times of struggle.
It is often said that the best writers are those whose hearts have been broken, and i think this is because times of emotional turmoil can bring out the most authentic truth in people.
so while you're dealing with this hardship, let it wash over you naturally like susan put it so wonderfully, but also remember that even experience that appears negative is also one of the best chances to learn and grow. and this growth is what produces the authenticity that some of the world's best art is inspired by.
after all, what is art, other than a reflection of truth?
love you meg!
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” -Albert Einstein
how is it
— Jun 12, 2010
that your thoughts ever so perfectly reflect mine? All the time. Pink Floyd is ever on my mind. Though without acid The Wall would never have been created and The Berlin Wall might never have come down. I give Roger Waters a lot of credit for his energetic help in destroying it. However, you have a rather vast and complex mind so your meaning could be something else entirely.
Keep writing your heart out and mine will follow. I love you not so Microscopic Meg.
In Lak'ech Ala K'in
your mind likes to go
— Jun 13, 2010
ever exploring and that's why I like you. I am in a town where everyone I used to hang out with seems stuck in one spot in their minds and it has driven a wedge between us. it's wierd how people just stop. they just say that this bit of knowledge I have in my head is enough and...stop. And then they close off and the flower dies. Not really, but you know, it could die if it's not watered. They drink a lot too. Not a lot like alcholics or anything, but honestly it isn't a good drug and a drug it is. it puts you to sleepie land if you take too much and it is pretty much a poison to the system. I mean, if you take too much lsd it's not going to kill you. if you take too many mushrooms you won't die either, but hopefully you can handle what it does to your mind.
anyway, stagnancy of the mind creates a problem and it is a problem. I guess I see things in people that they need to work on that could help them move forward in life and they can't see them cuz they are half asleep in frog pajamas, myself included. I say myself because we are all a reflection of each other and this stuckness with friends creates stuckness within myself. It's hard to get them to do things and kitty gets sad. it's wierd to be so surrounded with people who just go around ignoring each other. isn't that odd in society? It drives me a bit insane quite honestly. And isn't it odd that your big brains have led to this? I'm on mushrooms right now and they like to communicate and I like to communicate, but everyone around me is hermetically sealed or something. so strange.
also, why do garden snails like plastic so much? they cling onto the sides of the plastic buckets outside and onto the yucky siding of my apt and I can't figure out why. snails are the wierdest creatures alive. what are you thoughts on them miss meg, even if they are completely imaginary, I have to get to the bottom of this phenomenon just outside my door.
In Lak'ech Ala K'in
Thanks for the Floyd
— Jun 15, 2010
Keep pumping those thoughts out Meg. What would happen if we all dreamed of heaven at once?
peAce
:)
