Judge Not The Drive-by Critic
posted by Rick Hurst | April 16, 2011
- Login or register to post comments
- Print this page
Delicious
Digg
StumbleUpon
Propeller
Reddit
Magnoliacom
Newsvine
Furl
Facebook
Google
Yahoo
Technorati
IcerocketDid you ever notice that some people just love to criticize. Now don't get me wrong, it is important to point out fault in another, at the right time and in a right way. This is a part of love. Would you not tell your friend who's going to a job interview that his fly was open and that he had bad breath? A part of being a loving friend is to tell the truth that others may not want to hear, but need to hear. A real friend will thank you for it.
But criticism can come in two ways. One, as mentioned above, can come from love and genuine concern. The other, can come from the need to knock a person down. I call this drive-by criticism. This kind of criticism has no love in it. It is not designed to help you in anyway, but rather has a need to hurt or put down so that the criticizer can feel superior. There is no real concern for your welfare in this case. When pressed, this criticizer shows no interest in helping you understand the criticism.
But, either way, if you remain calm and detached, you will see the truth behind all criticism. You can benefit from all criticism whether or not the person has your best interests at heart. For this reason it is possible to learn from your enemy, even if it is to see where he is coming from. But the key is in remaining objective, and in not resenting whatever is said. Sometimes, in this way, you can learn from the ill delivered criticism and drive the ill motivated criticizer up a wall as he watches you get better in spite of his intent. But again, in any case, do not resist angrily anything anyone tells you, and you will always be better for the experience, whether what they say is true or not, and in spite of their intentions. Try it...you'll like it.
Comments
Agreement
— Apr 16, 2011
One most often finds, that those that judge us, are most often looking into the mirror of their own perceptions.
If we look closely at this, one must ask what is the person using as a gauge to form an opinion about us?
Just that, it is their personal opinion, based on who they are, and where they come from. If one were from a farm in rural Iowa, how valid would their opinion be when judging what to wear to a club in New York city?
As you clearly point out, criticism is another fine tool in which we learn to stay calm, and control our emotions.
Yes and...
— Apr 16, 2011
personal opinion is often based in emotion. If it outrages you, then it is wrong. If not, its OK. The problem here is that emotion is generally set by culture. In Borneo it is OK to eat your enemy but if you eat your neighbor's grandmother you will die. The problem is the seeming lack of a common standard of reference for all. There is one of course, but mankind overall is not yet ready for it.
Hmmm
— Apr 16, 2011
Last week I was helping someone or at least my intention was to help them. My intention was genuine and the situation was dire. This person more then likely has their life at risk. He will die if they continue to proceed as he is. Very serious business helping those that might die, in these instances truth is essential.
This person had stated they were a Pagan and was objecting to being compelled to Pray. An action this person consider "very" objectionable. I shared that I had felt the same many years earlier. (Again remember this person might die.) I suggested he ignore the compulsion but pray anyway while focusing on himself rather then change the status quo of the group. Nope, this was unacceptable to him.
At this point I mentioned that when I was in his position I had Hellenistic experiences and attempted to share them with him. At one point I suggested he avoid Bacchus for the time being. He went into a tirade and said I was disrespecting his believes. This was furthest from the truth.
These might sound like minor events, they are not.
My manner had been respectful. the material well presented and backed up with years of experience. Perhaps a better approach might be begun with, "Look, you moron .........!" It is possible that in time he will become "teachable" but if he does not then he will push away those that might save his life. In the end I had to cut him loose, remove him from my friends list. I had in all good intentions truly attempted to help him but he did not want my help so I will move on to the next and the next and the next. I have had hundreds of these experiences and have known of the deaths of some.
The best one can possibly do is suggest. The interpretation of those suggestions cannot be predicted nor can an outcome be determined. We merely attempt to help. There is no guarantee we will succeed with any suggestion or its counterpart helpful criticism.
The moral of the story is:
You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, even when his ass is on the line.
It is perhaps better we do not have the
— Apr 17, 2011
ability to make the changes we want, despite our best intention. :)
I only suggest, you may do as you wish.
Envy
— Apr 18, 2011
I have also seen that criticism is simply because of envious act toward others. But this kind of attitude can also be treated if the bearer is willing to change her/his heart. I wanna share this link, http://www.inspire.tv/Movie/healing-the-human-heart/125451 that can help someone about this topic.
