Epstin - One Week Later...

I started taking Epstin one week ago today. One major thing that I have noticed, is that I am now taking my time, moving more slowly through life. I have not felt as rushed or hurried in the past few days, particularly.

I have also noticed that my dreams seem to be more intense, and I have been waking up remembering more of what I dreamed. I had an incredibly realistic dream the other night about some kind of meteor/comet striking the Earth on September 30, 2009. The news was playing up the drama, in the way they do most things, with huge fiery letters proclaiming "Toledo Torpedo," and something to do with Toronto. I don't know why, but I felt it was very significant when I woke up.

I have still been feeling some pain, intermittently, and I have still been tired. I feel as though I am more in flow with it, however. Maybe part of the problem has been my resistance to what I have been experiencing....I mean, logically, the more you resist something actively, the more tired you become, right?

Along this line of thinking (and now the quote, "Resistance is futile," is in my head), maybe the best thing to do would be to accept this and try to figure out what this experience is teaching me.

The idea of slowing down seems to be a pretty obvious point. "Stop and smell the roses," etc. I have spent so many years rushing to do things for everyone around me, and while helping others is certainly commendable, it should not be done to the detriment of oneself.

After all, if I want to be an instrument of God's love, I must make sure that I am not going to break down anytime soon. And loving myself does not mean that I am going to be loving others any less...in fact, it is an expression of love for others, as well as myself, that I want to be the best conduit for light that I can be....

And, yes, I have had to work to convince myself that taking time to care for myself is necessary and good. I'd always thought of the idea as selfish. Now I see that what I was doing was somewhat self-destructive. I couldn't really enjoy helping others as much because I was always so anxious and fatigued!

And I have become aware (largely through the people I am closest to) that my behavior was causing distress to those I love, who could not bear to see me push myself to the limits in a negative way.

I have begun to feel more comfortable taking time to do things for myself. And living more in the moment has helped my 8-hour workday feel more like 3 hours. I don't look at the clock as much as I used to, and I have decided to find humor in my current situation, rather than rail against it.

I hope you all have an amazing day! :)