I thought I was over this already!!!

I'm sure you've all been there.

You thought you were over something - had put whatever the issue was behind you - and then: 'Hello!' It's still there.

Oh, it becomes smaller and more devious. Issues like to tuck themselves very deeply into the corners of our emotional closets. You shine a light in there and do some spring/fall cleaning every once in a while. You think you've gotten every last cobweb...

But, no.

You see, what I have realized (and forgotten, and realized again) is that I must be continuously vigilant.

I used to have pretty severe OCD. For example, I had to stop wearing a watch - cold turkey - because I would literally look at it every few seconds. I had an assortment of routines - from showering to cleaning things, etc. - and at the time, they helped me feel more in control.

It took the observation and advice of some of my closest friends to help me see that the control issues were actually taking away my power, not adding to it. I had become a slave to the routines.

Over the years, I have taken measures to deal with my anxiety in more healthy ways - breathing, visualization, and spending time outside are just some of the tools I have used to help cope with anxiety. They have helped me to shed most of the OCD tendencies I have. I am working to be free from all of them.

I have been going through a lot of tough transition over the past few months. Transition, of course, is the force that shakes up everything in one's life...and while you wait for everything to settle once more, you get to see all of the detritus that you thought had disappeared...just floating around in smaller, less intimidating pieces.

Maybe one solution could be to not allow things to settle. When water is not flowing, it can become stagnant. It seems as though life behaves in a similar fashion.

I suppose that because my life has been shaken up so much in the past two to three months, it has been making me feel out of control. My anxiety has increased, and I have been mainly feeling it in spurts - like huge waves that crest and fall - and then it smooths out again.

Thankfully, I have not suffered panic attacks - something that I used to deal with on a daily basis when I was in college.

I have been taking Epstin for a little over two weeks now. During this two week period, I have been slowing down more...paying more attention to detail, and generally living more in the moment than I have since I was very young.

I have still been experiencing pain and fatigue. From what I have read online, mild - leading up to moderate - exercise can help with that over time. I suppose I have to re-build my stamina.

I really want to start exercising again, and I intend to start doing SOMETHING along those lines during this coming week. I think this evening, after work, I'll take my dog for a LONG walk. (She needs it almost as much, if not more, than I do!)

I have felt for quite a while now that yoga is a potential solution for me. And in addition to all of the other wonderful health benefits, I feel that yoga can help me to be a better conduit for Reiki - to the benefit of myself and others.

This period of time and trial in my life has certainly been driving the message home that I have not been taking care of myself. I intend to take better care of myself, one moment at a time.

And so it is.

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Have a stupendous day, everyone! ;)