Stuck In the Quicksand of my Mind
posted by Anthony Scarpulla | November 22, 2010
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IcerocketFor the past few months, I have been on a voracious hunt to expand my consciousness, not solely in the terms of using psychedelics to obtain this state, but through the constant discovery of new realms of knowledge that just 6 months ago I had never even known existed, nor had I ever stopped to think about the possibility of any of these domains of thought existing. Several psilocybin trips and one acid trip acted as the catalyst to jump start my shift in consciousness, and offered me a sobering shift in what I thought was reality. They removed the blinders from my castrated consciousness, forever.
I have since become transfixed by the works of Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Stanislav Grof, George Gurdjief, P.D Ouspensky, D.T Suziki, Daniel Pinchbeck and many others.The human consciousness, meditation, psychedelics,chakras, Buddhism, shamanism, 2012, and many other areas of knowledge have all entranced my mind. I used to come back from class (I'm a sophomore at the University of Miami) and mindlessly fuck around with things like Facebook and my fantasy football team, or spend countless hours scouring over the dozens of indie music blogs I used to constantly frequent. Now , I just read, whether it be books by the authors mentioned above or on consciousness expanding blogs such as this. My consciousness is expanding, I know it, but I can't totally feel it on a physical level. I feel as if I'm stuck in this cycle of devouring and empowering my mind, yet I somehow can't figure out how to manifest all the things that I have learned in real life and physical reality. I meditate almost daily, but I'm stuck, and I really have no one to turn to for advice on such things since all of my "friends" that I associate with are too busy being distracted by the all worthless things that used to once encapsulate my attention. All I have are books, and the refreshingly like-minded people on blogs like this.
All this new found knowledge I have devoured is dangling overhead, completely within reach ,yet I feel as if I cannot completely actualize it. Its not as if I'm using all this knowledge to boost my ego , or to bind myself into spiritual materialism. I know that these books are all meant to help guide you to the way, and are by no means the way itself , but I just need a little advice as to how actualize this knowledge and to apply it to my life. Please feel free to give me any advice in the comments below, since I am sure that anything you guys have experienced can definitely help me.
Peace, Love and all of the above,
Anthony Scarpulla
Comments
some practical advice
— Nov 22, 2010
-Bring up conversations with your friends about your newly discovered interests. Some will be more interested than you think, believe me. One discussion is all some people need for a catalyst for further growth. Hell, even do it when they're wasted if need be (since it is college after all). I once had a conversation with a girl a couple years ago for about 2 hours on 2012, she was extremely fascinated. Don't close yourself off to your "old friends," they might be feeling similar things as you but also don't know how to actualize things, or where to go.
-Buy locally grown food and/or get involved with a co-op.
-Keep a written accord of connections you notice, topics of interest, authors, etc, a timeline of growth if you will.
-Maybe get involved in yoga at the campus gym, start teaching? I'm going to start doing this soon, even though I'm a bit older than you.
-Start doing things your friends would consider weird, composting for example, once you explain to them why you're doing such a thing, perhaps they will follow suit?
-Buy less shit, make your friends notice, tell them you are working on procuring intent in everything you do, maybe they'll wonder what the hell you're talking about, that's a good thing though - it will give you the floor to explain yourself.
-Bring up topics from more "mainstream" sources, for example, the psilocybin study from Johns Hopkins (which really started my own personal journey off) was published in the Wall Street Journal a while ago. You can ask people things like, isn't it weird that this is illegal when it caused a profound positive change in peoples lives? Also, MDMA is being used to treat PTSD.
There's a couple, good luck on your journey.
"Your belief systems limit your reality to a sub-set of the solution space that does not contain the answer."
This is cool.
— Nov 23, 2010
I can relate to this, as well as many other Evolvers I'm sure. In order to make use of the new found knowledge, wisdom, and universal expression that you have stumbled upon, you must act Through It in your everyday life.
Others around you, who have or have not, realized/taken advantage of the knowledge and clear conscious that is available to them, will see this- and in turn change, in some way, becoming slightly ( even its so slight as to go unnoticed) towards a higher consciousness.. Consciousness is contagious, it will spread when people minds are exposed to it.
Continue doing what your doing and the physical and spiritual benefits will manifest over time.
Peace Be With
Naomi
from one Anthony to another
— Nov 24, 2010
hey man,
I too happen to be a sophomore in college, and underwent the exact same kind of awakening (or at least a very similar one) after a particularly profound shroom trip that I experienced last year.
Since then, actualizing that amazing shift in consciousness has been basically my main goal in life, and as you obviously know, sometimes its really fuckin hard to do.
For me it was always easier to embody this new outlook when I was alone, usually as I walked to class or sat in the woods writing. WHen i'd get around groups of friends however, especially when the beers would come out, all of that would be entirely forgotten.
What I have slowly come to realize is that the key to becoming this new consciousness that you've encountered is simply to remain mindful and aware as often as you can. The meditation that you do is great, and can help you hold on to your awareness longer, but its ultimate purpose is to help you remain conscious during your everyday life.
If you can do this (or at least do it more), than your natural attraction to the past and the future will start to whither, and with that, your ego will fall into the background of your life, leaving you with a perspective not unlike that which you experienced on the shrooms.
of course, this is easier said than done, and I wont pretend for a second like ive even come close to spending a whole day, or even a whole hour in complete awareness of the moment....but i can definitely see myself improving, and so will you.
Just remember, you have an entire lifetime to improve this, and you've already completed the biggest step, which is realizing that its a good thing to do. the rest is just a matter of patience!
-anthony graffagnino
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” -Albert Einstein
reply
— Nov 24, 2010
hi,
it can be isolating when we feel we are alone and no one to share with - again - sometimes a word here or there and you may find others are interested - and at college - are there any groups where people may discuss or be in tune with similar ideas and ways of being - if so, check them out - some may resonate more than others and you may make some connections.
To feel it within - work to connect the knowing with other levels inside - to integrate the spirit, the heart and emotions, and the body with the mental plane. In college (and elsewhere) it is so easy to get caught in the mental plane and to become disembodied as well. someone above mentionned yoga - and there are many paths - i find nature is important for there is so much you learn there and not just from books.
all the best
Pace Oneself
— Nov 25, 2010
Self-realization / Spiritual Realization is a lifelong process ... possibly many lifetimes ... all throughout eternity ... with many, many plateaus, crescendo's, peaks .. cracks to fall through,crevices of all kinds and even an abyss.
Often our steadfastness through apparently "non-eventful" periods later becomes our best friend, helping one remain grounded as things begin to take off.
One may have to "carry the cross" awhile before the thrill of Ascension takes over.
On a practical note we are a collective and many of our realizations are against the grain of many of our peers and/or elders.
Patience, forbearance, tolerance ... so many fundamental qualities that almost seem to be pitted against our "spiritual" growing pains
It would be unjust to not mention the possibility of many casualties ... starting out strong, on the very momentum of our youth but then later falling victim to distraction, or even worse phantasmagoria.
Just wait a little longer...
— Nov 25, 2010
I've been "stuck" too on many occasions, having my mind full with all the knowledge, analysing all my life, making sense of the things I was reading. What I've come too realise is that the "real" understanding comes to you when you least expect it! Times when you really know what it is all about, your own cells feel it, your mind grasps it and your heart is open. They show up, it is precious when it happens, and the only thing you want is to keep that state all the time, but the lesson isn't finish just yet and so you come back to the ego based reality. But it get more frequent and easier to feel the NOW now...
Just keep your mind and your heart open, and it will came to you :)
But it is all around you,
— Dec 22, 2010
over there and there and there. In this place and that, all round you. Can you not "see" it? In that mindless gibber on the television, in your music, in your classroom, in the grocery store, in the john. The eternal, the spiritual surrounds you, is within you, is you. It is all. The problem is you are not a tuned too it, you can not perceive it. Ask the universe, the eternal, the Nagual a question then use all your scenes to wait for the answer. Listen for it, watch for it, feel for it, the answers will come. They will jump out at you. I warn you, do not ask selfish, immoral or evil questions. (A question is not a prayer.)
Meditation clears the channel to the Nagual, the spiritual. It is used to clear a cluttered mind and spirit. The gift of meditation is ....... insight. The ability to see the unknowable. Through this channel the answers come.
Buddha was thirtish before he became enlightened. Certainly the stories and myths speak of children, even infants, those far younger then yourself with "gifts" but these were and are extraordinary people. Unlike these spiritual prodigy, nearly all of us have to patiently strive in making progress. This is hard work perhaps taking a life time to achieve any progress at all. For some unfortunately, progress is never made for they can not store "Power".
Patience. Patience is a self discipline.
...................................................................
For years I have pondered a statement in the teaching of Don Juan Matus, in responding to your post I've just had an epiphany concerning it and now I understand. Thank you.
