In Contemplation, Dwell Deeply
posted by Lightfiend | March 9, 2010
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Twenty one years and where has it brought me; do all good stories end where they begin? The stillness of my mind seems to only be an invitation for more chaos. And in the midst of it all I am no longer frightened, but cold and apathetic.
The deeper I dive into the queries of my mind the more I question the fabric of this and every other existence. I feel like Descartes but on steroids, and even these thoughts I sometimes doubt as my own.
Am I on the verge of self-destruction or enlightenment? Is there even a difference anymore? Where does spiritual wisdom leave us but with a head full of more thoughts, more conditioning, and more suffering? It is a double-edged sword indeed.
As the sun peaks its way through the clouds, I pray to the only God I have ever known: myself. Narcissistic? Perhaps. Lonely? For certain.
At times I imagine this loneliness is universal and even the thread that ties us all together. It is an empowering thought indeed, this idea that we are all connected, I don't just believe it - I feel it, but with all this energy and nowhere to apply it, I am only stuck here again in my room writing on this blog.
It pains me to admit this but the times I am most happy now are not when spent with any other person, but late at night when I am gazing into the stars, alone but connected.
Things will change. They always do. Maybe one day I will find myself surrounded by the love I dream of. But for now - in this moment - I only have this mind and these thoughts. So I will contemplate, and I will contemplate deeply, until I can contemplate no more. And then life will go on.
Comments
so what is wrong with thinking??
— Mar 10, 2010
I have given up on this 'trying to negate thinking' milarky because i THINK it is phony! I think and feel it comes from Eastern dualistic philosophies which pretend to be nondualistic. They make us guilty to think, and thus recommend we 'medicate' till we dont think no more and then THAT is the goal isn't it.
FIRST tell em thers something wrong with em, and then promise a reward if they do what we tell em, and we've got em. That is how I see the scam.
So now I freel think, and feel what I think and feel. Far more real.
At some point
— Mar 10, 2010
you have to 'get out of the head & into the body'.
I wish someone had told me that at your age.
One fact that has impressed me: the second largest concentration of neurotransmitters (outside the brain) are in the gut. That's why you feel butterflies & Big-Pharma style antidepressants can make people nauseous.
Also, one of the greatest proven antidepressants is exercise.
The point is - there really may be no strict mind-body dualism. And how we utilize, or don't utilize, our body effects our mind. Again, they are really not so separate.
I personally love & embrace the view of Chinese Medicine, with its acupuncture & meridian points, notion of qi, & advice to stabilize energy by focusing energy & attention in the 'lower tan tien' or gut area.
Also yoga ~ which promotes the flow of lymph (among other things) & seems to balance energy & hormones.
When you clearly *feel* the flow of energy throughout your own being, how much more clearly will you feel connected to the stars.
Namaste all.
- Melanie D.
Disconnected Connection?
— Mar 11, 2010
It seems that you have been gifted with archaic wisdom, brother. We all feel the lonliness. I feel it, deep within my soul, but it brings me ever closer to the truth, to the light.
I sense a great purpose for you and I; for everyone who feels this and embraces it, for those blessed with the inner call. WE MUST UNITE OUR CAUSE! We must form a universal bond that cannot be broken by words or aggressive technology.
The need for change is great in this world.
Are you with me, brother?
The Hawk.
