American Dreamer: Paralized by Fear

I dreamt I was seated in a garden, deep in peaceful meditative contemplation before a statue of the illustrious Red Tara. In my mind, thought formed in contemplation of my life as a journey and a lesson. I heard a voice, "Hold out your hands." As I did this, the tiny statue came to life, her small hand took hold of my pinkie finger and stepped off the Lotus flower to be seated before me. Red Tara (Jetzun) and I then talked in the garden for what seemed hours and I was sure, in my heart and through and through, that she would never cause harm.

Then, I heard the voice again, saying "Hold out your hand." I did and this time, a large stone statue of a Buddha in the Garden took hold of my whole hand and stepped to life before me, walking a few steps down the garden path. I knew I was supposed to follow. As the Buddha stepped from the garden wall, a trail of cobwebs, leaves and garden debris followed. I looked into this trail and saw a spider. This filled me with fear and I became paralyzed.

Frozen in place, afraid of the spider, Red Tara asked, "What's wrong? Why do you not follow?" I told her I was gripped with fear. Having practiced meditation and worked with my own mind and habits, I was going into the fear - not pushing away. I was working immediately and strongly to understand, integrate and dissolve my hesitation.

Seeing my crisis, the magnificent Red Tara turned herself into a spider and ran down the web. Standing next to the other spider she looked to me and said, "This is a crab. I am a spider." In that moment, I realized I had nothing to fear. I had mistaken the crab for a spider and now, the real spider was Red Tara who I knew with certainty would never harm me.

I think of this dream in considering the fears that define some of my life. Sometimes these fears hold me in a sense of prohibition and stagnation. I'm working to perceive the true nature of these intense emotions as they influence my choices, activities, self-perception and define my habits of behavior. I also think of this dream as it gives me a sense of what I have available as guides to help me in navigating the way. In doing this, I strive to achieve an understanding of my purpose in this world, to truly know peace and to reverberate that as strongly as I can through all things.

This is the BoddhiSatva Vow, "May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness. May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow. May all never be separated from the perfect happiness which is sorrowless. And may all live in equanimity - without too much attachment or too much aversion - and live believing in the equality of all that lives. Sarva Mangalam."

Peace.