Is Escapism just another word for selfishness?
posted by Tinh Man | December 6, 2009
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IcerocketI will try to stay as focused as possible on my point of this blog here, as I've been extremely hazy lately. Despite all of my best intentions and steady progress at raqising my vibration and being more positive, I took a bit of a slip last week and seem to have been slding ever since. I had a big blowout with my boss, who constantly condescended me. The whole scene resulted in some harsh words, the cops being called, and me walking out the door saying, "What are you calling them for, me offending you?" Needless to say, I am not proud of this manifestation of negative energy. This altercation did, however, free up much more time for me to devote to my other job, which is working as a part-time companion and caregiver for a 90 year old lady who has mild stroke-related dementia. This job is much more fulfilling, but has seemed to awaken in me some strange primal emotion which I can not identify, just a constant feeling of unease. I have looked death and decay straight in the eyes almost daily for the past week, and I realize now I am far from comfortable with the reality of aging, something I thought I had already come to terms with. On the flipside of this self-terrorizing experience is the joy I seem to be able to bring to this old lady who most people think of as already dead. I brought my guitar over to her house and played some Harry Belafonte songs and sang some of my own as well. She started singing along, which was more of just a shout, and started moving her shoulders and grooving along. Her son said this was more response than she'd shown in the past two days.
My family life is complicated as well. One of my uncles, who seems to think of himself as my surrogate father, is a self-loathing alcoholic who lives with my devoutly Catholic grandmother. He means well, but his raging moods have pushed away most of our family -- rarely do any of my grandmother's other 6 children visit her in order to avoid him. I spend a few nights a week there because I feel bad that everyone has abandoned him, but over the course of the past few months I am starting to feel that all the time I've spent with him is wearing me down emotionally and spiritually. As much as I'd love to help him with his problems doesn't it ultimately depend on one's self accepting their shortcomings and dealing with them?
Of course the list of family issues goes on forever, but this brings me to the title of this blog. I now have the opportunity to postpone the start of my massage therapy studies until May and take what little money I have and fly to the virgin islands to live in the bush for a few months, meditate more, and read the books which are piling up on my bookshelf which I am usually to frazzled to read. Would this just be escapism/selfishness? Should I stay and continue to wear myself ragged for the sake of my family?
Comments
Tinh Man, I do not feel that
— Dec 06, 2009
Tinh Man, I do not feel that it would be selfish or escapism. Think about it this way, if you continue to deplete yourself emotionally then you will have nothing left to give to them. In order to help them out with any circumstance you, yourself, must be energized and healthy emotionally and physically. If you are not, then it will continue the downward spiral. If I were in your shoes, I would opt for the few months in the bush, you will be rejuvenated once you come back and ready to face the challenges of your every day life. Think of it as time to recollect your thoughts and energy in order to help everyone else out. Also, sometimes we have to do the things we would think as selfish because we have to look out for our own well being and health first. It would not make you a bad person to unwind. We cannot be the energizer bunny in other words lol.
What you are doing to help the lady is so generous and kind. Don't be afraid of death because it is the process of life itself. I have read that people in other cultures do not fear aging because they look at it as a milestone and wisdom. Our culture, looks at it with a negative attitude because of wrinkles and the notion that everyone should look 20 for the rest of their lives. It's all apart of the bigger scheme of things that we come and go.
This is turning out to be longer than I had planned haha. It must be something in the air, because I too have been slipping into this negative spiral, which pisses me off and makes it a huge perpetual cycle haha. I'm digging myself out of it though, I guess it's all apart of accomplishing Oneness, to have to pick yourself up every once in awhile. I'm ready to kick negativity in it's ass. It's too exhausting.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insight to your life.
Namaste,
Alex
I agree
— Dec 06, 2009
with Transcend_Reality ... I don't think that it would be selfish or escapism and think you should take the time to re-focus as said before, this is only how you can then go afresh into the situation and help and support. No other way round it :)
And I would also like to point out that there really must be something in the air - I too have been slipping. It's time to take a step back and re-focus!
Good luck with it all and let us know how you are getting on!
ck
i hate negativity ha ha
— Dec 06, 2009
Just the other day, i found myself needing to scream at a police officer. it was very wierd... i didn't do it, but i really really wanted to, and had thought of all these things i would say even. :)
Good advice Alex, you're awesome. I think that escapism can be selfish. But if you're inclined to do it, there must be an underlying reason, which seems to be your employment situation....it seems to me that there must also be some feelings of guilt that are covered up by your need to be responsible for the people around you.
I would pinpoint where guilt is manifesting first, then go. definitely go ape-shit on liberation buddy
on a positive note, maybe
— Dec 06, 2009
on a positive note, maybe all these negative things have to happen in order to create the need to break away from your current life cycle. all things happen for a reason, so ignore those bad vibes and see them for what they are...gifts of experience. now with your newly attained freedom, realization of inner and possibly an unconscious fear of death, and a family that can use some of your positive energy, i think the virgin islands are your answer. i hope your journey into the bush helps you come to terms with death, and fills you with the energy to continue helping your family and those in need. more important than anything, Listen to your Heart, it will guide you where your meant to be.
WIth you
— Dec 06, 2009
Hard to know what "right or wrong" are when we obliterate the confines that create these ideas (institutions and such). I too had a funky week at some points. I used to do all sorts of things that required I be confident, and not the bs kind, but real-deal look you in the soul confident. These things made so much progress possible for me, externally and internally. But lately, its like I've kind of gone limp on life, like I am re-learning how to deal with anger and discord- both in myself and others. You're right- my blog post is so congruent with yours, and in my own life I share similar familial struggles. Somehow, though, it seems that the more I face the pain in those who wish to truly heal- like friends, clients, people who I meet through workshops and classes, people with real fuckin trauma like my own but want to do something empowering with it- the more I can make sense of the maddening effects of being around people who are spiritually complacent. And, it gives me the chance to have compassion, and to be really honest with myself about where I am spiritually complacent. Like watching people die, physically or otherwise, and not shutting them out, reminds us of how hard it is to go through transformation, giving us perspective about why some choose not to undergo the journey willingly. Its a macabre dance that creates exquisite beauty on the stage of life.
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Lost? Or Free to wander?
— Dec 07, 2009
I read a blog just a moment ago about some pretentious assholes and it got me thinking.. What the fuck am I doing here...My friend, my friend, my friend! Oh the synchronicity, let me count the ways.
I'm not sure where to start. First you and then me.
Apparently this life thing has a fucking mind of its own and it may or may not care if we know about it. These seemingly uncomfortable circumstances that periodically come our way (family issues, job/money issues, impending death, or burnout in general) are just life's sweet way of smacking us in the face and telling us to get a move on. What you are feeling is real and it means business. Go.
This path that many of us speak of isn't marked on the ground or with nice green signs. It just shows up at times and gives us the overwhelming feeling that we are on it. Are you on it?
This past week...HAHAHAHAHA This past year... LOLOLOLOL
I just got back from what I'll "fondly" deem a learning experience. In the bush. Not the Virgin Islas but inland Florida, close enough right. lol. Setting up camp and making way for the misses was the goal and was going grand until yesterday when the forest went silent. All the crickets were gone. Not literally of course but the whole pristine picture came down. I had great hopes that my love and I could relocate co-create a new greener cheaper chapter in our lives.
And this stems from the fact that about 2 weeks ago my love and I returned from a much needed vacation to find that I too have become one in the millions that are unemployed, in a dead tourist town. Boss says, "Hey have a good trip?", and in I shit you not the next thing he says to me,"No.", when I look him in the eye with disbelief and ask, "So, I no longer have a JOB??!!" I was off the schedule with no notice. I had assured consent and 2 month notice on vacation request dates. The explanation I received was thin, "slow."
Next on with shock phase.
I had just gotten back from visiting damn near every family member I have in a week period after spending the first week relaxing out in the middle of NoWhere "EcoCamp" which was actually very fulfilling.
I was able to pull off getting my girl to meet all of my families. In one week. It was great for the most part.
My mother isn't doing so well. Its hard to see her that way know and replaying all the times I had no choice but to try and help her through her pain. The most valuable lesson that my mother has taught me is that you can never change someone just because you wish it or try every way imaginable. At some point the desire to assist someone so desperately in need consumes you and transfers the pain. I have been a therapist to her since the age of 8 and there came a point that I had to leave or be consumed.
But on a lighter note, my brothers and sisters are doing well in a much more healthy environment. They're beautiful.
You are a good man that needs some time.
Go.
By the way, every day is getting weirder. I don't need any validation to feel and see the dramatic changes that are rapidly occurring around me. I have no choice right now but to float and see which way the wind blows. Who knows?
You know anybody hiring?
Old
— Dec 07, 2009
"And so it was revealed to me, that god is not a male person at all, verily she is not even a grownup. The goddess of goddesses is a little girl, so small indeed, she does not grow a single hair between her holy and virginal legs..."
Well, I am already 50, this means in the perception of half of humanity already 'old', and if I make it through the next three decades I will be just 'very old', right?
I worked as a physiotherapist in nursing homes for old people. I have seen strokes, and dementia, amputated breasts (I mean the scars, even seen a double amputation?) and a host of other decrepit bodies. It made me depressive, so I stopped working there, I wanted to see some fast improvement and that you get only with younger bodies.
There is a place in Switzerland, called 'Dignitas', they help you across the final border, if suffering gets to much. It's already booked in my mind for some future day to come: my last journey and final trip...
opportunity
— Dec 07, 2009
i hope you take the trip to the virgin islands! it sounds like an excellent opportunity to replenish yourself. in my experience, when you take good care of yourself, then you are able to help others so much more. good luck :)
All wavelengths have high
— Dec 07, 2009
All wavelengths have high and low points of being, neither are good nor bad, right or wrong. Wanting to escape the confines of others vibrations is normal...you must set up certain mental games to do this most times, but with proper mind setting and the knowledge that all is in the now and now is forever, you may just find infinity..which destroys all walls and breaks all limits...and it is in you, everyone, and everything.
Tat Tvam Asi
...
— Dec 07, 2009
Escapism can be selfishness and it usually is, but at times expanding your horizons is necessary. I do think sometimes people go abroad and it turns into years, and eventually they find they need to come back... and it's usually hard. You know the party has a crash afterwards, that sort of thing. You might be better off doing your training and then when you feel you don't have anything to escape from, or if it feels right, take some time off the right way.
Many thanks
— Dec 07, 2009
All of your responses helped me mull over the possibilities of my situation, which continues to grow in complexity (I elaborated on this in my newest blog).
Sofarsogud -- I appreciate your personal story, I too have felt the transference of energies in many of my relationships, familial and otherwise. My ex-girlfriend seemed to (by osmosis) absorb much of my positivity and love leaving me depressed and depleted for a good year afterwards, but I always seem to bounce back, and she seems happier now for it too. Regarding jobs, you may want to check out www.coolworks.com, they usually have quite a few job listings in Florida this time of the year, stuff in the everglades and some resorts and that sort of thing. And I love the picture, I can feel the mock frustration.
I wish I had the time to respond to all of the rest in detail, but I have much to take care of right now. Thanks again. In Lak'ech.
"Soon we'll find out who is the real revolutionaries." -- Robert Nesta Marley
Sometimes I do wonder about
— Dec 08, 2009
Sometimes I do wonder about that. I admire people who help others, even if it is in horrible and dangerous places.
Jon
hey bro...
— Dec 08, 2009
go to the islands. i gotta tell you that i am very impressed by your view of your situation. you are one righteous dude, my friend. That is great what you did for that lady. David.
you already made the choice
— Dec 08, 2009
you seem to want to go. people being made to feel selfish is a way for society to control peoples impulses.
if u do go, make sure you do the things you wanted to while there
Fare well....
— Dec 08, 2009
My brother Tinh Man, your blog touched my heart. I find it no surprise to see your benevolent nature expressed so well by your life choices. I will look forward to the many stories you may share upon your return. Go well, find love and return in good health.
Namaste, brother TinhMan, reflections of the soul.
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