Initiation in to the Divine

This was not my choice. I did not plan this. I am floating through the cosmos, subject to my destiny. As time passes it gets easier and easier to let go and walk my path. I have no job, I have no money, and neither of these things bother me as they would have in the past. I realize that I can no longer make concessions to acquire a job which serves only to keep me enslaved to a system of false ideals, a system based on fear and repression. I AM ALIVE DAMNIT! Ha, writing that seems so ridiculous, yet so right.
I look back at my past, and I see what led me to this point, but I can't honestly say I made the decisions which brought me to this point in space and time. Somedays I have words to describe this feeling of serenity and contentment, other days I just want to bask in the sensations, to feel them fully without having to try to describe them. Words always fall short of the truth, they are only representations of the truth, not the truth themselves.
When I was sixteen I fell in love with marijuana. It was one of those EUREKA moments. I discovered a higher plane of consciousness. Why come back? Oh but this couldn't last forever, not without paying a price. Within three months of my first toke, I was caught, arrested and expelled from my junior year of high school. And so began my first withdrawal from the status quo. My social life deteriorated, I was depressed. At the time, nothing could make me feel like what happened to me was okay or justified in anyway. But I see now, it was necessary. I discovered my second love; my lasting, healthy love. Music. I learned to play guitar, this wouldn't have happened without my forced withdrawal from my social environment. The school system tried to punish me, but they merely rewarded my rebellious nature. I was much stronger and smarter when I returned to finish my senior year of high school. I did not choose this, yet it was such an important step on my path.
I was always terrified of psychedelics, I thought they would make me lose my mind. I was right. But it turns out losing my mind was great, because my mind merely kept me bound to negative states of existence. Viscious cycles. Psychedelics have served their purpose for me, I no longer consciously seek them out for pleasure, but when the time is right they seem to find their way in to my life to give me a well needed nudge in the right direction.
I look back through my past and see the events rippling through time bringing me to the here and now. It was effortless, it was only my mind that made me struggle. There seem to have been certain events, however, that were stepping stones of sorts, which all served to keep me coming back to my true self, no matter how hard I fought to break away.
Today while hiking to the bluff by my house I felt the waves of time rippling through me. TIme stood still for a moment while I sat in meditation at the edge of the cliff. Pure existence shined through, the crest of the most magnificent wave crashed in to me, and as it recedes, it carries my positive intentions for a brighter tomorrow out in to the world to overcome all the negativity and confusion which keeps so many from their own intiation in to the divine.