Provoke, Confront, Elevate. (Escapism/Selfishness Part 2)
posted by Tinh Man | December 7, 2009
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IcerocketI just finished eating a delicious meal which took me well over an hour to prepare despite its simple nature. Organic Mung beans, hull-less barley and some brocolli stir-fried with mushrooms and cashews. My mom handed me the deck of "Daily Medicine Cards." At random I picked the PORCUPINE. and its message relayed to me.
"Trust your process & yourself
Honor your connection to
Great Mystery & have faith."
Just as good as the advice which I have received from all of you. While I was transliterating this, my mom just discovered a huge leak, water seeping from the bathroom in to the living room and the walk-in closet. So the list of problems continues to grow. Hanging by a thread...
Not long after I posted my previous blog, I borrowed my mom's car and went out to Eastern Mountain Sports to buy some waterproof pants so that I can continue to ride my bicycle throughout the winter, since I decided I would stay and start my studies as planned, I figure all I need to do is set aside a little more time for myself. But I digress, on my way home from the store I came around a corner to find a large Buck standing directly where my car was heading. I swerved to avoid the deer, and smashed the entire driver's side in to the guard rail. I was able to recover pretty quickly, but it was not long before the front tire was flat and thumping. I made it off to a side road and was able to ride my bicycle the remaining distance home. Long story short. The car is totaled, and the insurance won't pay. The list continues to expand. The weight continues to bear down on my mother and I. If I had nothing to feel guilty about before, I certainly do now. If I still wanted to go to the Virgin Islands, it would be extremely selfish. My money means nothing to me, it can only be of any use to my mother. Such a kind-hearted person surely does not deserve such hardship. Strangely, I am incredibly calm about all of this. Selfishness has no place on the rough road ahead of me. It seems that only selflessness can lift me up, and ensure that my mother and I have a place to live. I had intended for this to be a response to everyone else's responses to my previous blog, but as my writing tends to do, it takes on a life of its own, it seems sometimes a creation beyond my control. I wonder if one can truly escape anything?
Comments
Hang in there
— Dec 08, 2009
sometimes it just rains and washes away our crops. we don't always know why, but there is always a higher purpose. i'm so with you, having crazy unraveling here too. take care of yourself by feeding your spirit, and i send you love and prayer for assistance from the guides, should you choose to accept them. take care.
Dig it
— Dec 09, 2009
So I have been feeling about the same way as you. Just got in an accident the other day also, luckily the car was spared but it was a sullen reminder of how fragile my finances are. I share the sentiment about money. If I could live in a self-sustained ecovillage of some sort with no money, merely working to support the community, I would feel much more complete than I do now working for pennies and feeling saddened by the world surrounding me. I'm only glad that there are others sharing the same struggle from oppression, anxiety, and hate. All we've got to do is overcome. It's like a bad trip sometimes, just gotta remember that there will be good later and you can get through it.
Peace Brother,
Indman
A nice eco-village somewhere
— Dec 10, 2009
A nice eco-village somewhere in the tropics where I could live out my life in simplicity would be nice. But there is always this nagging feeling deep in me that I'd be running away from my family. But as we've clearly ascertained here, taking care of one's self is the most important, because only then can you be of any use. I just don't like how a system I want nothing to do with still has control over me. Patience is what I've been trying to cultivate these days.
"Soon we'll find out who is the real revolutionaries." -- Robert Nesta Marley
Steps
— Dec 10, 2009
I wish I could give you advice, but I cannot do that when I am facing my own problems as well. I would feel like an ass if I told you that you need to overcome negativity because it only perpetuates itself, and that the more you focus on it the worse it gets because you're only validating your thoughts. But I too, am having some issues following these vary principles I try to follow day in and day out. I know what the end outcome should look like for myself but the ability to let all of the stress go isn't coming so easily- and with that being said I am only giving power to that thought Haha. One huge cycle. So in reality I cannot give you advice that I cannot follow for myself- at the moment. You are not in this alone, that's for sure. Just hang in there and know that it will all get better. All I really know is that being free in whatever moment time brings you, is the best way to handle any situation so I will therefore try and open my mind to the possibilities and not stress. I hope any of this has made any sense or helped in the least little bit lol. Oh and you are right..It takes steps to getting through things.. Provoke, confront, elevate. I believe I am on the confronting part haha.
Almost there.
Peace be with you,
Alex
Problems
— Dec 10, 2009
I agree with you whole-heartedly that things will get better. I've reached a strange state of calm about my whole situation which almost frightens me. I didn't know I had this sort of strength within me. I'm making headway on starting my own business so that I don't need to work under other people, but for myself. This, I believe, will alleviate many of my recurring problems and lift me, to some degree of the cycle my life seems to take. My mom is awfully calm about this as well. She said, "Well, I'll sell my grandfather clock, that's worth a couple of grand. And I can always get another one in a few years from my job." They give her gifts for milestones(number of years working there), and she's approaching forty years at her job now. So things always have a way of working themselves out. I have faith, even though sometimes it may falter.
Regarding the steps, provoke, confront, elevate. I've been pondering them a little more and I think they me be of a more personal sort of subconscious nature.. PROVOKE your subconscious/negative tendencies to manifest. CONFRONT them head on, and this might merely mean acknowledging/accepting them. And ELEVATE, or rise up and transcend these tendencies.
Thanks for all your loving kindness. In Lak'ech
"Soon we'll find out who is the real revolutionaries." -- Robert Nesta Marley
Hanging by a thread..
— Dec 10, 2009
Hmm. At least you are feeling calm. That is good. And I can well relate! I have felt very calm over the last few weeks as my own micro-fractal of the long cultural emergency unfolds into critical. Mine is very financial and arises from the bizarrely protracted state of unemployment I've experienced over the past year. Curiously, all the other spheres of my life seem to be humming along splendidly, while the financial grows heavier, and heavier. I've explored and tried everything I can think of. Even divination says:
Reply hazy, try again
Ask again later
Better not tell you now
Concentrate and ask again
(expressed as answers from Mattel's Magic 8-Ball)
I am thankful that my most basic needs are being met, increasingly by a growing network of family and friends. It's putting a sharp twist of urgent reality to the theoretical process of powering down. I sometimes wonder if all those Tom Brown books I've read are manifesting.
Ooh! The mail-person is here with a certified letter just now! From Circuit Court. It seems a credit card company is after me. Perfect timing.
Hang in there! I still have lots of Love to share and I'm sending it out to each of you in difficult transition mode.
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