Parasitic totem or inability to meld?

In attempting to write this, my first blog entry, I wanted to make a concerted effort to spark a dialogue and ask questions in lieu of my --- and most writers' -- default to a self-involved and somewhat finite monologue. Since I discovered evolver and have been enjoying all of your entries, I've learned that this is a forum of fascinating people with a deep and unusual pool of knowledge; in other words, if ever there was a place to trigger this dialogue and ask my question(s), this is it! First, of course, I'll do my best to summarize the events that have brought me here, seeking illumination.

Since my recent 'golden birthday', I have experienced a series of exponentially impactful synchronicities at an increasing frequency. These events were kicked off by an unbelievable ‘dream’ in which I encountered what I believe to me my totem. Since then, the totem- its image, its name, its nature- has led me to further and greater resources, even guiding me to Daniel Pinchbeck’s astounding “2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl” and, most recently, to this site.

I had sought my totem for years in dream, meditation, and nature with no result, and I must admit that what was revealed to me was completely unexpected. Assuming my totem was a raccoon or dog or something else friendly and furry, I was instead faced with a giant, black, and wholly intimidating dragon emerging from a large body of water at night. While keeping some specifics of the dream and the following serendipitous events to myself, I can say that my life and perspective have changed. Everywhere I go I feel like I meet and befriend an astrologer, a guide, graphic designer, artist or some other resource with which I can exchange services and enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement. Beyond that, I have also noticed what could be messages from nature. For instance, today I took my dog for a walk along the lake to find a massive amount of dragonflies- in the THOUSANDS- flying all along the beach. I said to a man walking next to me, “That’s a LOT of dragonflies- I’ve never seen so many here at once”. Without hesitating, he turned to me and said, “Maybe they came here for you.” What an odd response, right? Got me thinking about their name- dragonfly- and whether or not that, when combined with the large body of water they were seemingly aligned with, was meant to reiterate some cosmic message to me, almost as though to convince me that the things I’ve been experiencing are not coincidence.

All of this is very exciting and I feel mentally and spiritually awake, but I’ve also noted a very tangible, negative side effect. As someone who is very physically active and takes care of myself through diet and exercise, I have been exhausted. I can barely muster up the drive to walk my dog around the block, a major shift from my typical multi-mile adventures. My usual insatiable appetite has been replaced with a minute hunger. I’m having extremely vivid and meaningful dreams, but wake unrested. I wonder if something about this transformation is also taking as much as it is giving?

Is this totem draining me, my energy, or perhaps are my symptoms more of an indication of my inability to appropriately absorb this change into myself (or myself into the change)? Could it be a sign of some larger problem, with both myself and society, in which I do not have the appropriate knowledge to maximize this experience while minimizing the apparent effect on my organic self?

I’m hoping that you have similar- or otherwise relevant- tales and/or wisdom to share. Also, I can find very little information on this particular totem that resonates with me and would love your insights. I cannot think of another group with a deeper well from which to draw, and I am more than curious about the various and varied schools of thought that may color your own experiences.